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Coping with addicted, homeless adult daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764974" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Dad</p><p>Your comment above which I have posted is as good as it gets, at least, for me. I am in a similar situation with my 35-year-old son who has been homeless for 12 years or so. He has had multiple psychiatric hospitalizations. </p><p></p><p>While other parents of well children are able to have the expectation and experience of their children emancipating and gaining independence, well-being, and building lives with purpose and loving families, we face varying degrees of dependency, crisis, uncertainty and chaos.</p><p></p><p>Therefore, that they might come to harm but at the same time leave open the possibility of G-d's healing, is a reality that we live. I think any other way of seeing our situations is unrealistic when our beloved children live degrading, difficult, and nightmarish lives.</p><p></p><p>I am proof positive that we can change, and come to live our own lives with dignity, hope and some degree of peace. While I have worse times, for the most part I accept our situation and try to have the best life that I can, and to count my blessings. I do this because I am able to accept that my son and I are different people. I have earned my life and I don't have to throw away days of enjoyment, security, dignity, tranquility and comfort....because my son lives in the street. He can live his life. I can live mine.</p><p></p><p>Of course I feel pain writing those above words. But my suffering did not help my son live better. If anything, he was worse, because he learned that he had great power over me. It made him a worse, not a better person. But more than this, why should a parent live the consequences of the choices of another adult person?</p><p></p><p>Each of us has a responsibility in this life, to live well. As a religious person, I believe this. If I take responsibility for my child's actions, by hobbling myself in my own life, I harm him. He is the one who is responsible. It is a loving to hold him responsible.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764974, member: 18958"] Dear Dad Your comment above which I have posted is as good as it gets, at least, for me. I am in a similar situation with my 35-year-old son who has been homeless for 12 years or so. He has had multiple psychiatric hospitalizations. While other parents of well children are able to have the expectation and experience of their children emancipating and gaining independence, well-being, and building lives with purpose and loving families, we face varying degrees of dependency, crisis, uncertainty and chaos. Therefore, that they might come to harm but at the same time leave open the possibility of G-d's healing, is a reality that we live. I think any other way of seeing our situations is unrealistic when our beloved children live degrading, difficult, and nightmarish lives. I am proof positive that we can change, and come to live our own lives with dignity, hope and some degree of peace. While I have worse times, for the most part I accept our situation and try to have the best life that I can, and to count my blessings. I do this because I am able to accept that my son and I are different people. I have earned my life and I don't have to throw away days of enjoyment, security, dignity, tranquility and comfort....because my son lives in the street. He can live his life. I can live mine. Of course I feel pain writing those above words. But my suffering did not help my son live better. If anything, he was worse, because he learned that he had great power over me. It made him a worse, not a better person. But more than this, why should a parent live the consequences of the choices of another adult person? Each of us has a responsibility in this life, to live well. As a religious person, I believe this. If I take responsibility for my child's actions, by hobbling myself in my own life, I harm him. He is the one who is responsible. It is a loving to hold him responsible. [/QUOTE]
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