CPS called on Cory/Mandy etc

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Jun 11, 2014.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Last night Billy called us and told us that CPS had contacted Cory and or Mandy to tell them that they were coming out to see them. One thing that really gets my goat is how CPS contacts people that they think are either abusing or neglecting kids and tell them they are coming...doesnt that pretty much give people time to make themselves look like parents of the year?

    Well supposedly the woman came and of all the stupid things to get upset over she got upset over the physical condition of my mobile home. She didnt like the fact that my carpets are old and stained. She didnt like that I have holes in my walls. Now those holes are all high up and out of the reach of a toddler. There are no bare wires hanging out either. Its all cosmetic. Now the house has to be fixed up by next Tuesday or they will remove the baby.

    Never mind the whole issue of both parents using drugs. Never mind that Mandy is receiving benefits for the baby and the baby doesnt live with her. Never mind that Mandy doesnt buy any food for the baby at Cory's. Never mind that Mandy let the WIC lapse and it still wouldnt be started if Cory hadnt gone down to reinstate it. Even never mind that Mandy wont tell anyone where she lives so if something happened...heaven forbid...to the baby, no one would know where to look for her.

    Now if this whole thing was happening to me and someone told me that the place my kid was staying had to get fixed up or CPS was taking them, I would offer to take the kid to my house. She didnt do that. Evidently she cant take the baby to wherever it is she is staying. That is odd to me. The baby also cant go stay with her mom because she is a crack addict.

    Tony is ticked off. In a way this surprises me because he always seems to want to bend over backwards for the baby. Instead he is mad because he thinks it is going to cost us money. Well it probably will. If Cory can manage to get this place fixed up in a week he will not be able to pay us rent for July. Personally that is okay with me. We can actually afford to pay for this place without a huge big deal. Tony is throwing a fit over it though. I told him he has two choices...either deal with this and let them fix the place up or go ahead and tell them to move out immediately and we give him back what he paid in rent. At that point I would give my landlord our 60 day notice and we would have everyone move out of the mobile home when we move back. He isnt making a choice...just *itching.

    What is really strange though is last fall when CPS had to come out to talk to us about the case involving Monkey and her mom's boyfriend they never said one word about my house. Same house, nothing has changed. Now I dont know if Cory had cleaned up or not because the last time I was there it was a mess but I would imagine he had done at least some since he knew they were coming.

    Be interesting to see what happens. I dont think I can take the baby on even though Tony will want to do that. If I have to they would have to give me a ton of services. She is already showing signs of ODD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). With my physical problems I would have to be able to have her in day care during the day. I simply couldnt handle a toddler full time anymore. The one person who could and would do it at a moments notice is Jamie. We have had that discussion several times because we have always known it may come down to that.
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Janet can you talk to CPS (I know...) to see if there is any way to get some sort of assistance with the holes? Maybe a church group or something? It's shameful that they can't seem to see the bigger picture - "child cared for at home by family" v "child in the care of the state".

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  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This gets even more weird.

    Billy just stopped by after work to give me the low down in person. I think Mandy has made some major mistakes in what she told this woman. That can come back to bite her badly. If and when they find out she has lied about what is really something trivial they will just assume she is lying about everything.

    As you know I own that place. I also get medicaid because my social security disability is low enough that I qualify for it. Tony and I arent married so his income doesnt count. I dont lie on my applications (no need for it) so I have always told them who is living in the home with me. On previous apps it was just me, Tony and Billy. At one time Buck was there. This last time that I renewed Cory and the baby were there.

    Now Social Services is a big place and can be quite inept at times but one thing they are very good at is matching up people and addresses because its all computerized. If you enter my address you will find my medicaid case which lists everyone I said lives in my home.

    Well when the social worker went there yesterday Mandy told them she lived there alone I think. Possibly she said Cory did. If she said Cory stayed there she claimed they just lived as roommates. Dumb mistake. I have 4 bedrooms. Billy's bedroom has a ton of electronics in it. One of the bedrooms is completely empty because my idiot kids let a water leak go on for several weeks and that room has mold in it and we need to replace everything in it. The next bedroom is just a huge storage room full of toys. Then there is the master bedroom which is where Cory and the baby stay. There is no way anyone could believe one person stayed there alone with all that stuff in the house.

    Oh and Mandy has brought a ton of junk from somewhere she used to live and stacked it in my living room. The place has more junk now than when I left.

    I did suggest to Cory that he should go up and talk to this guy who lives at the end of our road. He is a big wig in the local church and they have done a ton of work for people around us. These are the people who helped Buck out all those months paying for rent, food, medication, a phone...etc. They also built a ramp for a handicapped guy. Oh and this guy got the church to completely rebuild a mobile home after his son stripped it for the copper so his son wouldnt go to jail. I dont know if they would help us out or not. I dont go to that church though Tony's grandmother always did.

    Billy says they think this handicapped guy that Mandy has been working for (the one that had the ramp built) is the one who called CPS on them. He has been saying some really strange things to her in the last couple of weeks. Billy told me that he has been selling his pain medications to buy crack. The social worker told Mandy she needs to quit that job because "its a conflict of interest" which is a strange comment to me.

