cops and more insanity

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Jan 21, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi

    my days are so insanely busy i got up at 6 a.m. today and still going strong it's 7 here now.

    so........ got a call today after taking a "me" break and getting a haircut in hospital plot from a cop with whom was at my front door.

    easy child yet again let the stupid dog lose, now neighbors have filed formal complaints. a police officer went to my house with my dog in hand who was running neighborhood in plain clothes and requested easy child open the door.

    she panicked and ofcourse had a house full of friends over unbeknownst to me and husband and proceeded to tel him she wasn't opening the door her mother wasn't home and than cursed him out. than gave him my yes my cell number.

    so....... he called me i tried to explain where i was located and husband and stated that i was sorry yet have zero control right now over what is going on with the dog and husband is at work. i said take the dog if you have to. he said i wont' because i get what's going on yet we have to do an investigation now!

    long story short easy child's friends mom had to go there (she sux by the way) her kid with whom i requested not be there was there which lead her to go there. the cop had to enter my home take pics of my animals and they'll be doing a full investigation into the care of my animals.

    i'm gone 13 days today. just 13 days and it's all falling apart there. i have no control over it, easy child texts and calls everyday with some insane tale, or bothering me over boots she wants or acting as though i "abandoned" her. stating there's no food yet there is etc.

    i had to sit yesterday while i was in art therapy with difficult child and order groceries on line because husband couldnt' figure out the password.

    so now i'm being investigated by cps and aspca. and just sad because difficult child is beginning to eat yet she cant' complete a meal. she cries so much. it's been such a long road and thsi stress ontop of it, just not fair.
     
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *HUGS* Jena. I gotta wonder if her houseful of friends is eating everything. I'd have asked the cop on the phone to chase out all the extras that shouldn't have been there.
     
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I'm so sorry, Jena. easy child should know that this is very stressful for you, having to be away from home with not safety net out there, and yet she is being selfish and pulling this nonsense. ((((HUGS))))

    Pam
     
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i've calmed now i wonder what other agency can investigate me next?? :) it's all just laughable and ridiculous and easy child isnt' getting a car anytime soon.
     
  5. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I've had CPS called on me by the school, Animal Control multiple times by my psycho neighbors, Department of Health by my former next-door who claimed I was spreading West Nile virus in my kiddie pool (which we didn't empty every night because it was about 50 gallons but we did treat it with chlorine so it wasn't stagnant water), Highway Department (I have a fire hydrant in front of my house and psycho neighbors tried to get it moved over about 10', which would have resulted in my having NO legal parking spots in front of my house - Highway guy told neighbor he could have it moved in front of HER house - she didn't know he was a friend of H's) and I don't even remember everything else. I admit that during the last drought, I called the water dept on psycho neighbors because they were not obeying the odd-even watering rules (you could only water on the day that matches your house number) and were watering their lawn EVERY day. Oh and psycho neighbor once called the police because we had "dangerous" weapons in our yard - it was a pruning shears on a pole so you could cut small branches without needing a ladder. They also called the police one Easter Sunday to report an illegally parked car - my son parked the car by the fire hydrant so he could help my elderly mother in law into the house; neighbor called the cops before he could get back and move it. In my no crime town, the cops were there before son got back outside. Believe me when I say that I can't wait for my kids to be grown so I can move back into Manhattan, where I'll have hundreds of neighbors and not know any of them!

    Sometimes, you just have to laugh because the alternative is to fall apart.

    Concentrate on difficult child and tell yourself easy child is going through a phase. Even my "perfect" easy child daughter was a PITA her senior year in HS. She's a college soph now and is apologizing all the time for her selfish behavior in HS, when we were going through agita with ALL 4 of her brothers.
     
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well that sounds like fun---NOT!

    I think I would tell easy child to shape up. She isnt 3 but she is sure acting like it. At 17 she knows how to handle this by herself and doesnt need to call you for every little thing. If she does, tell her you are going to hire a sitter for her. And that you are going to post that on FB. What self respecting 17 year old needs a baby sitter?
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jen, difficult child isn't the only one who needs to separate from you a bit. At 17 your daughter cannot figure out how to walk the dog or get groceries? All those friends can come over but she can't get one of them to give her a ride to the store or tell her how to ride the bus there? She can't walk to the store? There were times as young as 11 that I walked 1-2 MILES to go shopping if I wanted to go and my parents couldn't/wouldn't take me.

    She is MORE than old enough to handle this stuff. So is husband. Tell them to stop bugging you unless it is important enough to pull difficult child out of the hospital and fly her home with you even if that means difficult child dies because she isn't able to eat. NOT that you would ever DO that, just tell your 17yo that.

