Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by antsmom, Sep 4, 2007.

  1. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    long morning. court was running late. first we went down to meet the public defender assigned to ant, an older man who said he had been a lawyer 40 yrs. he opened a door, waved at ant and said see you up in the court room. I said HEY WAIT A MINUTE.
    he said what is the problem? I told him he had not even spoken to my son to get his defense ready. the lawyer said with this being the 4th DUI there is not much he can do, the judge has heard it all and no pleas would be given from the DA. he said he knows this judge and he wont listen to a thing.

    I argued with him that he is to defend ant the best he could not just give up. he said the only thing he would try maybe is a new program for drug and alcohol offenders that would include so many months locked up and then a gradual return to society via halfway then 3/4 houses over some time. he said he never got anyone into it before. he said ant had a felony charge pending(the evading and eluding police) and because of that he would not get into the program anyway.

    I told him to ask for a plea bargain anyway of some sort.

    the police officer was 15 mins late. there were tons of people in the halls and all over the bldg. ant and I went in and listened in on a couple cases this judge had. the judge was screaming at the people, rude to the lawyers, the tipstaff and was barking at everyone. I have seen mamy judges, but I was convinced they were not kidding about his reputation as a hard one.

    meanwhile the public defender talked to the cop and the DA in the hall-I never saw either. after a long time, the public defender called us and told us we had some time to go to the bathroom til the judge was ready for our case (it was already one and one half hour late). the girl whose car ant had driven was standing there in the witness room. I spoke to a private atty in the hallway and asked what we could expect if we had hired a private lawyer...he said 2.5 to 5 yrs in jail.

    a man came over to me and told me to have ant go pay 100.00 to the clerk of courts and then go in to the judge. I asked him who he was...he said I am Mike, the District Attorney. so ant and I ran down the hall to the clerk of courts and paid 100.00 for a CRN evaluation-a mandatory test to see what your drug and alcohol problems are... ant's third test. we took the receipt into the courtroom.

    when we got into the court room, they talked with ant and signed papers in front of the judge. no hearing, no testimony.

    ant had signed a plea bargain. they dropped the two most serious charges and that left driving with a suspended license and the 4th DUI. ant will have several thousand in fines as well as restitution for the girl's car and the cop car that were wrecked.

    the sad thing and I guess I should be grateful for the length of that ant agreed to one to two yrs in a state correctional institution. sigh. they let him go on his own recognizance (no bail)..and he is to report back october 17 to go to camp hill PA to be processed into the state prison system. when he gets out in a couple yrs, he will have three yrs probation and will have to work on the fines.
    They do not know yet which prison he will go to. camp hill does the evaluations and processing as a central starting point.

    we then had to go down to adult probation and he had the CRN test completed.

    I took him to lunch and he was just quiet. he said he was not going to to drag this out with trials etc. it is a miracle he got a plea at all. he said he will be ok. I told him to quit talking about it because I feel like I have a knife in my stomach.

    I do feel sad, but not panicky. I feel kinda numb, and sick of the whole justice system and having to go to so many hearings etc for the past 11 yrs.

    I was to take him to the county jail there too to get fingerprinted and booked but I didnt have the heart so I left him with boyfriend. boyfriend will do that today. they have this done within 5 dys of the court session to get the paperwork all lined up.

    to top it off, next tuesday he goes to see his probation officer in our local county. apparently he doesnt intend to tell him of these new charges yet. that PO could put him right in jail for a probation violation for the whole thing, not to mention all the drinking and going to bars.

    I told ant his drinking is a serious problem. he said he can quit anytime he wants. he said he is "not going to drink that much anymore".

  2. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    It sounds as if it could have been much worse.

    After all he's not going to drink that much. :faint:

    Some of our kids just don't "get it." Prayers that another year or two maturity will do it for him. At least you won't have to worry about him being in a serious accident....

    Actually, I'm at a loss for words. Your heart must be breaking. Hugs
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It's so sad. I'm thinking of you all today. DDD
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm sorry. I know that had to be awful to go thru again.

    I'm glad the lawyer asked for the plea. I think it shows some maturity on Ant's part that he is really to accept the consequences head on. Hopefully it won't be much longer til he can face the fact that the drinking is a huge part of the problem.

