could use some advice

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
Holy schmoly, $5 a day for lunch? WOW. I don't spend that much on me. The kids' lunches run us $2.55 a day, but they have a lunch account. So... At least I know they're buying food. Whatever they do with the food then is... Well, I can't change it.

When I was a freshman in HS - back in TX - almost no one ate in the cafeteria, too long of lines. We had an hour, and an "open campus" meaning we could go across the street to McD's, BK, Weinerschnitzel... Mom gave me $1.50 per day, I ate M&Ms and Mtn Dew from the vending machines almost every day for lunch and saved the rest to buy cigarettes. They were $1.25 a pack then.

...And I was a pretty good kid...
 

Jena

New Member
wow that was low!!! lol

kids aren't allowed off campus this year, too many car accidents in neighborhood due to that. lunch there runs about 4 bucks with-o a drink. they have a huge cafeteria with all sorts of vendors in it. so she gets subway sandwich.

cigs here now are ten a pack. yet what she does is she buys them from kids that get them from the reservations.
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
O...M...G... !!!

FOUR BUCKS for LUNCH, NO DRINK? And TEN for a pack of SMOKES? OK, they run from $4-$6 here (now) - $1.25 was in the mid-1980s in TX.

Gee Z. Pete. I'm floored. No way could we afford that. I guess it's good that we have a lower cost of living here... UGH!
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
With your income why isnt she on reduced lunch? Your husband is her step father and you dont work? I would think she would qualify. Just a thought.

OMG at the price of cigs too. I would have to quit...lol. I couldnt pay close to a hundred bucks a carton. I get mine for 28 bucks a carton. Sheesh. No wonder all those New Yorkers stockpile when they stop here...lol. I see them go out of here with two or three huge boxes of the cartons. I could probably make a fortune running cigs up and down 95!

Jena...I do think you need to start thinking about what you can really afford to do instead of what is popular to do with kids. Do all kids want cars when they graduate? Sure. Do they need them? No. Is it nice to have a big shindig for a graduation? I guess. Would it be perfectly satisfactory to have family to dinner to celebrate? I think so.

I have had two kids graduate HS and we took each of them out to a nice dinner with my Dad and step-mom. Actually my mom also came to Billy's graduation too. We all went out to a nice steakhouse. When Jamie graduated, it was just my Dad and step-mom down because my mom was already in the nursing home. Again we went to a nice restaurant. Oh...Cory went to the state mental hospital for the occasion. LOL. Same friggen night!

When Jamie graduated Boot Camp...that was a real big deal in our family and everyone we could manage to get there attended. Again...my dad and step-mom came. We took him out for a nice dinner. Had a big picnic on base too. Never have we held huge parties.

Now that isnt to say that maybe someday we wont. I kind of have an inkling that Keyana's mom is going to want to go all out for her 16th birthday. Just call it a hunch...lol. I hope I am around to be there.

If Cory ever gets his GED, goes to college and graduates...I will throw him the biggest party this side of texas! But I think I can safely say I dont need to go to Party City any time soon...lol.
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
Glad you're comfortable with your choice. Sometimes it does help to get feedback but we all have to go with our own gut and keep our fingers crossed, lol. DDD
 

klmno

Active Member
Jen, if she doesn't have a mood disorder of any type, why is she on a ssri to begin with? It would scare me to be giving a ssri to someone- especially a young person- who is drinking and possibly doing drugs. What kind of sssri is she on- anything other kids would want to trade for?
 

Jena

New Member
hi

she takes it at home infront of me, or did. it's zoloft. she was depressed, met with a pysch doctor who dxd her and gave them. she doesnt' have a mood disorder that we know.

yet now the drinking seems to have increased or rather since the realization that she can't drink with-the ssri in place it's increased or maybe was always alot.

her first question to me when i gave her medication was can i drink on these? my answer was NO you can't. she said well i'm not staying on them than. i said you have no choice at this point.

school yup just found out that she's using the money we gave her and "billing" lunch at school all last week and pocketing the money. i'm at a loss right now. i just posted a new thread. sh'es gone yet again have no clue where tothis time.
 

Jena

New Member
not everyone that is depressed has a "mood" disorder. trust me her biochemical make up is not that of my difficult child. like black and white. trust me on that. no bipolar in her. just a whole lotta pain defiance and now looks like drinking
 

rlsnights

New Member
Well, I think I know what you mean about her not having a "mood" disorder. You mean you see her depression as situational or a temporary reaction to something - not an ongoing state. And I respect your sense about that. But I feel like I really need to share some of the things I've learned about BiPolar (BP) after having been mis-diagnosed for something like 30 years. Hope you understand.

The problem with bipolar (speaking from personal experience) is that it can look a lot like what you are describing. And the way it looks from the outside varies a lot - one of the reasons it can be really hard to diagnose, especially in adolescents.

Defiance in people with bipolar is often grandiosity. In BiPolar (BP) kids rebellion against parents/authority is grandiose thinking. They are better than or know more than adults - to the point of almost delusional thinking. A "normal" teen may have times when they think like this but you can reason with them to some extent. They are still in touch with the reality that there are some adults in some situations where the adults must be respected and really do know what they are talking about.

A BiPolar (BP) teen is likely to be unable to recognize that. Their distorted thinking is on a train track heading for disaster and they cannot be de-railed because their brain is telling them that what they think/feel is true/correct/real.

Depression is also the typical first presentation with adolescent bipolar kids. She sure sounds like a difficult child to me and I would want to try to rule out bipolar before I gave her any more SSRI = not that that's an issue at the moment.

Regardless of that, the behavior is over the line and needs to be confronted.

