Could I get some prayers for Copper?

[Big Bad Kitty]

First a little background. A couple months ago I posted in PE that Copper had left her moron of a boyfriend and moved in with a friend. Since then, she met a new guy and moved in with him very quickly. She was not there 6 weeks when she realized that a) she moved on too fast and b) this new guy was bad news.

On the first of November she came to stay with me for awhile. (later today she is moving out, and into a youth program where she will be living with 3 other girls and a house mother). Anyways. This new guy is an absolute whackjob. He is X-military, a cop wannabe, his X-wife and kid already have a restraining order on him. Evidently he still stalks the X-wife (he has driven past her home with Copper IN THE CAR) and now has begun to stalk Copper.

She wasn't staying here 2 days and he called my home. My HOME NUMBER! I don't know how he got it, as Copper never calls me on that line, always my cell phone. He never even knew my last name. We have no clue how he got that number. Anyways I called him back and told him to stop calling my home and to leave my daughter alone. He has left countless text messages and has tried to contact her on her Myspace account. She blocked him, so then he contacted her on her obsoloete Myspace account (she got a new one after she left the leprechaun). Of course she has saved all the messages.

He also keeps showing up at her job (she works at Kohls) and has left notes on her car. A couple days ago he said to her "so I hear you are moving to such-and-such". Copper got really scared because she never told him she was moving there. Now we think he has hacked her private Myspace account; otherwise we have no idea how he got that information.

Now, his messages to her started out alopogetic (she left him after he was drunk and threw all her stuff out into the alley) but have turned accusitory. He has given her "the rundown" on why he thinks she won't give him another chance, and has told her that she is like her father (whom she has not seen since she was 8 years old). Basically he is trying to get her dander up.

Well today she saw him in MY PARKING LOT out by her car. After he left she went out to see if he left her another note, but found nothing. We wonder if he was trying to get the VIN on her car. We called the cops (and I called Matt!) and got a report number. The cops called him and told him to leave her alone or they would arrest him. She will be going to get a restraining order on him. But, he does not obey the one with his wife, why would he obey this one?

I just don't get guys like this. They were together SIX WEEKS and he is acting like she broke his heart into a million pieces. Move on already. She is very scared, and I am scared for her. Tink (whom I kept home today, I let her play hookey to spend one last day with her "sissy") is scared to death.

Prayers for her safety would be appreciated. She may be all grown up, but she is still my baby girl.

 

[trinityroyal]

BBK, how very scary.
Saying many prayers for Copper, and you and Tink.

Please make sure you have a safety plan in place. Somewhere Copper (and you and Tink) can go, a list of local Domestic Violence shelters. If you can arrange to, see if you can get Copper's car checked out for safety (brakes, leaks, etc.)

Sending very big hugs to all of you.
Trinity

 

[busywend]

BBK, I do not envy you. The worry you must feel. I had a stalker ex-boyfriend once. It was awfully stressful. Check in on Copper a lot. Not only to know she is safe, but to know she is dealing with the stress of it.

HUGS! Prayers being sent up for Copper and you!

 

[nvts]

Rattling beads and mucho prayers!

Whatta wacko! Did Matt say he'd keep an eye out for this dork? With him across the way, he might see him before you do.

I'd try and keep as much of the details away from Tink. She doesn't need anything whipping her into a frenzy, I'd stick to precautions of "you know you don't go ANYWHERE unless you're with me or (list names)". "If someone comes near you and tries to get them to go with you scream and yell fire!". You know the drill.

Thinking of all of you and praying like a mad man!

Beth

 

[house of cards]

Copper is definately in my prayers, hopefully the cops scared him a bit, he sounds very scary. Glad she knew to move on quickly, I'm praying that he will get help and leave her alone.

 

[Ephchap]

Oh gosh, Kitty - count on it. How very scary. Of course you're worried about her - yes, they are grown, but still our babies. I would check on her often too.

Mega hugs,
Deb

 

[everywoman]

I would have a safety plan in place at all times. Make sure that Copper knows not to go anywhere alone until this guy is out of the picture. Make sure that she has 911 as #1 on her speed dial. She needs to let her roommates know where she is going, what time she will be there, and when she will return. I know this sounds a little restrictive, but with guys like this, she must keep herself safe at all times. I would file a restraining order. If he shows up a Kohls, have him arrested. But, know that he will get out and probably come back.

 

[witzend]

I'd get Copper some mace or a stun gun & make sure she keeps it in her hand when walking even to the car. She didn't break his heart, she insulted him by not agreeing with his high opinion of himself.

 

[susiestar]

Saying prayres that all of you are safe from this guy.