    Saying prayers and sending ((((hugs))))
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    ((((HUGS))) Janet, you must be so tired. My heart goes out you. -RM
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    no worries about serious accidents, but prison is something very unpleasant. county jails (3) he has been in .... are zoos. State prison I dont even want to think about. talked to some one who spent a few years in Graterford and recently got out. sounds archaic. sigh
    cant think about that yet.
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    You must be exhausted Janet.

    Yes, remembering what I went through visiting my oldest difficult child last year in County...a zoo, that is true.

    One thing that happend to my oldest during his prison rehab stay...he came out semi racist. It seems to be wearing off some now that mine is at the halfway house, but it was surprising. Also my difficult child came out with "hate" on one side of his neck "love" on the other side...tattoos. They look awful, he said he was "trying to fit in".

    This I know...if mine can survive, so can your ant. I was so worried at first, they are stronger than we realize.

    I wish none of this on any of us.
  8. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    by the way, am hoping ant can be sent to a prison rehab rather than real prison, is that even an option at this point?
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    no prison rehab here. seems to be just stockades for human animals.
    by the way he has tattoos:
    a scorpion on his leg in honor of his gramma-who was a scorpio
    his inner lower arm has KALEB fro the elbow to the wrist in old english lettering.
    his upper arm from elbow to shoulder is an Italian flag and his inner left hand between thumb and finger has 13 1/2 on it...a prison self done tattoo meaning 12 jurors, 1 judge and you dont get half a chance.
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I have a soft spot in my heart for Ant.

    I'm gonna keep praying that he gets it this time.
  11. MrsMcNear46

    MrsMcNear46 New Member

    So Sorry to hear the outcome Janet. I just don't know what it will take for Ant to truly get it. I was so sure after his last stint in jail that he truly did not want to go back there and would stay clean. I just don't know.

    I will continue to pray for your family Janet. Please take care and let Ant know there are still those who pray for him and want the best for him.


  12. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Well, I guess it came out much better than it could have.
    I still think he should tell his PO about all of this. It may just make them come down harder on him for not telling them.

    Maybe in prison he will realize that drinking isn't worth all of this.

  13. sameold sameold

    sameold sameold New Member

    So sorry, I can't imagine the anguish.
  14. Oh Janet, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say other than you and ant will be in my prayers. I hope he gets it this time.
  15. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I know you are exhausted. You did the best you could for him. Take a break. It will be ok no matter what. Sometimes I hope for my son someone would send him somewhere to get "fixed". He has been in a correctional facility in South Carolina. It didnt fix him. However, he survived and is not any worse for it. Prayers to you. :smile:
  16. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    What a horrible day you both had. I wish for something, anything, that will help these children understand the repercussions of their actions. I will have both of you in my prayers. I'm so sorry everyone has to do through this.
  17. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Janet, it does sound like it could have been worse. I think Donna said on a previous post that in prisons they credit you one day for every good behaviour day?? could he possibly get out earlier for good behaviour?

    I keep reading everyone askin the question "when is he going to get it and what is it going to take" THIS is what it is going to take apparently, this is Ants path, it is a tragic path for us to imagine but this is what he needs to do to get to the other side, the side of Ant you saw this weekend.

    HUGS to your family.

    Will you keep your visitations with Kaleb during Ants abscence?

  18. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Janet: I'm sorry you both had such a hard day. Maybe you can feel some relief now because the anticipation is behind you? Sometimes worring about what is going to happen is harder than knowing...hoping you can sleep a little better tonight (assuming you weren't sleeping well before, I know I don't sleep well when stressed) knowing what lies ahead...
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

  20. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Oh Janet, I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard the "I can quit any time I want to" line! I am so very sorry that you've had to go through all this once again. Still, like Stephie said, it could be worse.

    I still think though that Ant will be much better off and happier in the State system than in a county jail, if your system is even half-way decent. State systems are so closely regulated and monitored, it's hard to get by with much for very long. In a State institution, they don't just sit and vegetate all day - they have real JOBS or they go to school and they earn spending money. And they can get work and behavior credits that can take as much as a third off of their sentence if they work and stay out of trouble. Visiting is in a big room with real tables and chairs, not through thick glass. And most systems have in-house alcohol and drug treatment programs and mental health treatment staff. If it serves the purpose of getting through to him and getting help for him, it could turn in to time well spent in the long run. Of course, that doesn't make it any easier.

    Sending big (((hugs))).