Consequences? what's next?

[insanemomoffour]

My difficult child had a band concert this evening. After the concert as we are walking out of the building he tells me he needs to talk to me because he got in "big trouble" today at school. ok, what? It took a few questions for him to get to the point to find that he is suspended for the rest of the school year(until May 29th) and then it says can return Aug 14(when school resumes)for calling the security officer a b***h. Not sure the whole story. That is just what the suspension paper said. This took place at 10:00am today. No phone call from school. My question is what should the punishment be. He is 16yo and nothing fazes him. It seems like there is some sort of crap daily. I am tired and my husband is fed up also. We can't just quit, I just don't know what else to do. It takes so much energy.

 

[KarlaQ]

Does he have a job? Maybe you could see about getting him a job at a local farm, maybe doing janitorial work, or go to manpower and see if they can't find something for him. Just something to let him know what he will be getting into trying to find work without graduating high school.
I am not putting people with GEDs down, my hubby has one and is extreamly inteligent (a better speller than me for starters, lol). Make him do this no matter what the whole time he's out of school.
Every time he disrespects an employer and gets fired put him right back out there, maybe with a more difficult job, untill he gets the point that he must learn to respect authority or will end up on the street and unemployed as an adult.
And also, he may be to old for this but our kids get a spoon full of vinegar each time they lie or cuss, it has cut down on both.
Good luck this summer and stick in there.

 

[Marguerite]

About YOU punishing him - don't. You weren't there, you don't know what happened. The school has set punishment, you shouldn't add to it. Frankly, I think suspending a kid for this is crazy, so t here's either more to the story or the school is way over the top.

That doesn't mean you reward him, or make his life easy. Some idiot has sent him home as PUNISHMENT!??!? (yeah, right... no school for a few extra weeks = punishment... in whose dictionary?). So THAt is what you have to deal with.

I would set what has long been a rule in our family - school work during school hours. If he's not in mainstream, he can do other schoolwork which either you can set him, or the school can send home. Make it clear, this is no holiday. One way or another, he HAS to get an education between his two ears and that thick skull. He may as well learn to educate himself, if his school is going to send him home like this.

Alternative - get a job. Either a paying job, or a volunteer position. He needs a work ethic. He can have some choice, but during school hours he must be positively occupied, not loafing around. Suggested jobs (volunteer or otherwise) - shovelling manure on a farm, a stables or a zoo (difficult child 1 did this last one). Helping out by talking to residents, reading to them and other fiddly things at an old folks home or nursing home. Maybe just letting them talk while he listens. Helping them post letters, thread needles, whatever. Bagging groceries. Flipping hamburgers. Washing up. Mowing lawns. Weeding gardens. Mending clothes.

He may see this as you punishing him, but make it clear that you are not. What you ARE doing, is filling in the necessary education gap as well as teaching him about knuckling down and getting on with the job.

difficult child 3 learned very little, if anything, in mainstream school. He learnt far more during his enforced stays at home, and now does all his school from home, much more successfully. But what set him up for this - "school work during school hours".

Good luck. And do some digging, but listen to both sides. I really don't like the sound of this. A smart-mouthed kid needs to be handled a different way. And security staff are not so thin-skinned. There is a lot more to this story that you haven't been told, by difficult child or by the school.

Marg

 

[ROE]

I agree with everything Marquerite said. First off, the school's punishment is too extreme, perhaps there is more to the story that you have not heard yet.

My difficult child, was suspended once in-school for cussing in class(did not call the teacher a name though)and giving attitude. He was also given a fine for disorderly conduct for the same offense. He was a repeat offender in this particular class. I did not punish him further (he had to sell some of his stuff to pay his fine), usually the consequence the school sets is enough. I

When my difficult child is suspended out of school, it seems like more of a punishment for me than him. I use a vacation day to try to make sure he is not having a vacation himself. He's never been suspended out of school for more than two days at time. Yikes, I would not be able to take off of work at the drop of a hat for the amount of time your difficult child has been suspended for.

 

[smallworld]

You need to have a meeting with the school to figure out exactly what happened and why this length of suspension (sounds like extreme "punishment" for the "crime"). In addition, I'm not sure it's legal -- you need to check into your school district's regulations. You might want to post over on Special Education 101. The moderators, Martie and Sheila, are a wealth of information.

Does your difficult child have a diagnosis and an IEP?