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Parent Emeritus
Could someone please explain my difficult child to me?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 357044" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi Kathy, </p><p> </p><p>You know when she was talking about new clothes? My FIRST thought was? UT OH.....she needs money and NEW clothes WITH the tags on would give her a way to return the items and get cash. So yeah.....NO to buying her anything. </p><p> </p><p>As far as her calling DF....and him being weak? I was the weak one in our house...DF was/is the rock. When I finally took a NO vote in my own home? Things improved. They aren't perfect by any means and I'm still working on "NO" for lots of things, but my health for one has vastly improved. Saying things like "No, seriously you can't live here. No, really I don't have $5.00." Then sticking to my guns? The results were hard, but amazing in as much as Dude did leave....and is trying to make it on his own. -even if he is making poor choices they are HIS choices. (i know that sounds bassackwards but point is I am not making the choices and don't have to deal with any fallout from consequences) he's realizing his actions get his consequences. - Huge. Dude believes he is Borderline (BPD) too, and my thought on that is - IF YOU ARE? and you KNOW IT? DO something about it. There are millions of FUNCTIONAL people in the world who are productive, working members of society WITH Borderline (BPD). Being unproductive and destructive is a choice. Dude agreed..but currently likes being like he is. Go figure. </p><p> </p><p>I am ALSO realizing this -and it's hard because a bigger part of me wants to FIX things. I also notice however and maybe you can pass this on to your husband...(gulp) I am not doing Dude any favors by prolonging his childhood.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 357044, member: 4964"] Hi Kathy, You know when she was talking about new clothes? My FIRST thought was? UT OH.....she needs money and NEW clothes WITH the tags on would give her a way to return the items and get cash. So yeah.....NO to buying her anything. As far as her calling DF....and him being weak? I was the weak one in our house...DF was/is the rock. When I finally took a NO vote in my own home? Things improved. They aren't perfect by any means and I'm still working on "NO" for lots of things, but my health for one has vastly improved. Saying things like "No, seriously you can't live here. No, really I don't have $5.00." Then sticking to my guns? The results were hard, but amazing in as much as Dude did leave....and is trying to make it on his own. -even if he is making poor choices they are HIS choices. (i know that sounds bassackwards but point is I am not making the choices and don't have to deal with any fallout from consequences) he's realizing his actions get his consequences. - Huge. Dude believes he is Borderline (BPD) too, and my thought on that is - IF YOU ARE? and you KNOW IT? DO something about it. There are millions of FUNCTIONAL people in the world who are productive, working members of society WITH Borderline (BPD). Being unproductive and destructive is a choice. Dude agreed..but currently likes being like he is. Go figure. I am ALSO realizing this -and it's hard because a bigger part of me wants to FIX things. I also notice however and maybe you can pass this on to your husband...(gulp) I am not doing Dude any favors by prolonging his childhood. [/QUOTE]
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Could someone please explain my difficult child to me?
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