Court Visit

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by NOLA, Apr 24, 2008.

  1. NOLA

    NOLA New Member

    I just had to vent…..I can’t believe it’s been over a month since I asked for advice & posted “I want to do something by this weekend” – Well, the weekend turned into a month….but today was finally our day in court.

    A day or so after I had posted really wanting to push his court date up difficult children cell phone calls home accidentally & I got to hear him and 2 or 3 of his friends driving around town getting loaded – even with their music blaring I could hear stuff like “let me see that gram” – it made me sick. :ill: I call the PO the next morning but he wanted to meet with difficult child in his office (since he is new & barely even knows our situation) before he requested the date be moved up & wasn’t comfortable with recommending an in-patient rehab, etc., without giving difficult child some face-to-face time. Well I brought him in and it was the SOS….then he tells me when difficult child is giving a sample that I should have an evaluation done to support the recommendation since the one done when difficult child first came home in Feb basically said “your son presents as a social user” and definitely doesn’t need in-patient, out-patient or even therapy! :confused:
    He pretty much told us to back off with the nagging, don’t expect him to live life on our timeframe (i.e., school isn’t for everyone at that age) set some rules we can live with and let him make the choices. Great – so if I drag him to another evaluation to get what I think he needs, even in difficult children stupor he will know what’s up. So, I call PO back, plead my case & he agrees. Calls back that afternoon & says show up in court tomorrow at 8:30!! Then it’s time for me to deal with my husband (who by the way must be related to Mikey’s wife!)

    He now chooses to focus on the progress difficult child has made like keeping his job and coming home on time. He doesn’t think difficult child is “seriously” into drugs, he is into the rebellion of it all and trying to find his way. We should just continue to try to work with him & agrees with the counselor that did the evaluation & if I have him locked up he’ll loose his job, etc. husband is thinking surely after the meeting with the PO he’ll get his act together and actually do the whopping 20 hours of community service that was ordered & reschedule the GED and manage to produce a clean drug screen before 4/24. WRONG!!! :nono:

    So, off we go to court this morning as originally planned and after waiting for about 2 ½ miserable hours we go in. After the judge asks some pretty simple questions like :hammer:“Have you completed the community service?” and “Have you obtained your GED?” hears from the PO he is still testing positive – then she asked us what’s going on & I present her with a one-page overview of the past 2 months – she read it & difficult child started with the “I’ll agree to out-patient, AA meetings, therapy, anything – I really can’t be locked up” – she
    slaps him with 15 days in detention & asked us our opinion on in-patient treatment. After it becomes obvious we aren’t on the same page, difficult child is escorted out. I expressed my feelings and husband did the same – we could not be any further apart in our views. She agreed with me that in-patient treatment was indicated and ordered it and even ordered another psychiatric evaluation done while he’s in detention.

    husband hasn’t said much to me other than the necessities – I know he thinks I’m still trying to “control” things that are not in my control; have fallen prey to the troubled teen industry, money grubbing facilities; watch too much Intervention; and trying to punish difficult child for not doing what I want. This isn’t going to be an easy road.:help:
  2. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Nola: Sounds like you're doing everything you can and you've been a super warrior mom, too. Sorry you and husband aren't on the same page yet. Since the judge agreed with you, I wouldn't think that you need to continue showing your point. You've made it and I'd bet that he'll come around, hopefully sooner rather than later.

    I'm thinking of you and sending lots of hugs!
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    You are doing a great job. I don't think you could do any more. As I see it, your husband doesn't want his child to have a record, and maybe thinks a little drug use is normal? in my opinion he is mistaken.

    I hope your son gets the help he needs in detention and inpatient therapy. I also hope you and husband can see a therapist and get some help with this issue.

    Sending hugs,

  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Keep up the work you are doing. Your goal is to protect difficult child and hopefully get him help before he is an adult.

    I had a friend once whose daughter was in big trouble with inappropriate behaviors since age 13 (parents thought it was ok for her to have a much older boyfriend since he lived so far away and they only talked via the phone - she showed up at an event high and told her mom she just took too many sleeping pills and couldn't wake up - 16 yrs old at the time). She ended up on drugs by the time she was 15. Dad got angry with her back talk when she was 16 and slapped her mouth for her language - of course when her friends found out, they told her to turn her dad in for abuse but still no help for her because it doesn't matter that you are being disrepectful and using bad language to your parents, they are not allowed to slap you - if the courts would have looked at the home at that time maybe she would have gotten the help she needed sooner. When she was finally 18 years old, the parents decided she needed more help and took her to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for chemical use. Since she was an "adult" they had no say in her staying so of course she didn't. She would have to wait to be in trouble before being committed otherwise she is an adult and can make her own choices in life.

    You are doing the right thing. Trying to get difficult child help while you and any other adult (docs, ect.) still have a legal say in his life. Unfortunately our kids are deemed "adults" when they reach a certain age regardless of how ready they are.
  5. NOLA

    NOLA New Member

    Just checking in - thanks for the encouragement. Wish I could report he's in-patient, getting help, etc., but he told me on the phone he will not go to an out-of-town rehab center & we can't make him + the whole thing is ridiculous - we are exaggerating everything blah blah blah.

    I told the PO he isn't interested in obeying us or the judge-I have no idea what will happen when his 15 days are up. Knowing him though he'll choose to stay in juvie just because it's the opposite of what we advise.

    Can you say frustrated? :biting:
  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Sorry that he continues to fight having a better life. Did the judge order inpatient? If so, does he really believe at this point he even has a say in it?
  7. ChefPaula1965

    ChefPaula1965 Oh my aching back!!

    Nola, just sending my share of encouragement to you........
    I agree with others who say to take advantage of this time where you still have some say-so.. Once he turns 18 you may not be able to get him the help he needs...
    Stay strong with what you know your son needs... our mommy hearts are usually right...
    when he turns 18 (I think almost for sure) all of his reccords will sealed and he will have a "clean slate" .. I hope he understands the importance of that!!!
    Sending BIG hugs to you
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sending hugs.

    The judge didn't have to agree with you, so let husband's pissiness be his problem...

    Other than that, stand strong with difficult child. Maybe even a break is warranted. Back to the ol' "can't talk nice don't talk at all" kinda thing, maybe?

    I dunno. Just sending many hugs.