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Court Tuesday - not good
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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 507248" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>AG, I am so sorry you are having to make this decision. In my experience consequences just don't register with difficult children. If they did then all of us would not have scrambled to find other ways to parent our kids. I am not saying he shouldn't have to suffer the consequences the world doles out-just that placing hope that a 2 week jail sentence will change his life is iffy. I do know people who have changed after a few months in jail, but these were not people with adictions and mental issues. </p><p></p><p>While my difficult child is too young to go to jail-she has had to sit in DT awaiting placements and she actually told me she liked it better than the placements?? Jail is a different situation but surviving 2 weeks there may not be that tough.</p><p></p><p>Questions:</p><p>1. Can he get treatments through the system?</p><p>2. If he stays in school and you pay the fine, do you think that he will be able to finish? Has his desire to be sober been more sincere as of late?</p><p>3. Do you know for a fact that his grades are good?</p><p>4. What does he want? Does he want to stay in school?</p><p>5. Will stabalizing him and getting his medications. on track help him so he can finish school?</p><p>6. Does he own his MH issues along with the substance abuse? Or is this still iffy? You cant get better if you don't own your issues.</p><p>7. Can he get a work study job at school? I always was able to find one of these. I usually did this and had a part time job outside the University. Jobs are hard for kids to get in college towns, but he could be riding public transit if he needed to go further away from school.</p><p>8. Has he gone to the student counseling center and asked them for advise. I know he is not the first kid in this situation. They might be able to help?? I think he needs to show some initiative. I know our immature difficult children, and esp. those with MH issues just lag in the initiative department, but maybe if pointed in a direction he can head that way.</p><p>9. Is school the most important thing for him? How does it help him?</p><p>10. If you pay the fine can you request some kind of probation or court orders for treatment? And will you let him know you will not do this again?</p><p></p><p>I agree that you should never pay the fines so he gets a driver's licence back. I would not encourage driving until he was sober for a long time. His life could be ruined if he hurt someone while driving intoxicated. You may not be able to stop this, but I wouldn't aide this at all.</p><p></p><p>These are tough decisions. And so tough because our kids might be 18-but we know how immature they are. Part of me wants to tell you to be tough and part of me says that you know him and you have to live with the decision. I have enabled before and I have been tough before and the trith is, either way, we seem to get a few weeks of good behavior and then a slip up or relapse. Is this part of the journey of recovery? Who knows? Hang in there, your a good mom! (((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 507248, member: 11001"] AG, I am so sorry you are having to make this decision. In my experience consequences just don't register with difficult children. If they did then all of us would not have scrambled to find other ways to parent our kids. I am not saying he shouldn't have to suffer the consequences the world doles out-just that placing hope that a 2 week jail sentence will change his life is iffy. I do know people who have changed after a few months in jail, but these were not people with adictions and mental issues. While my difficult child is too young to go to jail-she has had to sit in DT awaiting placements and she actually told me she liked it better than the placements?? Jail is a different situation but surviving 2 weeks there may not be that tough. Questions: 1. Can he get treatments through the system? 2. If he stays in school and you pay the fine, do you think that he will be able to finish? Has his desire to be sober been more sincere as of late? 3. Do you know for a fact that his grades are good? 4. What does he want? Does he want to stay in school? 5. Will stabalizing him and getting his medications. on track help him so he can finish school? 6. Does he own his MH issues along with the substance abuse? Or is this still iffy? You cant get better if you don't own your issues. 7. Can he get a work study job at school? I always was able to find one of these. I usually did this and had a part time job outside the University. Jobs are hard for kids to get in college towns, but he could be riding public transit if he needed to go further away from school. 8. Has he gone to the student counseling center and asked them for advise. I know he is not the first kid in this situation. They might be able to help?? I think he needs to show some initiative. I know our immature difficult children, and esp. those with MH issues just lag in the initiative department, but maybe if pointed in a direction he can head that way. 9. Is school the most important thing for him? How does it help him? 10. If you pay the fine can you request some kind of probation or court orders for treatment? And will you let him know you will not do this again? I agree that you should never pay the fines so he gets a driver's licence back. I would not encourage driving until he was sober for a long time. His life could be ruined if he hurt someone while driving intoxicated. You may not be able to stop this, but I wouldn't aide this at all. These are tough decisions. And so tough because our kids might be 18-but we know how immature they are. Part of me wants to tell you to be tough and part of me says that you know him and you have to live with the decision. I have enabled before and I have been tough before and the trith is, either way, we seem to get a few weeks of good behavior and then a slip up or relapse. Is this part of the journey of recovery? Who knows? Hang in there, your a good mom! (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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