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Coping with grief after kicking difficult child out
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 628353" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>It is likely he will contact you again in some point, but it is impossible to know, when that point will be and what are his goals for that contact. So better to be prepared to many different possibilities.</p><p></p><p>I'm sure this is very hard time also for him and he has lot of figuring out to do. If I understood correctly, this ex-boyfriend has been part of his life his whole life as he remembers it. And has been his constant father figure during those years. It took you, with much more experience and life wisdom, this long to come to conclusion that something is wonky in this guy and he may be psychopath. Figuring that out will be very hard for your son too. Of course if he truly is a psychopath, he will sooner or later screw also your son over and then he will know. But unfortunately there is about nothing you can do to make him believe it before that even if he does contact you again. From his point of view ex-boyfriend is dear and important person who has been there for him. </p><p></p><p>And while your husband is amazing step-dad and you have known him a long time, for your son he is a stranger who came to his life during his teen years and changed everything. Teens most often don't take a new step parent well. It doesn't help how great they are, teens just don't want a new parent into their lives at that point. Often that too gets better when they grow up. </p><p></p><p>Your son has lots of maturing and figuring out to do and best thing you can do in the meanwhile is take a good care of yourself. And when he does contact again, don't try to push your truth to him. His memories and understanding of them is likely to be different and that will not change just because you say so. No more than your understanding and memories wouldn't change, if he for example would call you and tell how great guy your ex-boyfriend is. But yes, it is likely that at some point he wants to speak more about his dad with you and that is a good thing. He will never have a chance to know his dad from adult perspective, only thing he can do is listen you and others who knew him.</p><p></p><p>But things like this take time. Sometimes lots of time. In the meanwhile, try to be nice to yourself and enjoy your life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 628353, member: 14557"] It is likely he will contact you again in some point, but it is impossible to know, when that point will be and what are his goals for that contact. So better to be prepared to many different possibilities. I'm sure this is very hard time also for him and he has lot of figuring out to do. If I understood correctly, this ex-boyfriend has been part of his life his whole life as he remembers it. And has been his constant father figure during those years. It took you, with much more experience and life wisdom, this long to come to conclusion that something is wonky in this guy and he may be psychopath. Figuring that out will be very hard for your son too. Of course if he truly is a psychopath, he will sooner or later screw also your son over and then he will know. But unfortunately there is about nothing you can do to make him believe it before that even if he does contact you again. From his point of view ex-boyfriend is dear and important person who has been there for him. And while your husband is amazing step-dad and you have known him a long time, for your son he is a stranger who came to his life during his teen years and changed everything. Teens most often don't take a new step parent well. It doesn't help how great they are, teens just don't want a new parent into their lives at that point. Often that too gets better when they grow up. Your son has lots of maturing and figuring out to do and best thing you can do in the meanwhile is take a good care of yourself. And when he does contact again, don't try to push your truth to him. His memories and understanding of them is likely to be different and that will not change just because you say so. No more than your understanding and memories wouldn't change, if he for example would call you and tell how great guy your ex-boyfriend is. But yes, it is likely that at some point he wants to speak more about his dad with you and that is a good thing. He will never have a chance to know his dad from adult perspective, only thing he can do is listen you and others who knew him. But things like this take time. Sometimes lots of time. In the meanwhile, try to be nice to yourself and enjoy your life. [/QUOTE]
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Coping with grief after kicking difficult child out
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