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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 374661" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I know this is not what you hoped for, 12-24 months seems so long in moments like this. Yet, I see some good here. Even if he gets away with things he shouldn't while incarcerated, it is nothing compared to the damage he could do to his life and himself on the streets for the next year or two. He is being given an opportunity to use this time to consider why he's locked up, what he wants when he eventually is released. He will be forced to realize the odds are his days of living with a parent are over, and earlier than most but due to his own issues and choices. He can choose to ignore the opportunities, or he can choose to use them> He can focus on school and figuring out what makes him do things he shouldn't. He can focus on goals and how to reach them etc. The high point in this at this time is probably that he won't be able to control your life and schedule and own goals. And right now you've got a ton to focus on as mentioned. You really don't need the barriers that having him living outside of a facility would bring. No more calling in to work due to difficult child emergency. No more unexpected money loss when it is desperately needed. Not to sound mercenary but since finances are such a struggle, even finding an affordable rental is going to be more within reach by yourself. I'm certain all of us would live in a box to keep our kids with us, and you are surely no different. However difficult child is part of the reason why you're a step away from that. So he is safe and he can't get into the kind of trouble where he is now that he could find on his own by living in the community. So in light of that, the finances will be much eased on you for the next while, at a time you need them to be. </p><p></p><p>You are facing all kinds of changes right now and obstacles in your path. I really urge you as someone who truly cares to just put difficult child on the backburner for a little bit. Not ignore him etc. But let him adjust to what will be his "home" for the foreseeable future. And instead, just get yourself through this process of finding housing and a job etc. Give yourself permission to focus on YOU now. Nobody is taking your difficult child away, taking custody, suing you. He isn't going to get in the trouble he would have living with you, not where he is. He knows the clear consequences of breaching rules where he is, and he has no excuses if he breaks them and should face those consequences if it comes to that, without blaming anyone but him. He's got to figure out his own path. I'm glad he expressed concern for what this is doing to you. He darn well should! You may be a true warrior mom with a moms heart, but that doesnt mean for a second you should have had to deal with all this broohaha from him. And he has some lessons to learn and honestly? I was a wayyyy out of control teen and it was a brutal stint a place I didn't want to be (although like your difficult child, I expressed stuff that made it seem otherwise), that made me evaluate myself and what the heck was I doing to my life?!?! Sometimes being locked up like this is the wake up call someone needs. And if it isn't, nothing was going to change him and his choices anyhow.</p><p></p><p>Be good to yourself. He is safe, you're a loving mom and you've done your best and he is laying in the bed he made. Now is a time where YOU have to be your number one priority. YOU. Then housing. Then a job. Then finding a peace at the big picture. Love him. But love yourself. You really need to take care of you with all you're dealing with. I wish you lived in Canada so I could invite you to spend some time staying here and maybe look for a job in this area. If life could be like that huh? Stay strong and take that warrior mom spirit and focus it on yourself for a bit. In the meantime, we are all thinking of you and are solidly in your corner (and I'm sending all kinds of positive energy to your difficult child and truly rooting for him that this is the end of this nonsense and he steps up and takes control of his own destiny). </p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 374661, member: 4264"] I know this is not what you hoped for, 12-24 months seems so long in moments like this. Yet, I see some good here. Even if he gets away with things he shouldn't while incarcerated, it is nothing compared to the damage he could do to his life and himself on the streets for the next year or two. He is being given an opportunity to use this time to consider why he's locked up, what he wants when he eventually is released. He will be forced to realize the odds are his days of living with a parent are over, and earlier than most but due to his own issues and choices. He can choose to ignore the opportunities, or he can choose to use them> He can focus on school and figuring out what makes him do things he shouldn't. He can focus on goals and how to reach them etc. The high point in this at this time is probably that he won't be able to control your life and schedule and own goals. And right now you've got a ton to focus on as mentioned. You really don't need the barriers that having him living outside of a facility would bring. No more calling in to work due to difficult child emergency. No more unexpected money loss when it is desperately needed. Not to sound mercenary but since finances are such a struggle, even finding an affordable rental is going to be more within reach by yourself. I'm certain all of us would live in a box to keep our kids with us, and you are surely no different. However difficult child is part of the reason why you're a step away from that. So he is safe and he can't get into the kind of trouble where he is now that he could find on his own by living in the community. So in light of that, the finances will be much eased on you for the next while, at a time you need them to be. You are facing all kinds of changes right now and obstacles in your path. I really urge you as someone who truly cares to just put difficult child on the backburner for a little bit. Not ignore him etc. But let him adjust to what will be his "home" for the foreseeable future. And instead, just get yourself through this process of finding housing and a job etc. Give yourself permission to focus on YOU now. Nobody is taking your difficult child away, taking custody, suing you. He isn't going to get in the trouble he would have living with you, not where he is. He knows the clear consequences of breaching rules where he is, and he has no excuses if he breaks them and should face those consequences if it comes to that, without blaming anyone but him. He's got to figure out his own path. I'm glad he expressed concern for what this is doing to you. He darn well should! You may be a true warrior mom with a moms heart, but that doesnt mean for a second you should have had to deal with all this broohaha from him. And he has some lessons to learn and honestly? I was a wayyyy out of control teen and it was a brutal stint a place I didn't want to be (although like your difficult child, I expressed stuff that made it seem otherwise), that made me evaluate myself and what the heck was I doing to my life?!?! Sometimes being locked up like this is the wake up call someone needs. And if it isn't, nothing was going to change him and his choices anyhow. Be good to yourself. He is safe, you're a loving mom and you've done your best and he is laying in the bed he made. Now is a time where YOU have to be your number one priority. YOU. Then housing. Then a job. Then finding a peace at the big picture. Love him. But love yourself. You really need to take care of you with all you're dealing with. I wish you lived in Canada so I could invite you to spend some time staying here and maybe look for a job in this area. If life could be like that huh? Stay strong and take that warrior mom spirit and focus it on yourself for a bit. In the meantime, we are all thinking of you and are solidly in your corner (and I'm sending all kinds of positive energy to your difficult child and truly rooting for him that this is the end of this nonsense and he steps up and takes control of his own destiny). (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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