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<blockquote data-quote="oceans" data-source="post: 37715" data-attributes="member: 2687"><p>You could call the school anonymously and tell them what the other kids heard in the classroom. </p><p></p><p>I agree with the others that you need to be on the same page as far as discipline and consequences go. You need to have a meeting with husband to discuss how you will both handle things and that it is important that you back each other up. You might need a counselor of some sort to help set something up that is agreeable to both of you. Can you get husband to go to your counselor with you?</p><p></p><p>difficult child probably realizes that you are not being backed up, and that makes it easy for any kid to purposely go to one parent over another and cause havoc between you, while difficult child gets what he wants.</p><p></p><p>I don't think anything is going to change unless you and husband agree on the rules and back each other up.</p><p></p><p>I struggled for years to get my difficult child to do his homework, and it never worked. I found out missing assignments from teachers and brought everything home. I got him an extra set of books from the school. I put rewards and consequences into place surrounding school and homework, and none of it worked. He still failed 7th and 8th grade. Your difficult child needs to be stable enough so that he can do the work. He needs to participate in the work. I am afraid that you can not force him no matter how you try. I get the sense that there is something missing for him, and you can make yourself sick over it, but I don't think you can change it in the way you are trying to. It needs to be approached differently, and a good place to start is in how you and husband make rules, and how you agree on the rules. A different place to start is to look into what issues might not be getting addressed by difficult child's medication. Is there something in the combination missing or is there something actually causing things to be worse. Does he have all the supports he needs in place both at home and school. Does he need a different school setting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="oceans, post: 37715, member: 2687"] You could call the school anonymously and tell them what the other kids heard in the classroom. I agree with the others that you need to be on the same page as far as discipline and consequences go. You need to have a meeting with husband to discuss how you will both handle things and that it is important that you back each other up. You might need a counselor of some sort to help set something up that is agreeable to both of you. Can you get husband to go to your counselor with you? difficult child probably realizes that you are not being backed up, and that makes it easy for any kid to purposely go to one parent over another and cause havoc between you, while difficult child gets what he wants. I don't think anything is going to change unless you and husband agree on the rules and back each other up. I struggled for years to get my difficult child to do his homework, and it never worked. I found out missing assignments from teachers and brought everything home. I got him an extra set of books from the school. I put rewards and consequences into place surrounding school and homework, and none of it worked. He still failed 7th and 8th grade. Your difficult child needs to be stable enough so that he can do the work. He needs to participate in the work. I am afraid that you can not force him no matter how you try. I get the sense that there is something missing for him, and you can make yourself sick over it, but I don't think you can change it in the way you are trying to. It needs to be approached differently, and a good place to start is in how you and husband make rules, and how you agree on the rules. A different place to start is to look into what issues might not be getting addressed by difficult child's medication. Is there something in the combination missing or is there something actually causing things to be worse. Does he have all the supports he needs in place both at home and school. Does he need a different school setting. [/QUOTE]
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