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Could someone please explain my difficult child to me?
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 356987" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I'm sorry, Kathy. I know this is just frustrating as all get-out. I liked what Fran had to say a lot. </p><p></p><p>In so far as your stuff goes, she either returns it, or she won't. If it is financially feasible for you to replace it, I would just do so ASAP. I know it's not what anyone wants to hear, but looking back at my life when people took "stuff" from me in a parting of the ways it was their way of holding onto their control over me. There's always going to be some little thing that your daughter won't give back. Don't let her drag it out. If I were able to, and if I were in your position, I would let it go - and your daughter's control over your emotions with it. </p><p></p><p>I would also take everything of hers and box it up and put it where she could get it without bothering me. Be realistic. The furniture is not hers. The clothing and personal care items are. If she bought the tv or the stereo or the game system or the computer, they're hers. If they were specifically bought as a gift for her, they're hers. Otherwise she was using your things in your home and you get the use of them back. Put the boxes on the porch and tell her she has x number of days to come get it before you send it to a charity. Or, leave them with a friend of hers if she has a friend willing to tolerate this nonsense. But it's time for you to determine what the end of this abusive part of the relationship is rather than let her drag it on forever. She thinks she's the puppet master and that you are dancing to her tune. Cut the strings in a way that she will have no doubt that she has lost her power over your happiness. It will be ugly -<em>but </em>- whatever you do will be ugly. Make it as quick as possible by leaving no doubt that you and your family are done with her controlling your lives and dragging you into her unhappiness.</p><p></p><p>{{{{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}}</p><p></p><p></p><p>(P.S.) If you replace your stuff with new things, it will be the best $300 you spent in years.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 356987, member: 99"] I'm sorry, Kathy. I know this is just frustrating as all get-out. I liked what Fran had to say a lot. In so far as your stuff goes, she either returns it, or she won't. If it is financially feasible for you to replace it, I would just do so ASAP. I know it's not what anyone wants to hear, but looking back at my life when people took "stuff" from me in a parting of the ways it was their way of holding onto their control over me. There's always going to be some little thing that your daughter won't give back. Don't let her drag it out. If I were able to, and if I were in your position, I would let it go - and your daughter's control over your emotions with it. I would also take everything of hers and box it up and put it where she could get it without bothering me. Be realistic. The furniture is not hers. The clothing and personal care items are. If she bought the tv or the stereo or the game system or the computer, they're hers. If they were specifically bought as a gift for her, they're hers. Otherwise she was using your things in your home and you get the use of them back. Put the boxes on the porch and tell her she has x number of days to come get it before you send it to a charity. Or, leave them with a friend of hers if she has a friend willing to tolerate this nonsense. But it's time for you to determine what the end of this abusive part of the relationship is rather than let her drag it on forever. She thinks she's the puppet master and that you are dancing to her tune. Cut the strings in a way that she will have no doubt that she has lost her power over your happiness. It will be ugly -[I]but [/I]- whatever you do will be ugly. Make it as quick as possible by leaving no doubt that you and your family are done with her controlling your lives and dragging you into her unhappiness. {{{{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}} (P.S.) If you replace your stuff with new things, it will be the best $300 you spent in years.) [/QUOTE]
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Could someone please explain my difficult child to me?
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