Why are you not reporting her as a runaway/missing when she's gone overnight? Cause the police won't take the report? If it were me I would make a report. Here we can make a report ourselves online at the police department website if it's a property crime or certain other crimes. If the officers won't take a report, I'd check into making one some other way. I would want someone to know that I had been trying to be a good parent so there was no question about my willingness to take care of her and my commitment to providing appropriate supervision.

I pay the school directly for school lunches and the kids have nothing to do with handling the money. Ever. And they can't get any money from the school lunch ladies.

I would not pay for anything for her. She is stealing from you when she uses her lunch money this way.

Is rehab an option or has she already been there done that and is still doing this stuff? If you think this is a "fling" well it sure sounds like a GFGish fling. And I would not be pulling my punches with her. No anything as long as she's drinking and staying away from home and by the way I'd tell her I am reporting you as violating curfew and running away.

Tough love time in my book.

Hugs,

Patricia
 
H

HaoZi

Guest
Clinical depression is a type of mood disorder. It can be lifelong or it can be acute episodes.
 

Jena

New Member
she doesnt' have bipolar again lol. her and difficult child are not from the same dad. so no bipolar on my side and def. not what she has. depression in itself isn't a mood disorder. i just looked it up.

anyway cops wouldnt take report because she had texted so she wasnt' technically missing at the time. right now she refuses to come home again have no clue where she is.

just called her therapist and left message and asked ok what do we do now?? call cops again. no point. they do nothing.
 

Jena

New Member
spoke to easy child's therapist. she said i'm going to try to reach out to her and text her. i'll get in touch with-you in a.m. and let you know what happens. she said right now if she is texting do not call the cops. she said if it goes all night and she doesnt' go to school in the a.m. than call the cops.

she said right now we gotta back off, stay neutrel and wait for her to come to you or us. she said she's in self destruct mode right now and yes she down played hte drinking bigtime with me. so she said yes the alcohol is a problem, how much we dont' know yet. she's going to try to get her into see her on wednesday and switch her other appts around.
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
Jen, honey? Report it to the cops. Just because she is texting you does NOT mean she's not a runaway. And they HAVE to fill out something to show what they spent their time on, so it will be there.

Seriously. This is DANGEROUS behavior.

HUGS. And by the way? There's all kinds of possibilities. Not just bipolar, though that sounds eerily like Onyxx. Zoloft made things worse, not better.
 

Jena

New Member
it's the zoloft with the alcohol she's consuming that's the problem. no i'm following therapist on this one this time. what i've done in past hasnt' worked so i'm goign to take her lead.

i dont' mean to be difficult lol, i just have called cops so many times and zero happens. they dont' even look for her. it's a waste of time and apaperwork.

also she had the chance to talk to her and she gets her a bit more than i do right now.
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
i dont' mean to be difficult lol, i just have called cops so many times and zero happens. they dont' even look for her. it's a waste of time and apaperwork.

No, actually it's not... because when it comes back on you, another visit from CPS? They'll look at this and go... This woman has done everything she can... She needs help.

And favorites doesn't mean enabling, sweetie.
 

pepperidge

New Member
Jena are you saying that zoloft plus drinking is having some kind of bad reaction? I mean, many people drink on zoloft without a negative interaction I think. Clearly drinking in and of itself is bad. But the zoloft is not making the effects of drinking worse I would think.


You don't have to be bipolar for SSRIs to have some negative side effects in and of themsevles. I wouldn't totally rule that out, but it sounds like many other things are driving this train.

Sorry--you really don't need this.
 

Jena

New Member
i have no clue what's driving the train, that's what therapy is about. i have no clue how much she's drinking id' bet it isn't moderate. as far as cps goes i dont' care. i'm doing what her therapist suggested i do right now. that's how i'm giong to play it whether it's right or wrong.

as far as enabling goes i'm def not doing that. just meant it hurt because shes' a great person and i love her. it's sad to see her so messed up the way she is.

she responds very well to ssri's yet right now she isnt' takign it. she took herself off with no weening down process at all. went from 50mg to nothing which is why it isn't working right now.

tonight not contacting her and not calling anyone to go find her will be hard. if cps did ever get invovled i'd simply say talk to her therapist here's the number, its what a professional advised.
 

Jena

New Member
so the plot thickens...... oh my god my head's killing me. she called cursing, raging screaming at me insulting me for telling teachers shes on an ssri. attacking me verbally, belittling me you get the idea.

left me 2 voicemail messages, i hung up after she went for me on phone at top of her lungs. stating with all her friends in the background that she's coming with-friends to our home to get her clothes and cell phone charger and will not be living here anymore.

so i had to call the precint gave them the situation and they said there's not much you can do at this age on the brink of 18. keep her outside lock door call us when she shows up she'll legally have to give the address of where she'll be staying to us. at least you'll know where she is.

so trying to handle little ones incase she's really coming. they do not need the scene tonight. husband has to leave in ten to get stepson from rehearsal. so we'll see what happens.

i cried i'm ok now. ready for the next step. huge mistake for her if she goes thru with it. no college money, no job, no money in her pocket, no nothing. i guess if she does it this is what it'll be and she'll have to hit rock bottom before she can come back up.

taking her to cpap its'called here for a medication thing and state she is in crisis they cannot even do due to age. that 18 thing is rough. i moved out same age, same mos. actually. yet i had a full time job, a bank account and was going to college at night and had my own apt. before i moved out. she has none of that.

maybe on her way here to clear her stuff out she'll wake up, maybe she wont. we'll c. either way the kids' going to give me an ulcer so i'm working on detatchment rightnow bigtime!
 
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