cps again

[Jena]

also no it wont' follow me supposedly once she confirms case is closed. yet truth of the matter is that this school has now proven the lengths it will go to. which is absurd because we all know i'm not that parent not educating the kid, at no time did ball get dropped. dropped other balls yet not this one lol. so anytime she's late there's any question at all and by the way she was late al the time to elementary couldnt' walk thru the door rest of kids went thru due to anxiety and paranoia they'll call cps again. do i really want that kind of life living under a microscope?? husband is like we can't move now we're officially tapped out. yet july is when i'd think of making the move.

yet other side of me says do you want to send difficult child a message that trouble hits you run? i have never ran from anything yet it's about quality of life and those of us who have had to deal with-difficult schools and cps. i dont' want this drama in my life. i'm working on calming it all not revving it up.

 

[HaoZi]

Changing to a place that offers a better school environment for her is running TO, not running FROM. In the meantime, WOW, that's a whole lot of bovine malarkey to deal with. You may want to check your FB page again and see if there's someone from school (employee, another parent, etc) that is your leak, too.

 

[BusynMember]

I can tell you what we did.
When we had a very persistent social worker from CPS, probably four months out of school with no kids, try to take Sonic away from us for ridiculous reasons and allegations that SHE found us guilty of, we stayed until it was resolved then got the hello out of Dodge. I don't mess with my kids. This social worker was hostile to us and rude and would not have let up, even after the case was closed. Unfortunately, CPS workers CAN be really nasty, although I do agree it's best to grin and bear it and hope it goes away ASAP. After it was over, and we were finally allowed to adopt Sonic, we left the state. Nobody in the new state knew anything about our past problems. It was as big relief.
CPS is a government organization (one of their worst) and they have tons of power. If you're really afraid they may take your kids away, I'd get a lawyer. Hugs and I'm so sorry. CPS is the last thing you need!

 

[Marguerite]

It wont' follow me supposedly once she confirms case is closed

That's what I saw saying. If you do choose to move, don't actually do it until case is closed.

Because of how the system works, you need to be sure, if you do move, that the same problems won't happen again, if the same mind-set that pervades through the education system is the problem. If you have only had hassles because of one vindictive person, then CPS will find out and deal with tat person. Solved. But if the picture is more grey than this and well-meaning but misguided people called CPS, you will find the same sort of well-meaning but misguided people at a new school.

Sometimes the people you already know but have re-educated can be a better option for you, than moving to an area where they don't know you will bite if cornered.

Marg

 

[Jena]

you guys are the best, should live closer so you could come over for a drink!! you are all the bestest!! just putting my kids to bed as i beat them (ha ha) i'll read thru all these great responses in a.m. it takes a while got a house full tonight.

 

[Jena]

Marg I just dont' know. husband agrees too that moving might be the best option. i just read thru your post quickly. i mean think of it this way anytime anything goes astray with difficult child getting into bldg. etc they'll call cps on me probably. that's how these ppl tend to roll so to speak. if i wait for it to close and than go and wait for easy child to graduate in june once it's closed there can be no evidence of that call made, correct? that's what cps lady told me.

i have tried so hard through the years here to educate these ppl i've even brought in books to them, you name it i did it. yet still zero nothing from them. i thought the middle school would be different, they seemed very helpful in the beginning than suddenly they turned on me and suddenly. i left for portland and the guidance counselor was like well maybe difficult child in another school and us paying for it is the option than boom day before i left cps at my door. it was bizarre.

his ex and i know this sounds creepy like a bad movie of the week has been gunning for me since day one when i moved here. we don't know why im truly excellent with my step kids i adore them. yet she has been and used alot of different ways to do it. so this wouldnt' be beyond her. let's face it she wrote on husband's wall day before i left to leave me! that was soo weird.

 

[erbaledge]

hi no iep. remember how i fought tooth and nail for the 504 that gave us minimal accomodations and provisions simple stuff help with packing up back pack, allowance to go to nurse if anxiety hit badly etc... minimal basic junk.

now i'm in for an iep bigtime. i already emailed requesting a cse meeting. yet what their going to do is throw resource at us, if that doesn't work, self contained if that doesn't work than they'll fold and say ok boces program.

yet i just dont' know what i want to do. you know? do i want to stay and fight the fight? or do i want to go find another town to live in and begin again new fresh etc.

Jena - you may need to put your request in a real letter, not via email. I know I had to - just to request the meeting to discuss re-evaluation of my difficult child to go from a 504 to an IEP. I know you sent your request via email, but I would also send a written letter (save a copy for yourself).

