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Completely desperate. 15 y/o brother's future at risk. School refusal, depression....
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<blockquote data-quote="fourleaflove" data-source="post: 541500" data-attributes="member: 14934"><p>I don't even know where to begin. This is pretty lengthly, and all over the place... there's just too much, but I really do hope you'll read...</p><p></p><p>My 15 year old half brother was left to live with my grandparents and myself (all living in the same house) about 2 months or so ago. Our mother just up and left without notice, and it took days to find out she had actually left the state to live with her boyfriend. My brother's father hasn't really had a thing to do with him since my mother and him separated nearly 2 years ago. My brother and his father never really had a relationship, even when living in the same house. My stepfather pretty much treated him like **** most of the time, as he did with myself and my other brother when we were younger. Although not necessarily an physically agressive man, he was a definate emotional abuser... and my mom just let it all slide. I could get into details on the terrible things his Dad as said to him, but then my post would possibly never end.</p><p></p><p>Since their separation, my mother IMMEDIATELY had a boyfriend. I can only assume she was seeing him before her separation with my stepfather. They were together for a few months, split, and within a month, had another boyfriend, then split, and soon after there was another... and another after that, and another. She's basically been with 5 guys or so (that I'm aware of) within the course of a year or so. 3/5 of which she allowed to stay, live, sleep, eat, bath, etc. in her home, again, all within a year or so. Did I mention they were either crazy, lazy, and/or possibly drug dealers/users? Our mother has exposed him to more than she ever should of, more than he deserved to, and at such a sort about of time. She's also moved about 3/4 times within that year. </p><p></p><p>All these things, plus the tough times of being a teen, are negatively affecting his schooling, his social life, his sleep, and.. I guess pretty much every part of his life. Since his middle school years, my mother has always had a problem with getting him go to school, so every school year, he'd miss a lot of school days, but managed to pass. A few months before she left, she caved in, and set him up for a home schooling program, virtual schooling. Come time when he moved in with us, I checked his progress. He never did a thing. She never checked in on it, and just let it be. </p><p></p><p>Our problem now is he's gotten progressively worse since she left. He sleeps all day, and is up all night. This habit he developed a few months before living with us. He spends all his waking time on the computer, either on FB, or in chats talking to people in other parts of the world. He met this teenage girl, who is a extremely depressive person herself, and he spends a lot of time talking on the phone with her. Sometimes he'll play his guitar, sometimes he'll play his video games. Sometimes he'll eat. Usually one massive good meal, and the rest is complete junk. He was raised eating the quick stuff, McDonalds, cereal, pizza, etc. Sometimes he might shower/brush his teeth every 2-3 days, this too, he's been doing since childhood. He use to go out with friends occasionally, very occasionally, cause our parents never liked giving his rides anywhere, but no he refuses to go anywhere but his best friend's house. He'll want to stay there days at a time. He's admitted to thinking he has social anxiety, in the past, but our mom didn't do anything about it. The little school work that I managed to get him motivated enough to do since he's been here, is no more. He 100% refuses to do anything related to school. </p><p></p><p>I've had 3 big conversations with him since he got here. Out of anyone, he's always trusted me the most, and had admitted a few things to me that "shocked" me, but well, I never really knew he felt this way. He told me he was depressed, but content with being that way. He's also told me stuff like "What's the point of life? You're born and then you just die.... I promise you I'm not gonna live past 30.... If I don't become a musician, then I don't want to do anything else with my life... I guess I'll get to see what the after life is like, etc." He admited to not wanting to assume any adult responsibilties. He doesn't want to get his drivers license. He pretty much has a "human-beings suck" attitude. On our last convo, he started claiming that his best friend's mom said he could move in with them, and so now he has it stuck in his head that this is what he wants to do. It breaks my heart. This kid is insanely smart, and capable, but he's lazy. He's never had to throw out the trash, barely serves his own plate, he can't even grab his own towel for his showers.</p><p></p><p>I had taken away his XBox about a month ago. He didn't really care about that. When I realized he really wasn't going to continue doing any school work, and his teachers began to drop him from their course, I blocked him out of internet usage. And that right there, prompted a war. I wasn't home at the time he realized, but he sent me multiple texts saying things like "Who the $%^ do you think you are? You're not my mother, you're not even my full blood...." When I got home, he was napping... but later on in the night, he called me out of my room, asked for me to go outside, and started his conversation with "I don't know who the ^&*$ you think you are...." Uhhh? He called me an idiot several times, till he finally told me to "go inside then" when I told him I refused to let him speak to me that way. The next day, I noticed him FB. I guess he found his way around. I immediately told him that he needed to get off of the computer, unless he intented to do school work. He blew up. I disconnected the router from the computer. This made him blow over. He started yelling, he started shaking. At one point, he grabbed my laptop from my room, and threated to smash it. This continued for a few minutes, till my grandmother got involved, more yelling ensued, and then at some point, he just began crying. Hysterically. Then he calmed down, walked outside, and made a phone call. My grandfather, who never really involves himself, or likes to deal with anything, for that matter, stepped up and said he wanted none of this chaos right now, and since my brother had asked him to take him to his friend's house earlier, my grandfather decided he would. He's now been there for about a week.</p><p></p><p>We are completely drained. I can't deal with this. And neither can my 65 year old grandparents. Having a 1 year old myself, I can't. I have tried, and tried. I want to get him help, but he refuses to see a professional. He's depressed, and suffering from some sort of anxiety. When I told his Dad about the situation, he told me "look for a boot camp. I don't know what to do with him." The last thing I want is for him to go with my mother. I whole heartedly feel that would be one way of making sure his future is either non-existent, or simply put, a very crappy one. Every place I call is volutary only. I'm not sure where to go from her short of just tossing him with his parents.