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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 619468" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Welcome Jilly, Sorry you had to find us but I am glad you did..... I have been in your shoes as far as your son......I think you are doing the right things. There is no reason you should have him live with you when he steals from you. It does not help him if he learns he can just take advantage of you, steal from you and not obey your rules. Much better for him to learn at age 20 that there are consequences for this kind of behavior that to learn it at 30 or 40. </p><p></p><p>My guess is given the amount he is stealing from you, even after you confronted him that there is more going on than pot... but you may never know what it is or how much. I know I still really dont know the extent of mhy sons drug use, I just know he will use anything to get high. In the end it doesnt really matter, go on his behavior towards you and how he is stealing from you and that is enough to be clear he cant live with you under those circumstances.</p><p></p><p>Midwest mom is right, you need to get support and take care of yourself. I have found an alanon group for parents that has been a wonderful source of support for me.</p><p></p><p>And as much as none of us want to see our kids in trouble with the law sometimes that is our best option.. My son like yours, did many small things and kept being told he had to behave himself or else.... well he kept on doing things until finally they came down hard on him and he has a felony on his record now..... then we sent him out of state to rehab which he left which was a violation of probation. He came back and they had warrants out for his arrest.... ended up spending some time in jail and is now in a treatment program ordered by the court. It is the best thing that could have happened.... as it is no longer me pushing it.... and he has some motivation to continued because otherwise they will put him back in jail (or he will have to run out of state). All this started young and now he is only 22.... so you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>And no matter what happened with your husband etc. this is not your fault. He is almost 20 and the decisions he is making are his, and his alone. And he is going to need to find his way past this.... all you can do is to continue to love him, and offer him help in finding rehab. Dont give him any money.... and dont allow him to live with you if he is going to steal from you.</p><p></p><p>And unfortunately most of us with difficult children that are drug addicts have learned we cant believe anything they say....because they will lie to get what they want. My hope is that someday with sobriety I will be able to trust my son.... but we are a long way from that.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent from my iPad using ConductDisorders</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 619468, member: 15801"] Welcome Jilly, Sorry you had to find us but I am glad you did..... I have been in your shoes as far as your son......I think you are doing the right things. There is no reason you should have him live with you when he steals from you. It does not help him if he learns he can just take advantage of you, steal from you and not obey your rules. Much better for him to learn at age 20 that there are consequences for this kind of behavior that to learn it at 30 or 40. My guess is given the amount he is stealing from you, even after you confronted him that there is more going on than pot... but you may never know what it is or how much. I know I still really dont know the extent of mhy sons drug use, I just know he will use anything to get high. In the end it doesnt really matter, go on his behavior towards you and how he is stealing from you and that is enough to be clear he cant live with you under those circumstances. Midwest mom is right, you need to get support and take care of yourself. I have found an alanon group for parents that has been a wonderful source of support for me. And as much as none of us want to see our kids in trouble with the law sometimes that is our best option.. My son like yours, did many small things and kept being told he had to behave himself or else.... well he kept on doing things until finally they came down hard on him and he has a felony on his record now..... then we sent him out of state to rehab which he left which was a violation of probation. He came back and they had warrants out for his arrest.... ended up spending some time in jail and is now in a treatment program ordered by the court. It is the best thing that could have happened.... as it is no longer me pushing it.... and he has some motivation to continued because otherwise they will put him back in jail (or he will have to run out of state). All this started young and now he is only 22.... so you are not alone. And no matter what happened with your husband etc. this is not your fault. He is almost 20 and the decisions he is making are his, and his alone. And he is going to need to find his way past this.... all you can do is to continue to love him, and offer him help in finding rehab. Dont give him any money.... and dont allow him to live with you if he is going to steal from you. And unfortunately most of us with difficult children that are drug addicts have learned we cant believe anything they say....because they will lie to get what they want. My hope is that someday with sobriety I will be able to trust my son.... but we are a long way from that. TL Sent from my iPad using ConductDisorders [/QUOTE]
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