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Coping with addicted, homeless adult daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Dad34" data-source="post: 765004" data-attributes="member: 32757"><p>Hi Copa,</p><p>Thank you for responding to my post with your wise and tender comments. I've read a number of your posts and have benefited from the wisdom you've shared with others (as well as from your comments here). From your posts I'm aware of some of the details of your heartbreak, and am sorry you have had to go through it. I also have only one child, my daughter. I don't know if that makes it worse or not (compared to having more than one child), since anyone who has a wayward, addict child suffers terribly. Either way, we must detach from the horror of what may happen or does happen and learn to live grateful, meaningful lives, connected to God our creator and draw strength and peace from Him. </p><p></p><p>This is well said, and your example is encouraging. I must remind myself constantly to choose to live the way you are describing...with dignity, hope, and peace, and not despair, sadness, and depression. Yes, I also have worse times and I imagine that is normal for those of us in these circumstances. But being thankful even for small blessings (which are probably bigger than we know), such as being able to take a walk and enjoy the green grass and blue sky, take a deep breath of fresh air, say hi to a neighbor, or read a good book is so helpful. When the pain returns, I try to turn my daughter over to God immediately in prayer, so at least I'm not suffering alone (I know God is present with me). Someone in this forum has said that God knows and loves our children even more than we do (he created them, after all!), and he cares for them. I believe that, and take comfort in it. And, as you said, our adult children are responsible for their own choices and we have to live our own lives as well as we can, and not be torpedoed by their choices.</p><p></p><p>This is so true, and I agree totally. I do struggle with some of my later conversations with my daughter. She told me she loves me, but because I didn't do what she asked, she has cut herself off from me. As I said in my earlier post, in one way it is a blessing not to hear from her. But in another way it is hard because I sometimes fear she either thinks I don't love her because I didn't do what she asked, or worse, thinks I don't care and would never help her again. Somehow I want to tell her I am willing to help IF she really is serious. But I fear I would just be playing the fool again too, given the track record. It is such an endless cycle. I've messaged her on Facebook several times to tell her I love her and she doesn't respond. It could be she is attempting to exercise control over me by cutting herself off, I really don't know. Either way, I must not hobble myself as you said, because it does neither me nor her any good. Life is a gift and I choose to live my life well.</p><p></p><p>This is very familiar to me...I have thought the same thing so many times. I try to break free of the sadness for my situation by being thankful for them, for their better situations. I have three step children who are all adults and are doing well. Two of them have young children (ages 0 to 2). They include me in their lives and I am granddad to their children, and I'm thankful for that. Of course, it's sad my daughter has checked out and is not involved in my life or my step children's lives for that matter...they would welcome her. But that is my daughter's choice and I must continue to choose to enjoy my step children and their kids, and be thankful they want me to be involved with them.</p><p>Blessings to you, Copa.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dad34, post: 765004, member: 32757"] Hi Copa, Thank you for responding to my post with your wise and tender comments. I've read a number of your posts and have benefited from the wisdom you've shared with others (as well as from your comments here). From your posts I'm aware of some of the details of your heartbreak, and am sorry you have had to go through it. I also have only one child, my daughter. I don't know if that makes it worse or not (compared to having more than one child), since anyone who has a wayward, addict child suffers terribly. Either way, we must detach from the horror of what may happen or does happen and learn to live grateful, meaningful lives, connected to God our creator and draw strength and peace from Him. This is well said, and your example is encouraging. I must remind myself constantly to choose to live the way you are describing...with dignity, hope, and peace, and not despair, sadness, and depression. Yes, I also have worse times and I imagine that is normal for those of us in these circumstances. But being thankful even for small blessings (which are probably bigger than we know), such as being able to take a walk and enjoy the green grass and blue sky, take a deep breath of fresh air, say hi to a neighbor, or read a good book is so helpful. When the pain returns, I try to turn my daughter over to God immediately in prayer, so at least I'm not suffering alone (I know God is present with me). Someone in this forum has said that God knows and loves our children even more than we do (he created them, after all!), and he cares for them. I believe that, and take comfort in it. And, as you said, our adult children are responsible for their own choices and we have to live our own lives as well as we can, and not be torpedoed by their choices. This is so true, and I agree totally. I do struggle with some of my later conversations with my daughter. She told me she loves me, but because I didn't do what she asked, she has cut herself off from me. As I said in my earlier post, in one way it is a blessing not to hear from her. But in another way it is hard because I sometimes fear she either thinks I don't love her because I didn't do what she asked, or worse, thinks I don't care and would never help her again. Somehow I want to tell her I am willing to help IF she really is serious. But I fear I would just be playing the fool again too, given the track record. It is such an endless cycle. I've messaged her on Facebook several times to tell her I love her and she doesn't respond. It could be she is attempting to exercise control over me by cutting herself off, I really don't know. Either way, I must not hobble myself as you said, because it does neither me nor her any good. Life is a gift and I choose to live my life well. This is very familiar to me...I have thought the same thing so many times. I try to break free of the sadness for my situation by being thankful for them, for their better situations. I have three step children who are all adults and are doing well. Two of them have young children (ages 0 to 2). They include me in their lives and I am granddad to their children, and I'm thankful for that. Of course, it's sad my daughter has checked out and is not involved in my life or my step children's lives for that matter...they would welcome her. But that is my daughter's choice and I must continue to choose to enjoy my step children and their kids, and be thankful they want me to be involved with them. Blessings to you, Copa. [/QUOTE]
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