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="fourleaflove, post: 541500, member: 14934"] I don't even know where to begin. This is pretty lengthly, and all over the place... there's just too much, but I really do hope you'll read... My 15 year old half brother was left to live with my grandparents and myself (all living in the same house) about 2 months or so ago. Our mother just up and left without notice, and it took days to find out she had actually left the state to live with her boyfriend. My brother's father hasn't really had a thing to do with him since my mother and him separated nearly 2 years ago. My brother and his father never really had a relationship, even when living in the same house. My stepfather pretty much treated him like **** most of the time, as he did with myself and my other brother when we were younger. Although not necessarily an physically agressive man, he was a definate emotional abuser... and my mom just let it all slide. I could get into details on the terrible things his Dad as said to him, but then my post would possibly never end. Since their separation, my mother IMMEDIATELY had a boyfriend. I can only assume she was seeing him before her separation with my stepfather. They were together for a few months, split, and within a month, had another boyfriend, then split, and soon after there was another... and another after that, and another. She's basically been with 5 guys or so (that I'm aware of) within the course of a year or so. 3/5 of which she allowed to stay, live, sleep, eat, bath, etc. in her home, again, all within a year or so. Did I mention they were either crazy, lazy, and/or possibly drug dealers/users? Our mother has exposed him to more than she ever should of, more than he deserved to, and at such a sort about of time. She's also moved about 3/4 times within that year. All these things, plus the tough times of being a teen, are negatively affecting his schooling, his social life, his sleep, and.. I guess pretty much every part of his life. Since his middle school years, my mother has always had a problem with getting him go to school, so every school year, he'd miss a lot of school days, but managed to pass. A few months before she left, she caved in, and set him up for a home schooling program, virtual schooling. Come time when he moved in with us, I checked his progress. He never did a thing. She never checked in on it, and just let it be. Our problem now is he's gotten progressively worse since she left. He sleeps all day, and is up all night. This habit he developed a few months before living with us. He spends all his waking time on the computer, either on FB, or in chats talking to people in other parts of the world. He met this teenage girl, who is a extremely depressive person herself, and he spends a lot of time talking on the phone with her. Sometimes he'll play his guitar, sometimes he'll play his video games. Sometimes he'll eat. Usually one massive good meal, and the rest is complete junk. He was raised eating the quick stuff, McDonalds, cereal, pizza, etc. Sometimes he might shower/brush his teeth every 2-3 days, this too, he's been doing since childhood. He use to go out with friends occasionally, very occasionally, cause our parents never liked giving his rides anywhere, but no he refuses to go anywhere but his best friend's house. He'll want to stay there days at a time. He's admitted to thinking he has social anxiety, in the past, but our mom didn't do anything about it. The little school work that I managed to get him motivated enough to do since he's been here, is no more. He 100% refuses to do anything related to school. I've had 3 big conversations with him since he got here. Out of anyone, he's always trusted me the most, and had admitted a few things to me that "shocked" me, but well, I never really knew he felt this way. He told me he was depressed, but content with being that way. He's also told me stuff like "What's the point of life? You're born and then you just die.... I promise you I'm not gonna live past 30.... If I don't become a musician, then I don't want to do anything else with my life... I guess I'll get to see what the after life is like, etc." He admited to not wanting to assume any adult responsibilties. He doesn't want to get his drivers license. He pretty much has a "human-beings suck" attitude. On our last convo, he started claiming that his best friend's mom said he could move in with them, and so now he has it stuck in his head that this is what he wants to do. It breaks my heart. This kid is insanely smart, and capable, but he's lazy. He's never had to throw out the trash, barely serves his own plate, he can't even grab his own towel for his showers. I had taken away his XBox about a month ago. He didn't really care about that. When I realized he really wasn't going to continue doing any school work, and his teachers began to drop him from their course, I blocked him out of internet usage. And that right there, prompted a war. I wasn't home at the time he realized, but he sent me multiple texts saying things like "Who the $%^ do you think you are? You're not my mother, you're not even my full blood...." When I got home, he was napping... but later on in the night, he called me out of my room, asked for me to go outside, and started his conversation with "I don't know who the ^&*$ you think you are...." Uhhh? He called me an idiot several times, till he finally told me to "go inside then" when I told him I refused to let him speak to me that way. The next day, I noticed him FB. I guess he found his way around. I immediately told him that he needed to get off of the computer, unless he intented to do school work. He blew up. I disconnected the router from the computer. This made him blow over. He started yelling, he started shaking. At one point, he grabbed my laptop from my room, and threated to smash it. This continued for a few minutes, till my grandmother got involved, more yelling ensued, and then at some point, he just began crying. Hysterically. Then he calmed down, walked outside, and made a phone call. My grandfather, who never really involves himself, or likes to deal with anything, for that matter, stepped up and said he wanted none of this chaos right now, and since my brother had asked him to take him to his friend's house earlier, my grandfather decided he would. He's now been there for about a week. We are completely drained. I can't deal with this. And neither can my 65 year old grandparents. Having a 1 year old myself, I can't. I have tried, and tried. I want to get him help, but he refuses to see a professional. He's depressed, and suffering from some sort of anxiety. When I told his Dad about the situation, he told me "look for a boot camp. I don't know what to do with him." The last thing I want is for him to go with my mother. I whole heartedly feel that would be one way of making sure his future is either non-existent, or simply put, a very crappy one. Every place I call is volutary only. I'm not sure where to go from her short of just tossing him with his parents. [/QUOTE]
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Completely desperate. 15 y/o brother's future at risk. School refusal, depression....
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