    The more you "help" them by telling them how to handle things, the more they are going to keep dumping all of this on you.

    While you are away, try reading Parenting with Love and Logic and/or Parenting your Teen with Love and Logic. The hospital library may have them, or a local library or the RMH may have them. They are full of ways to help that can be very effective and reduce the stress on parents.

    As far as who else can be involved? SSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Don't poke any sleeping bears!!!!

    I am glad that difficult child is taking bites, even though it takes so much of your energy to get her through it. Is the tube staying in so you can feed her through it at night after day treatment, or is it coming out in the hopes that she will keep eating if she doesn't have it to fall back on? I know it feels like you have been there forever, but it hasn't been that long since she started getting all the calories her body needs, esp if it is to heal. Just wondering.

    I have faith that if you leave it up to husband and easy child they will figure out some way to handle the animal control issue and the cops.
     
  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Janet and Jena! Ok...not for nothing (as we say in the Big Apple), she's not acting 3. She's acting like a 17 year old. Mom and Dad are not there, there's a tv, a fridge, and probably video games. I'm not excusing the actions, but seriously - 17 and unsupervised, ordinarily in a very stressful situation - she let her hair (and her guard) down and got busted. Me? I'd be sooooo psyched and laughing up my sleeve that she was caught. Most kids aren't.

    No car? Absolutely. Grounding, slave-labor, lectures? 100%! She needs a serious come-uppance (not really sure how to spell that), but truthfully? This is one of the stories, years from now, when all of you (and the girls spouses/boyfriends) are sitting at the table and difficult child is wolfing down turkey and sweet potatos, that you're all going to crow about.

    Please try and find the silver lining. There's too much stress going on in all of your lives to drive yourself nuts about this.

    Keep grinding with difficult child. Let the hospital staff help with the feedings. It'll help her gain confidence, independence and the ability to trudge forth with this on her own. If she doesn't feel that you have confidence in her own ability, she won't shed her fear!

    Praying and rubbing rabbits feet!

    Beth
     
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I'd be grabbing easy child by the scruff and dragging her to stay with you for the duration. She refused to go when you asked her before - she has now lost the right to self-determination on this. Put the dogs into kennels or find other homes for the time being. easy child blew it big time, cannot be trusted, clearly. I'm wondering if the partying while husband is nor home is what led to the CPS call.

    However... how could husband not know? There would have to be evidence easy child's had friends over in bulk - the sudden lack of food, for a start. So I suspect husband isn't keeping his eyes open, either.

    Marg
     
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    True Beth...she is acting like a teen but then bratty teens are like bratty toddlers in my book!

    Honestly, I would have been in absolute heaven if my parents had left me home alone and I was that close to NYC! You would have gotten glowing reports on how well I was doing meanwhile I was running amok on the streets of Manhattan lol. But you would have never know about it because I would have never missed a class and never missed a phone call! Unless I was out at the store...wink wink! I certainly wouldnt be calling to complain.
     
  11. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Don't beat yourself up for any of this, you are doing all you can from where you are. And then some. Right now, your priority is difficult child, husband will have to handle the homefront.

    I commend all your doing to help your daughter. I hope you can give me some insight to your treatment. I am recovering from anorexia myself and I'm doing well. I was wondering why you're there all day. Don't they have all these group therapy type things for body image, self-esteem, and how a person needs to be mindful of their body, plan for the future, too many to get into....but, do they do that there? It seems that parents need to be away to get this work done- this is just asked out of curiosity-plus of course, individual therapy and family therapy- with your whole family over the phone. Of course there is visiting hours, but if you're the one trying to "get her to eat" can't you do that at home? I'm just totally curious and totally non-judgmental here. The 3 treatment centers I was at, all patients ate together- we had 2 11 year olds at Princeton. The adults and children were separated for groups however.

    What is a refeeding specialist? The change has to come from within, the places I went to eating was all done with behavior modification. Its a mental disorder, eating is beyond difficult. I'm sorry that difficult child is struggling! I know how hard it is! It's also hard to see your family upset, I'm sure difficult child is upset that you're upset. The whole thing is so awful! I am sorry you are going through this! (((HUGS))
     
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Up has some good questions. Does she have any therapy or is that done in day treatment? I have wondered why they don't have her in lots of therapy sessions, etc...? It just seems strange but then again I haven't dealt with this. I hope that day treatment is more independent for her - it will help her have confidence in herself.

    (((((hugs)))))
     
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