Here's an example of a letter you may want to send: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/792.html
by the way, there are several other letter examples you can look up online.

 

[Marguerite]

Jena, we also walked away from a toxic school. BUT - I needed to have a good understanding of why it was toxic, and to also make sure that the same problems were not waiting for us at the new school. We found a new set of problems, some of which showed us that for us, NO mainstream school was going to work.

School 1 did not try as they should have. They did a lot of harm in the process. School 2 were a better fit, but had other problems we hadn't counted on. We really had to do our homework and 'interview' the new school. It was not too far away, we did not have to move house. But I had to talk to them, talk through the problems we'd had and ask them how they would handle Scenario X.

While you're waiting for the CPS stuff to be resolved, start planning. Work out some interview questions you could ask as you audition a replacement school. Also make sure that a new school will be willing to take her - if you send her where she is not wanted, you're behind the 8-ball from the start. You can be asking your questions, making your notes, putting plans in place, all while you wait for things to settle. Then when the time is right, you will be sure of which way to jump.

Marg

 

[JJJ]

Jena -- at Kanga's worst her teacher called to report us to CPS; she accused us of medical neglect as well. She didn't believe in mental illness in children and insisted we had made it all up and that Kanga was constantly late to school and missed alot of time. And in the middle of the investigation, Kanga tried to kill us (again) and was hospitalized. Teacher made a follow-up call to CPS claiming that we had inappropriately stuck Kanga in the hospital to 'prove a point'. So sad for her that Kanga is on Medicaid and that WE cannot stick her in a psychiatric hospital; we have to call the govt social worker who makes the decision. CPS knew this and started to get a bit frustrated (at their 1st visit I gave him all of Kanga's psychiatrist/therapist/peds phone numbers, the date of her most recent appointment, the date of her next appointment, I showed him all of her rx bottles (6 or 7 at the time), and a copy of her straight A report card showing 2 days absent all quarter. And a copy of her IEP showing that she was on a late start per the direction of her psychiatrist. Kanga took the bus to school 4 days per week (the 5th she had therapist in the morning and then I dropped her at school), so if she was late, he needed to be talking to the bus company. He visited Kanga at the psychiatric hospital and alked to the staff there.

By the time he was done with his investigation, he was ready to throw the teacher into foster care. He was livid that she wasted his time in her power play to control the IEP. He showed us how to file a complaint that the report was malicious.

The only highlight of the whole thing was being able to walk into the next IEP meeting. And in front of the entire team, hand her a copy of the "unfounded" letter and had this conversation

Me: Where did you get your medical degree from?

Teacher: I don't have a medical degree.

Me: Then don't you EVER question my child's diagnosis from her MEDICAL DOCTOR. Your opinion is irrelevant. You have neither the education nor the experience to even be a part of a conversation about her MEDICAL issues.

Teacher: (with a pouty face) I'm a mandated reporter.

Me: So am I and I know that as a mandated reporter, you know that using CPS to try and gain leverage in IEP negotiationsis AGAINST THE LAW. Consider this fair warning, the investigator was so irate at your presumption, your lack of ethics and your blatant disregard for my rights as her parent, that he hand-delivered the paperwork I needed to file a complaint against you. Your name is now in the system and every complaint that you make will be investigated in both directions -- the child for their safety and back at you to see if this was another illegal report. A 3rd phone call from you about my child will result in charges, you can bank on it.

Teacher: (silent, angry stare)

Me: (turning to the rest of the IEP team) My child will not be returning to that woman's classroom. Tell me what other options are on the table.

 

[BusynMember]

Haha! I love a good fight! Kudos for challenging them on the IEP retaliation.

To Jena: I know people who tried to stay in the same place, but it usually is a lose/lose for the family and kids. They think you are abusive (it's amazing what teacher's assume and talk about in the break room--I have many teachers as family and friends and THEY are appalled by it). If they think you are abusive, for whatever idiotic reasons they invent, they can continue to report you to CPS. It is rare that anyone who is a mandated reporter (or not one) to be told to stop calling CPS. There are no laws against calling about you all the time. And CPS has the perverse, unAmerican view that you are guilty until proven innocent. Even then, some social workers have God complexes and feel the need to prove themselves right.
If you leave the district, you are showing your daughter that she does not need to stay in abusive situations. Would you stay in a marriage where you got continually clobbered and called false names? No. Why stay in such a school district? Why worry that every time the door rings or there is a strange car in the driveway that it is a social worker without a clue? Yes, I know how it feels. It was eerie the kinds of allegations the social workers made up just to prove herself right. She even said, "Sonic is making a lot of progress, but you and hub are a bad family for him." She had trouble articulating why, but that didn't stop us from nearly having Sonic, who was very attached to us, ripped from our arms.
You have to make the decision, but I did not stay and I've never been sorry I left. On top of my other stuff with the kids, I didn't need some crazy social worker threatening to take Sonic from us. Heck, I know people who HAVE lost their children and shouldn't have. Go with your gut.

