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Confused and need help from my "experts"
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 427900" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Aspies can not only lie, they can be really GOOD liars. Wiz was a genius at lying. There were times he got ALL of us to believe him and then it was only fingerprints that told us the real truth. My dad, who taught kids for almost four decades and is the best I know at spotting lies, was fooled by him several times. That is why we started taking fingerprints. my dad learned how to years before from some cop friends. It isn't hard to get them, cocoa powder or kool aid powder or cornstarch or baking soda will work. And clear tape to lift the print. Not a big deal. Comparing them is harder, but not that bad, esp not when you are just using one or two sets of prints.</p><p></p><p>Aspies ARE often very rigid about rules but NOT the spoken, listed "these are the rules" sorts of rules. They follow rules that make sense to them. </p><p></p><p>Marg's son heard that it was not okay to hit and not okay to be a bully. Then he was bullied, badly for quite a long time, by kids at school. They would hit him, do all sorts of mean things. So first he learned that it was okay to hit. After all, if it wasn't then someone would have stopped the other kids. They didn't get into trouble. So he got mad and hit someone. HE got into trouble. He then learned the rule is that it is not allowed for him to hit but it IS allowed for others to hit him. It is not allowed for him to defend himself. That last is because the other kids would hit him when no one was looking and when he hit back the adults were again watching them. They were in a school that did NOT like him because he was different and the teachers allowed all sorts of awful things to be done to him. It took a lot of time for Marg to straighten them out. Used to be he got attacked any time he went into their town or was out walking around alone. </p><p></p><p>Wiz also made up his own rules. We have things and rules taht are adults only here in my house. My kids do NOt get soda with-o asking, esp not with caffeine. That is an adult privilege. That has slid now that they are older. Now it is energy drinks. I don't like them. husband does, but not the cost. If the kids want one they must ask first. If they buy one and bring it home they must ask before they can drink it. Wiz felt this was WRONG - grievously and horribly WRONG. He should be our equal and able to do what we do, no matter what. We battled this for a LONG time. Then he also had rules like "I can hit Jessie and break any toy/book/thing she has but she cannot even LOOK at anything that is mine." He was a teen before he stopped trying to force us to follow that rule. </p><p></p><p>I am glad your son told you about this stuff. I would leave the lying for another time. Praise your other son for telling you. Let him know that this is not just about stealing or lying, but about SAFETY. Growing up my parents didnt' want us to tattle but did want to know if we saw each other doing anything that was unsafe or dangerous. Having knives and lighters is unsafe. It is something that you NEED to know for safety. So let them both know this, praise difficult child for giving you the items and easy child for letting you know. You do need to find a way for difficult child to feel safe that does not include having a knife. What makes him feel unsafe?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 427900, member: 1233"] Aspies can not only lie, they can be really GOOD liars. Wiz was a genius at lying. There were times he got ALL of us to believe him and then it was only fingerprints that told us the real truth. My dad, who taught kids for almost four decades and is the best I know at spotting lies, was fooled by him several times. That is why we started taking fingerprints. my dad learned how to years before from some cop friends. It isn't hard to get them, cocoa powder or kool aid powder or cornstarch or baking soda will work. And clear tape to lift the print. Not a big deal. Comparing them is harder, but not that bad, esp not when you are just using one or two sets of prints. Aspies ARE often very rigid about rules but NOT the spoken, listed "these are the rules" sorts of rules. They follow rules that make sense to them. Marg's son heard that it was not okay to hit and not okay to be a bully. Then he was bullied, badly for quite a long time, by kids at school. They would hit him, do all sorts of mean things. So first he learned that it was okay to hit. After all, if it wasn't then someone would have stopped the other kids. They didn't get into trouble. So he got mad and hit someone. HE got into trouble. He then learned the rule is that it is not allowed for him to hit but it IS allowed for others to hit him. It is not allowed for him to defend himself. That last is because the other kids would hit him when no one was looking and when he hit back the adults were again watching them. They were in a school that did NOT like him because he was different and the teachers allowed all sorts of awful things to be done to him. It took a lot of time for Marg to straighten them out. Used to be he got attacked any time he went into their town or was out walking around alone. Wiz also made up his own rules. We have things and rules taht are adults only here in my house. My kids do NOt get soda with-o asking, esp not with caffeine. That is an adult privilege. That has slid now that they are older. Now it is energy drinks. I don't like them. husband does, but not the cost. If the kids want one they must ask first. If they buy one and bring it home they must ask before they can drink it. Wiz felt this was WRONG - grievously and horribly WRONG. He should be our equal and able to do what we do, no matter what. We battled this for a LONG time. Then he also had rules like "I can hit Jessie and break any toy/book/thing she has but she cannot even LOOK at anything that is mine." He was a teen before he stopped trying to force us to follow that rule. I am glad your son told you about this stuff. I would leave the lying for another time. Praise your other son for telling you. Let him know that this is not just about stealing or lying, but about SAFETY. Growing up my parents didnt' want us to tattle but did want to know if we saw each other doing anything that was unsafe or dangerous. Having knives and lighters is unsafe. It is something that you NEED to know for safety. So let them both know this, praise difficult child for giving you the items and easy child for letting you know. You do need to find a way for difficult child to feel safe that does not include having a knife. What makes him feel unsafe? [/QUOTE]
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