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Couldn't stay detached, messed up; now I'll pay for it in more ways than one
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 701394" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It is okay to slip, to give in once in a while (a great while hopefully), and if it makes you feel better then it is a good thing because it gave you some comfort. She is an adult, and she is threatening you. Her 'tread carefully" and "last warning" was bovine excrement. It is a way to bully and manipulate you. It might be best to unfriend her on social media, send only the briefest emails, and if she calls you at work then pick up the phone, be professional, and at the first sign of abuse or inappropriate conversation, just hang up on her. Maybe tell her one time that this is a business phone and is for business conversation only, and if she persists in calling then you will hang up on her every time, without conversation.</p><p></p><p>Let her post her lies on social media. She wants to bleed you dry, and to still manipulate you into giving her money. She is on an adventure - let it be her sole adventure. Let her fund it. She has sugar daddies giving her cash and gifts, she can live on that. I highly doubt that she is biking anywhere for awareness of anything except her personal cause. That is just a way to try to milk you for more money, while she threatens you.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry but you have lost this child. At least for a while. You need to let her go and let her be on her own without you as her fallback strategy. I know that is hard, but it is the ONLY way to show her that you won't be manipulated. It may take time to get to that point for you, but eventually it needs to happen. Her lies shouldn't be rewarded. At some point she may work hard to earn your trust back, but that will be after her 'adventure', if indeed the trip to foreign countries on someone else's dime ever ends. It is likely that she will find more suckers, sorry sugar daddies, to fund her way. She will tell all of them lies about herself, you, and what she is doing, until finally she realizes that her lies won't get her anywhere she really wants to be. I am so sorry for this, but some people just can't be helped. When her brain finally finishes growing it may be a different story but until then, I would NOT reward her lies about needing tickets or starving or whatever.</p><p></p><p>I know when my idiot difficult bro went to India will very little plans other than to visit the families of some people he knew from the college here, he roughed it quite a bit, taking cheap trains, etc... He even spent a few days on a bench outside a train station because he mixed medications for an ulcer with alcohol. It made him very ill and he couldn't get on a train because he could barely leave the restroom. Antibiotics and alcohol do NOT mix well, and he didn't believe anyone who warned him. He learned a LOT on that trip, esp as he was warned ahead of time that if he got into trouble he was NOT to call my parents. He wanted to sneak into Nepal (at that time few tourists were being allowed in, and he could not get a visa for Nepal) and also wanted to go into some areas where there was heavy fighting. My parents were appalled but knew nothing would stop him but trying and having very real consequences. I think your daughter also needs very real consequences WITHOUT Mom or Dad bailing her out in order to learn a few life lessons. </p><p></p><p>I really am sorry if this is harsh. It is a really hard situation. I think you should do things that make YOU feel good, and stop worrying about her. She has great skills at manipulating people, not just you, and she will likely always land on her feet. Stop looking at her social media because it is only going to get worse as far as you are concerned, regardless of what you do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 701394, member: 1233"] It is okay to slip, to give in once in a while (a great while hopefully), and if it makes you feel better then it is a good thing because it gave you some comfort. She is an adult, and she is threatening you. Her 'tread carefully" and "last warning" was bovine excrement. It is a way to bully and manipulate you. It might be best to unfriend her on social media, send only the briefest emails, and if she calls you at work then pick up the phone, be professional, and at the first sign of abuse or inappropriate conversation, just hang up on her. Maybe tell her one time that this is a business phone and is for business conversation only, and if she persists in calling then you will hang up on her every time, without conversation. Let her post her lies on social media. She wants to bleed you dry, and to still manipulate you into giving her money. She is on an adventure - let it be her sole adventure. Let her fund it. She has sugar daddies giving her cash and gifts, she can live on that. I highly doubt that she is biking anywhere for awareness of anything except her personal cause. That is just a way to try to milk you for more money, while she threatens you. I am sorry but you have lost this child. At least for a while. You need to let her go and let her be on her own without you as her fallback strategy. I know that is hard, but it is the ONLY way to show her that you won't be manipulated. It may take time to get to that point for you, but eventually it needs to happen. Her lies shouldn't be rewarded. At some point she may work hard to earn your trust back, but that will be after her 'adventure', if indeed the trip to foreign countries on someone else's dime ever ends. It is likely that she will find more suckers, sorry sugar daddies, to fund her way. She will tell all of them lies about herself, you, and what she is doing, until finally she realizes that her lies won't get her anywhere she really wants to be. I am so sorry for this, but some people just can't be helped. When her brain finally finishes growing it may be a different story but until then, I would NOT reward her lies about needing tickets or starving or whatever. I know when my idiot difficult bro went to India will very little plans other than to visit the families of some people he knew from the college here, he roughed it quite a bit, taking cheap trains, etc... He even spent a few days on a bench outside a train station because he mixed medications for an ulcer with alcohol. It made him very ill and he couldn't get on a train because he could barely leave the restroom. Antibiotics and alcohol do NOT mix well, and he didn't believe anyone who warned him. He learned a LOT on that trip, esp as he was warned ahead of time that if he got into trouble he was NOT to call my parents. He wanted to sneak into Nepal (at that time few tourists were being allowed in, and he could not get a visa for Nepal) and also wanted to go into some areas where there was heavy fighting. My parents were appalled but knew nothing would stop him but trying and having very real consequences. I think your daughter also needs very real consequences WITHOUT Mom or Dad bailing her out in order to learn a few life lessons. I really am sorry if this is harsh. It is a really hard situation. I think you should do things that make YOU feel good, and stop worrying about her. She has great skills at manipulating people, not just you, and she will likely always land on her feet. Stop looking at her social media because it is only going to get worse as far as you are concerned, regardless of what you do. [/QUOTE]
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Couldn't stay detached, messed up; now I'll pay for it in more ways than one
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