 

[klmno]

I agree with MWM & JJJ's posts- actually, I can relate to them the most I guess because they sound exactly like what I was going thru with old PO and GAL. They get God complexes, I think, because they know if it's ever in court, they're the ones the judge listens to the most and most likely will rule in favor of.

I have a question tho- did the cps worker actually say that this report was for medical neglect? In some jurisdictions, if a kid misses a certain number of days in school, the sd HAS to report it to court or dss even if they know the kid was in the hospital or they were excused absences for other reasons. Once I remembered that, it made me wonder if that's what was behind this and cps worker, although still has to follow standard approach and procedure, really just needs needs to verify that your daughter does have issues that were being addressed and that's why she's been absent. If the issues are that she doesn't have enough of a transitional plan for returning to sd, the sd carries as much (if not more) of that burden than you do, don't they? Actually, check into regs in your state about when a sd is REQUIRED to evaluation a child, or at least approach parent to get permission, for IEP and accommodations. I learned years after the fact that difficult child's elementary sd had spent 2-3 years complaining to me and about me regarding difficult child but broke regs because they had been required to initiate IEP evaluation process if they felt that way but had never done it.

As far as moving- if your husband needs to start over work-wise and financially, maybe you could use an exploration into where to move as a way to re-connect and start over. IOW, maybe you and he can explore new areas and while he's looking for work there, you can check into schools there and compare notes and then decide together which place is in the best interest of the whole family.

 

[AnnieO]

Having been part of multiple CPS investigations...

They don't have to tell you who it is specifically. If it is a school, hospital, etc., then they must tell you (this is not considered anonymous).

The one we're in now? Abuse and medical neglect. because husband tried to show Onyxx something, it backfired, and we didn't take her to the doctor but had her use aloe gel. Which, by the way, is what the doctor 3 days later said to do... But, this is the FIRST TIME we've gotten a decent case worker. And Jen? You seem to have one. They have to tell you worst-case scenario by law. They don't have to tell you what they think will happen. But what they think will happen? Influences the report they file. IOW, you're being transparent - and, yes, it's a PITA to deal with this, but it is what it is. Used to be you could beat a kid black and blue, and it was discipline... Now, you blink wrong and it's abuse. I understand.

The fact of the matter is, whether you move or not - difficult child and easy child will still have baggage. THAT won't change. Moving, you get away from this school, but then the kids have to make all new friends, you have to go through all the hassle of moving... Among other things. Staying, you may end up having to homeschool most of the time to avoid this; on the other hand, won't difficult child move to a different building at some point?

Hugs, sweetie. Having to deal with CPS hoovers. But just MAYBE, you can get some help...

 

[nvts]

The blessing here Jena, is that the SW from ACS recognizes the situation for what it is. Personally? Whenever we were being investigated, I embraced them as potential people that could help point me in the direction of whatever services there are out there. They loved the fact that I was open, honest, pleasant and cooperative.

I would ask her about how to file a complaint for malicious reporting. That will let her know that you don't hold her responsible but that you're at the end of your rope with this charade. It's awkward for her because she is on the hook to check out everything that you've told her. She could lose her job if she didn't and worse still, if there's a stone unturned and something goes wrong, a child's life is in jeopardy (if you were abusing her - which we know you're not!).

I'd look into an educational advocate/parent advocate. I know you're in NY. Do you have an organization such as a mental health org.? I'm going to PM you the name of the org. that has been invaluable for difficult child 1. I wish I'd met them years ago.

Fight the fight, but carefully...carefully. While our kids can be manipulative, so should we be when it comes to fighting for them!

Beth

 

[TerryJ2]

I agree. BEst of luck!

CPS won't be able to call anywhere and verify you went, because of confidentiality issues and HIPAA regulations, unless you sign a release. Be sure you talk to the therapist about this when you go.

An IEP is crucial in your daughter's situation ... I just assumed she had one, I guess. I'd get the ball rolling on that as soon as you can, especially under the circumstances. It's unlikely CPS will take action,