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Could someone please explain my difficult child to me?
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 356926" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Kathy, she is definitely out there. Her lack of memory/remorse/embarrassment seems excessive. She uses threats of "exposing" you as a bad parent like a sword. Of course, she had no recall of her behavior or internalizing what she has done or accepting consequences. You aren't a bad parent and anyone who has raised a child understands about self indulgent, self centered kids. </p><p>I find it hard to believe that she has no nice clothes. Yet, she isn't embarrassed that her bosses think she needs nicer tops? She somehow makes it your fault and your problem. I'm so glad husband spoke up. </p><p>That phone call should be a huge wake up call for husband. difficult child is not clicking on all cylinders and she needs some sort of treatment. Of course, none of it will work if she doesn't have a light bulb moment that all of this drama is due to her short sightedness. She can improve her life but if not she will be a victim of a series of no where relationships and hang with a bunch of no where friends complaining about how everyone keeps them down and it's all everyone else's fault. </p><p>It would seem the best thing you can do is let her hit bottom. She will guilt you horribly. Remember, you are the sane, stable one. Your accomplishments are your proof of life lived differently. What does she have to show for herself? Don't you dare allow her words without proof cut you. Just because it came from her mouth doesn't make it true or relevant to the discussion.</p><p>If she doesn't want treatment then she needs to make a plan to make herself independent how she is. </p><p></p><p>My example) lots of people think AS or folks who are autistic shouldn't need to be treated or cured. Society should accept them for who they are. Sounds great doesn't it? Well that means they must be independent, tax paying, responsible adults with a life that doesn't require a parent or a caretaker. They can be as eccentric as they want if they follow the basic rules of civilized people and a society that they live in. </p><p></p><p>Your difficult child doesn't have what my difficult child has but the thinking that "how she is, is good enough" (my difficult child's quote to me years ago) is prevalent in her view and her interactions with you. </p><p>Hang in there. Your relationship with her will have to be built differently than the one you would have with a more centered stable child. She isn't typical. She isn't independent and she isn't even kind to the people who love her and save her. Stepping back is a better way to go for husband and you. Let her fall on her face and turn away until she treats you with some appreciation and respect and not as a ATM machine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 356926, member: 3"] Kathy, she is definitely out there. Her lack of memory/remorse/embarrassment seems excessive. She uses threats of "exposing" you as a bad parent like a sword. Of course, she had no recall of her behavior or internalizing what she has done or accepting consequences. You aren't a bad parent and anyone who has raised a child understands about self indulgent, self centered kids. I find it hard to believe that she has no nice clothes. Yet, she isn't embarrassed that her bosses think she needs nicer tops? She somehow makes it your fault and your problem. I'm so glad husband spoke up. That phone call should be a huge wake up call for husband. difficult child is not clicking on all cylinders and she needs some sort of treatment. Of course, none of it will work if she doesn't have a light bulb moment that all of this drama is due to her short sightedness. She can improve her life but if not she will be a victim of a series of no where relationships and hang with a bunch of no where friends complaining about how everyone keeps them down and it's all everyone else's fault. It would seem the best thing you can do is let her hit bottom. She will guilt you horribly. Remember, you are the sane, stable one. Your accomplishments are your proof of life lived differently. What does she have to show for herself? Don't you dare allow her words without proof cut you. Just because it came from her mouth doesn't make it true or relevant to the discussion. If she doesn't want treatment then she needs to make a plan to make herself independent how she is. My example) lots of people think AS or folks who are autistic shouldn't need to be treated or cured. Society should accept them for who they are. Sounds great doesn't it? Well that means they must be independent, tax paying, responsible adults with a life that doesn't require a parent or a caretaker. They can be as eccentric as they want if they follow the basic rules of civilized people and a society that they live in. Your difficult child doesn't have what my difficult child has but the thinking that "how she is, is good enough" (my difficult child's quote to me years ago) is prevalent in her view and her interactions with you. Hang in there. Your relationship with her will have to be built differently than the one you would have with a more centered stable child. She isn't typical. She isn't independent and she isn't even kind to the people who love her and save her. Stepping back is a better way to go for husband and you. Let her fall on her face and turn away until she treats you with some appreciation and respect and not as a ATM machine. [/QUOTE]
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Could someone please explain my difficult child to me?
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