Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Feb 19, 2009.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It never ceases to amaze me how I can be so mad at difficult child one moment and then end up feeling so bad for him.

    As most of you know he has really been struggling at home lately. Two nights ago he ended up with Stop the World and we almost called crisis respite or the police. He was really off that night and not being safe.

    Then yesterday, he and easy child were in a fight mostly initiated by easy child. She ended up getting physical with him and then difficult child came into our room crying that everyone was picking on him. Apparently one of the students was bullying him and shoving him around a bit. difficult child really is trying soooooo hard right now to hold it together at school. From talking to a teacher today it sounds as if difficult child has a part but it is mostly the other child who is also Special Education. Apparently two other boys tell him to give difficult child a hard time so he does and it becomes "entertainment" for the two boys.

    I felt so bad for him last night. Today was better kidwise with difficult child. However, at around 12:45 or so today he called me at work. He asked if I would come pick him up. I thought he said because he was sick so when I asked to talk to the nurse, he told me he wasn't sick that he had said sad. He was callling me from his cell phone in the bathroom. I told him to go find his case manager and have her call me. When I didn't get a call back in about 15 minutes, I called his school and was able to talk with the teacher he was with.

    Apparently it wasn't a friendship issue but a teacher issue. He has this one teacher for math and when I met her last year I couldn't believe it. Let's just say she is someone who probably should no longer be teaching. Today difficult child was upset about something and threw his things on the floor. Not a good choice on his part but certainly not the end of the world. Apparently the teacher grabbed him by his shirt and that is what he was upset about.

    First off it was a bad decision for that teacher to do that. No physcial stuff should be happening. Secondly with as upset as difficult child was he could have really gone into a rage. I was actually very proud that he chose to go the bathroom and call me rather than acting out.

    difficult child's case manager has tried to get him out of that math class but to no avail. husband and I will be e-mailing the principal tonight.

    I swear he can get me so mad and then something like this happens and I feel so sorry for him.

    It was quite the day today first dealing this morning with a major difficult child throwing things around and threatening violence and then dealing with my difficult child stuff this afternoon.

    Thanks for listening-I'm off to drive difficult child to wrestling practice.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    It must be hard to go through this with difficult child. I'm glad you and husband will advocate to get him into a different math class... difficult child will eventually be blamed when he can no longer control himself. {{{Hugs}}} to you and to difficult child. I hope tomorrow is better.
  3. Janna

    Janna New Member


    You just can't get a break. Poor difficult child.

    Yeah, just like TM said, I'd be worried that it gets to where he can't control himself anymore and then, *bam*, downfall. Good idea to try to get him out of there.

    Hope wrestling goes good!
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks TM and Janna-I hope we can get him out of that class and, if nothing else, it will at least be documented in case something else happens. It just is so hard to see him hurting.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    Praying that you get him out of there! Hugs, ML
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    That is the worst when they feel that even the teacher is not on their side. I know that teachers, like the rest of us, have their bad days--but it is terrible when they take out their frustration on the students.

    I hope you will be able to get him out of that class!

  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    I'm going to say something ~ believe me when I tell you I say it with love & concern for you & your family.

    Whether you feel bad or sad for difficult child you have to stick to the program. If it's time to call in police or crisis respite do it. difficult child needs to know that you & husband mean business. He's at an age where he will start to be held accountable for his choices whether he's mentally ill or not. Now is the time to push behaviors that will become ingrained or at the very least a habit.

    Your difficult child struggles daily with issues I know that. He's emotionally not at his chronological age yet his expectations are becoming more & more age appropriate at school. In the world.

    Math teacher was wrong no doubt about it. easy child/difficult child was wrong in egging difficult child on - I'm in total agreement. However, difficult child's reactons need to change. Your soft heart needs to detach a bit more & stop the world more often. Call crisis respite more often before you lose those servies.

    If I'm off base here, please forgive me. I've had more nights like yours than I can count & care to admit to with the tweedles. Until I became a hard :censored2:, so to speak, with kt & wm I made no headway.

    White light & positive thoughts to you & your entire family this early morning ((((hugs)))).
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ml and Daisy-Thanks for the prayers and support.

    Linda-Thanks for your support and wise words. We do stop his world every single time with the violence to husband or myself. School handles their side of things. You are right though about the crisis respite and/or the police. I'm especially still struggling with the police part but believe, me when I say I'm getting stronger and know I will probably need to do so one day.

    The school incident is interesting. The teacher who found spoke with difficult child was really upset with the math teacher. He said he probably shouldn't tell me but he was really upset at what happened to difficult child. He said we should definitely make sure something is in writing so it is documented. Being a teacher, I usually go beyond most people in trying to understand where the teacher is coming from. In this case, I just can't.

    I was introduced to this teacher last year when trying to decide whether or not to send difficult child to this school. I thought it would be a good match except for this one person. The Special Education teacher, a friend, who was with me could not even believe this teacher was a Special Education teacher.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'd be upset with the teacher, too. I'm glad you are going to address it. For one, if the kids aren't allowed to grab another's shirt or do anything physical, the teacher shouldn't do it either and get by with it. Admittedly, I have done this to my son, but it wasn't a good thing to do on my part either. Secondly, if you address it, I think it reinforces difficult child's good choice to not rage, but tell an appropriate person (you, in this case) instead. I think he's more likely to rage in the future if he thought it would be pointless to tell you or another adult when something happens that bothers him. Just my 2 cents!

    And yeah- I do understand about going from being really upset with him to feeling so bad for him!