Controlling my reactions?

[dstc_99]

I have noticed lately that I react badly when easy child says or acts in ways similar to difficult child. I am having the hardest time not reacting to the actions with an overreaction. I know how bad that is but at the same time my difficult child PTSD kicks in and I immediately feel like I am dealing with difficult child. It normally happens over the phone, probably because easy child sounds like difficult child and I can't see her face so all I can hear is the tone of voice and the words. Grant it she is not being horrible and calling me names just throwing a little attitude around. For right now I am just cutting it off quickly and then trying to let it go.

How do you guys deal with it when you see/hear your easy child doing difficult child things? How do you control that guy reaction?

 

[Wiped Out]

I know I've done that and I work at consciously not doing it (although easy child/difficult child can be really gfgish). I try to take a deep breath before responding. It does help me.

 

[Umberlee168]

I hear ya. I feel this mostly with my daughter, because she is the one most likely to argue back or make excuses. She does this nowhere near to the degree that my difficult child does, but when she starts in husband and I both just bristle automatically. husband is very demanding of instant obedience so any kind of politicking/convincing/pleading the other side is instantly classified as disobedience or insubordination even if it's not intended that way. It doesn't help that I've always been on the fence as to how democratic I need to be as a parent.

 

[mbirdwell75801]

I do my youngest easy child this way. I know it's because I fear having to go through this with two of them so close together. I often have to walk away breathe and then re-address the situation.I think learning to give me a timeout is one of the biggest and hardest things iI work on daily. our immediate reaction may not always be the best. I'm new here, but not new to the world of parenting trying children.

 

[pasajes4]

I find myself reacting to the things that difficult child does that mirror the behaviors of his bio dad ( he was hideous). I am amazed that so much of what he says and does are identical to his father whom he does not know. It does not help that as he gets older he looks more like biodad.

 

[dstc_99]

Thanks guys! I was wondering if I was the only one who did this. I swear it just eats me alive when they do stuff that is similar