Conference

[toughlovin]

We had a conference with our son today over the phone. It was hard but also really good. He talked about some of his resentments and also some of his own pain and self hatred. It was emotional and hard but also necessary and good. The really good thing is he has decided to stay down there in a halfway house after his 90 days at least for a couple of months. He told us this so we did not impose it which is great. I also think he still thinks that he can smoke pot and drink moderately at some point.... that worries me. However he may just have to learn the reality of that the hard way. At least he won't be living here.

 

[Nancy]

Sounds good. I too am worried about his thinking he can smoke pot and drink moderately at some point. difficult child thought that too and she is now totally relapsed and worse than ever. They told us that when they relapse they relapse hard and it's true. Everything she learned was totally forgotten. I hope it's not that way for your son.

The best news is that he is staying down there at least for a while.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

My hope is that he will plan to stay down there 3 months, will get a job, start enjoying his life and stay down there... and that somehow in the process and with the support of sober living etc. will realize that he is not one who can do it moderately. I do know at this point that it is out of my hands and I am not the one to help him see this. I know from your experience, and other on this forum, that him coming and living at home would be a really bad idea and would almost surely lead to relapse.

 

[DDD]

That's real reason for optomistic thinking. Maybe he will be one of the exceptions who learns what he needs to do and reacclimate his life to sober living. I don't think many can but my fingers are definitely crossed for your son. Hugs DDD

 

[DammitJanet]

From what I have seen, those that stay away from returning to home and old stomping grounds seem to do the best. Almost like breaking a habit.

I know that now that Jamie has lived away from our home for so long, his old friends really arent his friends anymore. These people were his BFF's in HS too. You didnt see one without the other and now? They barely even make time to see him when he comes home. Not that Jamie had a drug problem but I would think it would work the same way for people with addictions. If they live far from home for 5 or 6 years, they make a new life somewhere else and the bad friends just move on.

 

[toughlovin]

That is what I am hoping for, that he will make a new life for himself away from home. I really thinks if he comes back to the area it will be the same old struggles...but he may need to find out for himself. My hope is he meets a nice girl down there because that is one motivation that will keep him where he is. Of course in his recovery it would probably be better if he stayed single for a while... but he has always liked the girls and they have always liked him. I do know that for our relationship to improve he needs to not live here. He resents my interference and what he sees as my controlling nature.... well it is a lot easier to not butt into his business if he is not living in my house and not depending on us financially. He needs to really be on his own and my hope is that this current place will help give him the skills to do that.