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Confused by whole difficult child situation
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 146401" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>You may want difficult child to go to college but if he doesn't do what he should do or he has no vested interest in going, he won't. Nothing you can do. </p><p>The idea that we can get a difficult child to do anything they don't want or don't see a need for didn't work at 5yrs old. It sure isn't going to work at 18. </p><p></p><p>If he takes classes that appeal to him and does well then that is good enough. If they aren't intellectually curious enough for higher level classes then you can't/won't make him do well in it. He needs enough credits to graduate. I'm sure the requirements for college have been explained to him. He chooses to not go in that direction. Anything he accomplishes after high school is up to him and you will have little influence on which way the goes. </p><p></p><p>Your job as parent as I see it, is to raise a law abiding, tax paying, young man of character who is as independent as they are capable of being. Everything else is gravy and his job. </p><p></p><p>Susie, my easy child who has been a very sensible young man decided he wanted to take a year leave of absence from college to work. It kills me but he is not irresponsible and working is a good thing. I can not make him submit to my wishes and expect him to have a mind of his own or the strength to deal with consequences. He will have consequences with no doubt. He knows I am not in agreement with his choice but it is his choice. I can't imagine postponing an excellent education to make minimium wage. </p><p>Parenting a kid who is ready to step out into the real world is a fine line between supervising and directing and letting go. I believe it's a pretty gradual process that takes years of mom's being surprised and shocked at what a difficult child/teen will not do that we expected them to do. </p><p></p><p>Good luck. Of course, the theft issue has to be dealt with. If he does it again, tell him you will call the police even if your parents won't.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 146401, member: 3"] You may want difficult child to go to college but if he doesn't do what he should do or he has no vested interest in going, he won't. Nothing you can do. The idea that we can get a difficult child to do anything they don't want or don't see a need for didn't work at 5yrs old. It sure isn't going to work at 18. If he takes classes that appeal to him and does well then that is good enough. If they aren't intellectually curious enough for higher level classes then you can't/won't make him do well in it. He needs enough credits to graduate. I'm sure the requirements for college have been explained to him. He chooses to not go in that direction. Anything he accomplishes after high school is up to him and you will have little influence on which way the goes. Your job as parent as I see it, is to raise a law abiding, tax paying, young man of character who is as independent as they are capable of being. Everything else is gravy and his job. Susie, my easy child who has been a very sensible young man decided he wanted to take a year leave of absence from college to work. It kills me but he is not irresponsible and working is a good thing. I can not make him submit to my wishes and expect him to have a mind of his own or the strength to deal with consequences. He will have consequences with no doubt. He knows I am not in agreement with his choice but it is his choice. I can't imagine postponing an excellent education to make minimium wage. Parenting a kid who is ready to step out into the real world is a fine line between supervising and directing and letting go. I believe it's a pretty gradual process that takes years of mom's being surprised and shocked at what a difficult child/teen will not do that we expected them to do. Good luck. Of course, the theft issue has to be dealt with. If he does it again, tell him you will call the police even if your parents won't. [/QUOTE]
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