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Coping with Gossip in the Family
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623811" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You're right, Nancy. Although my dad treated all the grandkids the same (which is to say he had little to do with them), his words stung and I knew he didn't really accept my adopted kids. He would often say to me, "If you are low on money, YOU chose to adopt all those kids." I never really confided in him about my monetary situation, but he'd throw that in every so often, which always left me speechless. He often made racial slurs and probably still does, but never to me anymore as I put my foot down. Yet I know he doesn't value people who are not white and my children, except for 36, are not white. For a while, he would even use the word n***** to me, before I had any bluster or fight in me. But that has changed and I have told him exactly what I think of his bigotry and how he either cuts that talk completely or I will not talk to him. I remind him that his grandchildren love him and don't care that he is a different race then them. Lately they have been very good to him as he ages and I noticed he makes a very strong effort NEVER to mention race in our conversations. I think he does love them now, but...at times he has been intolerable. Not just to me, by the way. In his case, he has been awful to all of his kids. </p><p></p><p>My favorite statement he has said a lot is, "Not one of you kids have given me one moment of pleasure. Not one." And this is a man I'm supposed to love and turn to in hard times and confide in? I do love him because...I don't know why, but I do. However, he is not somebody I could ever count on for any emotional support. I do not feel as close to him as I do some of my friends and certainly not my husband or kids, who are the only ones I really trust (well, Sonic, Jumper and Julie anyway and sometimes 36). They ARE my only family in my eyes. I had a friend who was too, but she died way too young. She was my real sister, the one who was always there.</p><p></p><p>And this man helped create my life, yet he is so insensitive. I get sick thinking about how he used to talk about different Chicago politicians in relation to their race...knowing I love to death both Sonic and Jumper. Sometimes I wonder: What was he thinking? Is he really that dense? A Pharmacist with a high IQ? REALLY?</p><p></p><p>Often our best allies and cheerleaders are not part of our family. That's why I changed my mind about what a real family is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623811, member: 1550"] You're right, Nancy. Although my dad treated all the grandkids the same (which is to say he had little to do with them), his words stung and I knew he didn't really accept my adopted kids. He would often say to me, "If you are low on money, YOU chose to adopt all those kids." I never really confided in him about my monetary situation, but he'd throw that in every so often, which always left me speechless. He often made racial slurs and probably still does, but never to me anymore as I put my foot down. Yet I know he doesn't value people who are not white and my children, except for 36, are not white. For a while, he would even use the word n***** to me, before I had any bluster or fight in me. But that has changed and I have told him exactly what I think of his bigotry and how he either cuts that talk completely or I will not talk to him. I remind him that his grandchildren love him and don't care that he is a different race then them. Lately they have been very good to him as he ages and I noticed he makes a very strong effort NEVER to mention race in our conversations. I think he does love them now, but...at times he has been intolerable. Not just to me, by the way. In his case, he has been awful to all of his kids. My favorite statement he has said a lot is, "Not one of you kids have given me one moment of pleasure. Not one." And this is a man I'm supposed to love and turn to in hard times and confide in? I do love him because...I don't know why, but I do. However, he is not somebody I could ever count on for any emotional support. I do not feel as close to him as I do some of my friends and certainly not my husband or kids, who are the only ones I really trust (well, Sonic, Jumper and Julie anyway and sometimes 36). They ARE my only family in my eyes. I had a friend who was too, but she died way too young. She was my real sister, the one who was always there. And this man helped create my life, yet he is so insensitive. I get sick thinking about how he used to talk about different Chicago politicians in relation to their race...knowing I love to death both Sonic and Jumper. Sometimes I wonder: What was he thinking? Is he really that dense? A Pharmacist with a high IQ? REALLY? Often our best allies and cheerleaders are not part of our family. That's why I changed my mind about what a real family is. [/QUOTE]
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