Court this week

[wantpeace]

difficult child has court this week for possession of THC (under half a gram) and bail jumping (due to para a "friend" left in his vehicle). It's his second court appearance. Because he's being tried as an adult, I haven't gotten any information form the court-appointed attorney. I have no idea what to expect as I've never been to court except for my divorce and difficult child's initial appearance.

I don't think the lawyer is even planning to bring up the fact that difficult child completed inpatient treatment. I would love to talk to the judge, but I don't know if it will be possible. I had two long talks with the DA, but the lawyer scolded me for that. I just want difficult child to get the help he needs, but the lawyer wants to get him off the hook - his job I know.

I also have a question that may sound stupid. What should difficult child wear to court? Boy, this is just not the stuff I thought I would ever be worried about.

 

[InsaneCdn]

What to wear to court? Better show up dressed "respectful". That doesn't mean a suit... but for a minimum, a semi-dress shirt and dress slacks, and something better than sneakers. It also means... shaven, decent hair cut, etc. Present the image of a responsibile citizen.

 

[toughlovin]

I go to court a lot for my job and it amazes me the things people wear to court. My advice is he should look as nice and as clean cut as possible. You can't dress up too much for court. If he has a decent suit that would be good. If not then a nice shirt with nice pants and hair combed etc is good.

TL

 

[DDD]

Clean, hair cut, pants at waistline, shirt in pants, belt on pants, no words on shirt....like boys had to dress for school years ago. Not like a wedding, lol, but showing respect.

I, sadly, have been in the postion of having to use a PD instead of a personal defense attorney. My story was a bit unique (Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) injury etc. and a Prosecuting Attorney determined to get maximum sentence beyond the State guidelines). I was able to request an opportunity to speak to the Judge which was granted. It was very stressful and traumatic even though I had served as a GAL and was comfortable in the Courtroom setting. The "system" is not based on common sense so I won't give advice to try or not to try...sometimes it backfires. I hope your son gets the correct sentencing. Hugs DDD

 

[wantpeace]

I just volunteered to go and buy difficult child some new clothes and shoes for court. He doesn't feel like going along and claims he's not dressing up anyway because "everyone wears jeans". Wow! My time, my money, and he refuses? I guess it's time to step away and let the cards fall where they may.

 

[Nancy]

His lawyer is not going to be too happy with him wearing jeans but like you say it's time you step away and let him deal with it. His lawyer should be telling him what to wear, and it should be a dress shirt, tie, nice pants and dress shoes.

Nancy

 

[pinevalley]

Wantpeace: I have been to court numerous times in the last few months because of my difficult child and his arrests. He was willing to wear khaki pants and a polo shirt tucked in, with a belt when he was going before the judge. My difficult child has a beard, and he never really looks like a clean cut teenager. He looks much older than 18 years old because of his beard. I really hope that you can convince your son to wear something other than jeans to court. Can you buy him the new clothes and shoes and bring them back to your difficult child so that he can try them on at home? It might be easier for you to just buy the clothes without him, than the hassle of going shopping with your difficult child. I know that this is a lot of work for you, but it will really be much better for your difficult child if he is dressed well when he goes in front of the judge.
Is there any way that you can call the court appointed attorney and ask him questions about what will happen in court? We have hired a defense lawyer for our difficult child, and it is still confusing for me to understand exactly what happens in the courtroom. Sometimes you can call defense attorneys for a free consultation, and you can ask these attorneys questions about the charges against your son and what kind of penalties are common for these crimes. I wish both you and your difficult child good luck in court this week. Please keep us posted on the results.

 

[InsaneCdn]

If it's "gotta be jeans" - then new black ones are better than any other jeans option...

 

[DammitJanet]

Cory has been a ton of times to court and he doesnt have lots of clothes. He wears his nicest pants and those are normally either black pants made out of the same material as khaki's or black jeans. He wears a button down shirt tucked in. No tie. And a belt. He is so thin that his jeans are not at his waist. They sit right above his hips.

 

[rejectedmom]

Wondering what happened in court. Were you able to speak to the judge? Please update. -RM

 

[pinevalley]

I have also been wondering what happened in court this week with your difficult child. I hope you can give us an update. Hugs...

 

[buddy]

Also wondering, hoping you are ok....

 

[wantpeace]

Well, we went to court and I must say he was the best-dressed person there (cannot believe what people wear!), but we didn't even see the judge! The lawyer met us in the hall and said he's requesting a 2nd preliminary hearing. He had difficult child sign a paper and said he doesn't have to be there for the next hearing in June. The plea hearing won't be for six to eight weeks after that!! He said he can get a better deal if difficult child continues to do well following treatment and the longer the judge sees that he's staying out of trouble, the better. BUT if he messes up, it'll be much worse. Meanwhile, I still have my bond money out there and difficult child is pretty much on house arrest. It looks like he'll just get probation either way, so I'm not sure what this waiting game is all about. Do public defenders get more money when they drag these cases out?

If nothing else, it was a great opportunity for difficult child to see all the people waiting to go into the courtroom. I kept whispering things like, "Is this where you want to be in 10 - 20 years?" I must admit that difficult child is doing well - knock on wood. He even went back to school still dressed in his nice clothes without the stupid flat-brimmed hat that he likes to wear.

Something strange happened when I got home too. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and I've even had the energy to start running again. I think I'm accepting that I can't control the outcome of difficult child's mistakes and his recovery. I am going to enjoy every minute of this feeling while it lasts.

Thanks for your support!

wantpeace

 

[Kathy813]

I have no idea how the court system works but it makes sense that the longer he stays out of trouble the better the court outcome will be. I am also glad that you are feeling a sense of peace about all of this. It's a great feeling when you can get there.

~Kathy

 

[Signorina]

That is good news-especially about the peace you are feeling.

 

[buddy]

Kind of cool that you felt that, or it came over you.....that sense of peace. Sounds like overall he is doing well and there is some hope too. Thanks for letting us know.

 

[wantpeace]

I think a huge part of finding peace has come from reading posts on this forum. I kept beating myself up for failing as a parent, but now I know that so many of our difficult child's problems are out of our control.

difficult child just thanked me for supper, and has been so polite and good-natured. Of course that also helps! Tomorrow I'm taking him to an appointment with a psychologist to discuss the anxiety and depression that I feel triggered the substance abuse. He's been drug-free for a long time now, so it's a good time to see if counseling and medications might help.

Thanks so much for the concern and support!
wantpeace

 

[InsaneCdn]

Just a thought to maybe raise with the psychiatrist... if anxiety and depression were root causes of the substance aburoose... what are the root causes of the anxiety and depression?

The reason I ask is: Anxiety and depression can be stand-alone dxes. BUT... more often, they are secondary. Other problems often exist that have not been discovered or dealt with...

 

[wantpeace]

Oh yes, more root causes. My difficult child was his bio dad's scapegoat when his drinking problem got out of control. Some abuse issues were brought up during the inpatient psychiatric evaluation, and that information will be shared tomorrow. I know that's why it's been so tough not to enable my difficult child. He went through so much and it breaks my heart.

He's seeing a dual diagnosis psychologist who does a lot of work with teens. I know him because my other son sees him for his ADD.

 

[DDD]

So glad I tracked down your post to get updated. Glad he conformed and hoping he really does "get it" that the ball is in his court...before he appears in Court. VERY happy you feel well enough to run and think of yourself. Hugs DDD