Get coppers car checked out frequently. Like once a week - he could come and tamper with it very easily - y'all would be scared if you knew how easily I can tamper with a car - even disabled as I am. It truly is frightening what you can do with only a minute or less and your hands. I DON'T do this stuff, haven't since my freshman year in college, and then only stuff that wouldn't make a car not work properly - only stuff to impact the environment inside the car (make it stink) or make it not start at all, never something that would let it run and then break in use - much too dangerous.

Anyway, follow safety rules. Also, if he tries to take her anywhere, she should drop down to the ground and grab onto a pole or even wrap around his legs - think of a little kid and the gumball machine, how a kid can wrap around the dang thing and you can't get them off for love or money? That is what Tink and Copper need to do if they are in danger of this guy or anyone taking them anywhere. Let Tink practice walking like a crab - on the ground, legs and arms on the ground - it is the most effective way to get away, cause people don't know what to do when you do that and are screaming.

I HATE stalkers. been there done that with one, and with a bro who has the potential at times to be one. I hope this guy goes AWAY and leaves all of you alone soon.

 

[hearts and roses]

Sending prayers and positive thoughts. Definitely get a safety plan in place and agree on a meeting point should an emergency situation come up and you can't speak with one another. I agree with Witz about carrying mace or a stun-type of gun and having her car checked out by a mechanic. Also, tell copper to carry a whistle on her neck - she can hide it under her clothing. And she should speak with her immediate supervisors and let them know what's going on.

difficult child had a stalker at her workplace and via myspace and cell phone. She lost her job, we had to get a police report, which the cops were not nice about at all, not helpful in any way. difficult child closed her myspace account and we had her cell number changed and we blocked his numbers (once we knew them) on our home phone and added 'privacy manager' to our line.

This is so scary and I hope that Copper is taking it very seriously as the potential for her to get hurt is really unknown at this point. You don't know just how far he is willing to go. Our difficult child didn't take it seriously at first and thought we were overreacting. She needs to be prepared.

 

[slsh]

Good thoughts coming her way, BBK.

Another thought re: her safety. Come up with a safety word or phrase that only you and Copper know - tell her not to write it down or share it with anyone. It should be something that could be worked into a conversation without raising an alarm but something that would alert you that she's in trouble. "Mom, can you feed my new guinea pig?" or something like that.

I hope he moves on soon.

 

[Shari]

Hugs and prayers for you all. How scarey.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Glad Copper got out early! Scary stuff and saying prayers and sending good thoughts for her future!

 

[totoro]

I am keeping you all in my prayers.
The others have all given you the advice I would as well.
Please keep your family safe. I know you will! Why do people have to do *stuff* like this?
Sending some bad juju to this jerk!

 

[KTMom91]

That is just too scary. Poor kid, she doesn't need drama like this. Saying prayers that she stays safe.

 

[Star*]

been there done that - living the life currently -

1.) COPPER GOES NO WHERE ALONE - NOT EVEN TO HER CAR FROM WORK...
2.) GET HER SOME MACE AND PRACTICE USING IT.
3.) TELL HER IF A VAN IS CLOSE TO HER CARS DRIVER SIDE - GET IN ON THE PASSENGER SIDE.
4.) I think MATT could be escort to and from work for a while -

5.) YOU - keep ALL records of phone messages - and texts - COPPER - NO MORE MY SPACE. NO NADA - NOTHING - he's got her original email addy and password where she's had her NEW password for MS sent - (promise)

Dump all current email accounts and get a new one from somewhere else.

Alert your neighbors to his car, license etc....

I'm so sorry you have to go through this - I think it would ALSO be a good idea to talk to his ex wife and let her know the update.

Get Copper some better information from a local DV shelter.

NO MOVING IN WITH NEW GIRLS.....

 

[Wiped Out]

BBK,
So scary, you and Copper have my prayers.

 

[Lothlorien]

Star's mapped out a good plan. I would have her just stop all communications through the net or texting for a while. Dump all the phone/internet accounts and start over. He sounds like a real creepy character. Tell her not to forward any mail or any other info to the new place. I've been in a stalking situa. I had to move. I didn't forward my phone or address. I never told the guy where I worked, which was almost an hour away. ONE date caused a whole stalking thing. Of course, there was no internet when that happened. Stalking is a scary thing. She definitely needs to be blunt and tell him, under no circumstances, is there anything between them. Some woman feel the need to be nice, because they are afraid of the guy. Tell her not to be nice, or he'll feed into it, thinking that there could still be a chance.

Hugs and prayers for Copper. I know you must be very worried about her.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Sending positive thoughts that she will be ok and creepy dude will vanish into space soon.

beth

 

[flutterbee]

This is scary stuff. Prayers and good thoughts for Copper and all of you. The safety plans everyone listed are great. Make sure she follows them and not to let her guard down for a minute.

This has nothing to do with any heartbreak. It's a mental illness. And a scary one.