confused right now

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by sooooo tired, May 14, 2016.

  1. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    Well my daughter hasn't been in contact with me for a month now. She changed her phone number, took down her facebook page and I havent seen my grandson for 2 weeks. Although I miss my little guy, I have no desire to see my daughter or her boyfriend. I worry about my grandson and a part of me wants to pick him up but the other part of me doesnt want any contact with my daughter right now. Is it wrong to not pick him up because of them? The last time I had him, someone was suppose to pick him up at 6 and no one got him till 10:30 at night. They have no respect for me, and the fact that I have to go to work the next morning. The boyfriend told me that my daughter was having a really bad day and that he would pick him up after work!! Since when do you get to choose not to be a parent just because you are having a bad day!!! i just need a break for a while, but i dont want my grandson to think im not there for him!!
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hon, no, it's not wrong. Sadly, we grandparents have no legal right to be see our grandkids. Seeing them is seeing dad and or mom too and is up to them. That means for many grandparents everywhere that if we have erratic, unstable adult children, we CANT really be there for our grandkids. I have two legal grandchildren I've never seen and there is no way I can force their parents to let me see them. And the parents have been so vile to me that I prefer keeping it that way rather than having to see my son and his wife too. In a way, I think it's easier on me to never have gotten involved so that I would bond with them and they'd be used against me. Your situation in my opinion is harder.

    You need a break. Period. Take the break for as long as you want. If you feel grandson is being abused or neglected, call CPS. They will check in on family.

    I hope you continue to be good to yourself. Your daughter has been so mean to you for no reason and she hasn't changed. You need to decide when or even if you want to deal with her and crazy boyfriend again. It is your decision. It is part of seeing your grandson. Heartbreaking really.

    Try to have a peaceful night. Take care of yourself.
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    Last edited: May 14, 2016
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I am proud of you for stepping back and taking a break.
    I know you miss your grandson but do not worry, he won't forget you or think that you are not there for him.
    You have changed the dynamics of your relationship with your daughter and she is recognizing it.
    You are doing great! I know it may not feel like it but you are.
    Hang in there!!
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  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Soooo tired, I think you are making tremendous progress in putting yourself at the top of the list. I know it is very hard to put yourself there, and then to keep yourself there, when you love and care about people. We want so much for our children and families.

    We can love people without completely giving ourselves over to them and their dysfunction. That is what you are working to figure out, that balance.

    I think recognizing when we need a break is a very good thing. And a break doesn't have to mean forever. That is where the value of living life one day at a time comes in. There is tremendous power and relief in realizing that "just for today" you can make a decision, and that tomorrow, you hold the power and ability to change your mind if you want to.

    I never even realized how living this way is so tremendously freeing until I started learning about it, and practicing it via Al-Anon.

    Just letting my son's calls go to voice mail (seems like a very simple thing, right?) was huge for me. It gave me time and space and the ability to "get myself together" before I responded.

    Hang in there. You are in control here. You have choices. Think about what you need and what brings you peace, joy and serenity. Believe me, the wheels are turning at their house, and time will serve its purpose with them.

    We're here for you, sooo tired. Warm hugs this morning.
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