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Substance Abuse
Court Referee Is Acting Like A difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Goldy" data-source="post: 6552" data-attributes="member: 184"><p>Hi Melissa,</p><p></p><p>It's been a very long time since I've posted so you're not familiar with my story. I'm a regular viewer and have followed your posts. So when I read this post I knew I had to respond. In my situation, my sister passed away and I sued my former brother-in-law and the State of NY for custody of their 3y.o. little boy. My brother in law had a 15 year criminal record for felonies, drugs, fraud and much more. Yet, CPS represented my brother in law and the State of NY in Family Court. Ultimately I won!</p><p></p><p>I understand what you're going through.The day I terminated parental rights (TRP) my lawyer also handed the judge adoption papers to sign. It was a sweet victory. I hope what I'm about to share with you will help you understand how this process works. Some things may be different but the process doesnt change much. It was the most horrible experience of my life. </p><p></p><p>To begin, the referee is there to mediate between family members, to manage the case because theres a great deal of violence in custody cases. They may work for Family Court or CPS. You should be able to find out who she works for by searching online.</p><p></p><p>The average custody case to TPR takes 7 years. I won my case in 2 years. In almost all cases, CPS will intervene on behalf of the child and parent. This is very normal and part of the system. </p><p></p><p>There are several types of custody cases. (1) Permanent temporary guardianship is when you become the guardian until the child is 18. Even though its permanent until age 18, its still considered temporary because if the parent straightens out then the case can be reopened years later. (2) Temporary guardianship is short term, typically 2 years. This is usually granted because the courts want to first try for family reunification. The parent is given 18-24 months to straighten out. During this time the parent must go through required State rehabilitation programs (this is free to the parent) and supervised visits. (3) Terminating parental rights (TPR) is full custody rights taken away from the parents. You can adopt the child if tpr is granted. </p><p></p><p>Going to court is not a trial because there are no jurors. The case is presented to the judge. If youre granted any type of guardianship, be prepared. In almost all cases, the child is technically a ward of the State. It sounds terrible but its ok because the child is then given full health benefits paid by the State. This will continue until age 18 or adoption is granted. Each month you will receive an unannounced visit from CPS or the referee. In some cases, (such as mine), I had to get the courts permission every time I took my son on a vacation. I had to provide telephone numbers and my whereabouts at all times because my brother in law convinced CPS that I wanted to kidnap my son and run. Great system, especially when this was coming from a known criminal. </p><p></p><p>Lastly, document, document, document!! This means write down everything that takes place on a daily basis, every call you make, logs of your daughters activities, drug use, phone calls, visits, doctors visits, pre-school, etc. Even takes pictures of the happy baby growing. Keep a running log. This may be the most important thing you do. </p><p></p><p>One other point, please dont take offense, but be prepared if your daughter and her attorney get ugly and accuses you of being unstable because you take medication. This can happen if things get nasty. Keep yourself healthy. A judge is allowed to ask about your health. </p><p></p><p>Try and get yourself a good attorney who specializes in custody cases. Go online to the grandparent organizations. They represent Grandparents Rights. Its very important to have an attorney. Good preparation is important. </p><p></p><p>I hope this information helps you. It was the most depressing and emotional time of my life, but I would do it all over again. My sons diagnosis is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and ODD. Things at home are manageable. Today, hes 13.5 and in 8th grade and very much a typical teen. He has reached many milestones. Several months ago, with a packed congregation he was called to the Torah as a Bar Mitvah and recently earned honor roll. There is hope. </p><p></p><p>If you want more info, feel free to ask away. Of course Im not a lawyer, just a parent who understands what youre going through. I'm here for support. </p><p></p><p>Regards,</p><p>Goldy</p><p></p><p>Me: - still going strong at 50.</p><p>husband: mid 50s. </p><p>difficult child: 13.5yo. We're very proud of him. His behavior is manageable. Typical teen stuff. diagnosis: Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), ODD. Recently made honor roll.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Goldy, post: 6552, member: 184"] Hi Melissa, It's been a very long time since I've posted so you're not familiar with my story. I'm a regular viewer and have followed your posts. So when I read this post I knew I had to respond. In my situation, my sister passed away and I sued my former brother-in-law and the State of NY for custody of their 3y.o. little boy. My brother in law had a 15 year criminal record for felonies, drugs, fraud and much more. Yet, CPS represented my brother in law and the State of NY in Family Court. Ultimately I won! I understand what you're going through.The day I terminated parental rights (TRP) my lawyer also handed the judge adoption papers to sign. It was a sweet victory. I hope what I'm about to share with you will help you understand how this process works. Some things may be different but the process doesnt change much. It was the most horrible experience of my life. To begin, the referee is there to mediate between family members, to manage the case because theres a great deal of violence in custody cases. They may work for Family Court or CPS. You should be able to find out who she works for by searching online. The average custody case to TPR takes 7 years. I won my case in 2 years. In almost all cases, CPS will intervene on behalf of the child and parent. This is very normal and part of the system. There are several types of custody cases. (1) Permanent temporary guardianship is when you become the guardian until the child is 18. Even though its permanent until age 18, its still considered temporary because if the parent straightens out then the case can be reopened years later. (2) Temporary guardianship is short term, typically 2 years. This is usually granted because the courts want to first try for family reunification. The parent is given 18-24 months to straighten out. During this time the parent must go through required State rehabilitation programs (this is free to the parent) and supervised visits. (3) Terminating parental rights (TPR) is full custody rights taken away from the parents. You can adopt the child if tpr is granted. Going to court is not a trial because there are no jurors. The case is presented to the judge. If youre granted any type of guardianship, be prepared. In almost all cases, the child is technically a ward of the State. It sounds terrible but its ok because the child is then given full health benefits paid by the State. This will continue until age 18 or adoption is granted. Each month you will receive an unannounced visit from CPS or the referee. In some cases, (such as mine), I had to get the courts permission every time I took my son on a vacation. I had to provide telephone numbers and my whereabouts at all times because my brother in law convinced CPS that I wanted to kidnap my son and run. Great system, especially when this was coming from a known criminal. Lastly, document, document, document!! This means write down everything that takes place on a daily basis, every call you make, logs of your daughters activities, drug use, phone calls, visits, doctors visits, pre-school, etc. Even takes pictures of the happy baby growing. Keep a running log. This may be the most important thing you do. One other point, please dont take offense, but be prepared if your daughter and her attorney get ugly and accuses you of being unstable because you take medication. This can happen if things get nasty. Keep yourself healthy. A judge is allowed to ask about your health. Try and get yourself a good attorney who specializes in custody cases. Go online to the grandparent organizations. They represent Grandparents Rights. Its very important to have an attorney. Good preparation is important. I hope this information helps you. It was the most depressing and emotional time of my life, but I would do it all over again. My sons diagnosis is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and ODD. Things at home are manageable. Today, hes 13.5 and in 8th grade and very much a typical teen. He has reached many milestones. Several months ago, with a packed congregation he was called to the Torah as a Bar Mitvah and recently earned honor roll. There is hope. If you want more info, feel free to ask away. Of course Im not a lawyer, just a parent who understands what youre going through. I'm here for support. Regards, Goldy Me: - still going strong at 50. husband: mid 50s. difficult child: 13.5yo. We're very proud of him. His behavior is manageable. Typical teen stuff. diagnosis: Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), ODD. Recently made honor roll. [/QUOTE]
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