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Couldn't stay detached, messed up; now I'll pay for it in more ways than one
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<blockquote data-quote="Snow White" data-source="post: 701408" data-attributes="member: 355"><p>Thank you all so much! You have this all down pat. I'm trying to get there.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I loved both of the suggested email responses from KSM and Albatross! I decided to start with Albatross' first. I'm tired of 'downplaying' the things hubby and I are doing; partly from guilt that we might actually enjoy an evening out together. I'm going to save KSM's response for the next time!</p><p></p><p>After sending her the reply, I got this one from her first thing this morning: <span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0)"><em>Date night?? ❤ That's awesome!! Hope you two had a great time. </em></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0)"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0)">That was it. Nothing else about her "not doing well", asking for money, etc. I think it really took her by surprise!</span></span></span></span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, those threats make me really angry. Recoveringenabler, I loved the comment that she should be treading carefully!! She believes that she should get constant "do overs" and that we need to forget the past. But then she constantly brings up perceived past transgressions by everyone else. If I continue to 'offend' her, she will stop speaking to me (which is often a nice respite) but then offer to give me "one more chance" when she needs something. I'm really good at the detachment when it comes to rude phone calls. I stop that right at the start and she is pretty good about keeping phone conversations civil. She knows I will hang up instantly. And at work, I will just forward calls to voice-mail if she gets really rude (caller ID is wonderful). She doesn't have our cell numbers any more because she abused that privilege. And I won't instant message with her, either. Her email are bad enough. She can rant for hours via email and pull out all sorts of history, misery, etc. I used to think that by following her on social media, I could keep one step ahead of her and predict when stuff would happen but she is like a chameleon - always changing her colours, so nothing was predictable. I need to work on the civil phone calls begging for help - that's when she gets me at a weak moment. When she calls screaming/yelling for something, I don't respond.</p><p></p><p>Hubby and I had a wonderful evening last night (sadly, our team did not win the hockey game) and it was nice to get out of the house - even though we love our son & his girlfriend and our dogs, the few hours away was bliss!</p><p></p><p>I think we've continued to give her too much power in this twisted, toxic relationship. Especially when I think of the previous times I have helped her and then get those comments back a couple of weeks later. My goal in detaching will be to take back my power. I know I have a great group here to help me!</p><p></p><p>Thanks again for all of your input.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Snow White, post: 701408, member: 355"] Thank you all so much! You have this all down pat. I'm trying to get there. I loved both of the suggested email responses from KSM and Albatross! I decided to start with Albatross' first. I'm tired of 'downplaying' the things hubby and I are doing; partly from guilt that we might actually enjoy an evening out together. I'm going to save KSM's response for the next time! After sending her the reply, I got this one from her first thing this morning: [SIZE=3][COLOR=rgb(255, 0, 0)][I]Date night?? ❤ That's awesome!! Hope you two had a great time. [/I] [SIZE=4][COLOR=rgb(0, 0, 0)]That was it. Nothing else about her "not doing well", asking for money, etc. I think it really took her by surprise![/COLOR][/SIZE][/COLOR][/SIZE] Yes, those threats make me really angry. Recoveringenabler, I loved the comment that she should be treading carefully!! She believes that she should get constant "do overs" and that we need to forget the past. But then she constantly brings up perceived past transgressions by everyone else. If I continue to 'offend' her, she will stop speaking to me (which is often a nice respite) but then offer to give me "one more chance" when she needs something. I'm really good at the detachment when it comes to rude phone calls. I stop that right at the start and she is pretty good about keeping phone conversations civil. She knows I will hang up instantly. And at work, I will just forward calls to voice-mail if she gets really rude (caller ID is wonderful). She doesn't have our cell numbers any more because she abused that privilege. And I won't instant message with her, either. Her email are bad enough. She can rant for hours via email and pull out all sorts of history, misery, etc. I used to think that by following her on social media, I could keep one step ahead of her and predict when stuff would happen but she is like a chameleon - always changing her colours, so nothing was predictable. I need to work on the civil phone calls begging for help - that's when she gets me at a weak moment. When she calls screaming/yelling for something, I don't respond. Hubby and I had a wonderful evening last night (sadly, our team did not win the hockey game) and it was nice to get out of the house - even though we love our son & his girlfriend and our dogs, the few hours away was bliss! I think we've continued to give her too much power in this twisted, toxic relationship. Especially when I think of the previous times I have helped her and then get those comments back a couple of weeks later. My goal in detaching will be to take back my power. I know I have a great group here to help me! Thanks again for all of your input. [/QUOTE]
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Couldn't stay detached, messed up; now I'll pay for it in more ways than one
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