    I dont know who to call other than the guy who lives up the road but perhaps I can call some other churches. Oh and Billy said he felt that the social worker was actively looking for tiny things to complain about so that there was no way that anyone could possibly fix everything in less than a week.

    Cory is very upset. He went out and beat up a tree and may have broken his hand. It will kill him if he loses the baby. I hope this turns out for the best.
  4. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    Do you think the CPS use the supposed state of the living accommodation as an easy option, because it's a lot easier for them than investigating and proving drug abuse and child neglect?
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have no idea. These people have been in my home twice in the last 9 months and it is the first time anyone has said a word about the condition of the house. I have spent most of the night researching help online and I have no clue if I can possibly get in touch with them in time. Also the last time I tried to get help from one of the places I found out they played favorites and one of the workers family members was approved 9 times in one year. that isnt supposed to happen at all.

    I did have a bright idea while losing sleep. I dont see why it would be wrong to simply put heavy duty cardboard over the holes and just tape those up and paint them. How on earth is anyone going to tell unless they try to punch a new hole in there? This drywall that is put up in mobile homes is extremely thin but is also much more expensive when you go to replace it. Tony and I had planned to redo all the walls with thicker drywall at some point in time but not in one week. Also not until it was just us living there. I have been saving pictures of how I want to redo my kitchen when we move back in.
  6. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Wishing well with this, Janet.

    I hope it does not come down to you and Tony taking the baby.

    I would like to see you have this time for yourselves. Just lately, I am feeling completed in some new way through my relationship to husband. Whereas before, I saw our home (and us) as helping, First Responder defenders of family and etc, lately I have begun to feel differently. Others are welcome, but the emphasis has shifted. I feel complete now, when it is only husband and myself here. Our purpose seems to be ourselves. Before, our purpose seemed to be to function as a home base, as something stable for anyone who needed it. Our focus was "out there" before.

    Now, we seem to be developing another, deeper level of intimacy and gratitude that has to do with who we are being enough.

    I would like that to happen for you and Tony. I do see a difference in the way you think about him Janet, since the two of you have been living away from the kids.

  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Janet, I know you are agonizing over this and I know you love both C and the baby with all of your heart and like all of us moms - you don't want anything bad to happen to them. And I know that you are fretting and thinking of all options so that you can fix this and keep the baby with her daddy which is where she belongs. No doubt. I get that. And I would be doing the same in your shoes.

    I mean this with the utmost respect and kindness - this is Cory's to fix. I realize it's a big job, I realize he is not solely responsible for the state of the home and that he has physical limitations; that said - It's HIS turn to move heaven and earth for his baby girl. Going out and beating a tree & breaking his hand MAKES THINGS WORSE. If he put that energy into getting started on cleaning & fixing, he would have made progress. You know and I know and every parent on here knows that we would move mountains for our children. This is Cory's mountain to move. It doesn't matter the legitimacy of CPS requesting it - his daughter is at stake! I think it's fine for you and Jamie to have a quiet contingency plan "just in case" - but I would make it CLEAR to C that if he loves his daughter & wants to keep her that he needs to get the place cleaned up. And that he CAN do so and he needs to get moving on it ASAP because he doesn't want to lose his daughter!

    IIRC, he was supposed to get the place cleaned up when he moved in and he didn't and actually made it worse. He is responsible for his choices and yes, losing the baby shouldn't be the ultimate price - but if that's what is even remotely and unfairly at stake - there is no question he needs to get cleaning!
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  8. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I agree with Signorina. Cory is the one who should be jumping through hoops to fix the issues. Its his kid and his living space. Mandy's lies are just silly but in the end probably wont amount to much.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I know this is the baby's parents mess to solve. I am fairly angry because it has become more and more obvious that it is someone from Mandy's world that has reported this. And yes, both he and Billy were supposed to get that house cleaned up but Billy will never help...never has and never will. We also thought Mandy was moving in so she would help. The three of them literally sat down with us and gave us a rundown of how each of them was going to contribute to the household and one of the things was Mandy providing most of the food because she had her food stamp card. That obviously never happened. I dont understand how people can do these things because if I had split up with Tony when the boys were young we would have both moved heaven and earth to make sure they were taken care of.

    I was looking around online last night to attempt to find out exactly what constitutes an issue within a house and this is what I found:
    • There are no safety hazards present in house (exposed wiring, unsafe heating units, broken windows, fire hazards, rats, vermin, snakes);
    • House has not been condemned;
    • House does not have running water or electricity, but parent is able to provide "proper care" standards by other means;
    • There is adequate heat;
    • Child has safe sleeping area (not exposed to rats or the elements);
    • Housekeeping standards do not expose child to possible disease, infections, injuries or fire hazards. The home has working smoke detectors and any firearms/other weapons are properly secured.
    • Child is not at risk of sexual abuse, physical abuse, or neglect due to a parent or caretaker's relationship with another individual or due to the parents or caretaker’s sexual abuse, physical abuse or neglect of another child.
    • Parent or caretaker has developed an identifiable protection plan as a result of third party abuse/neglect or risk of abuse/neglect.
    • Child has safe sleeping area (not at risk of sexual abuse and not exposed to sexual activity).
    • Child is not at risk of sexual abuse, physical abuse, or neglect due to the death of a sibling or neglect or abuse of a sibling.
    • Children under 12 are not allowed to use nor have access to guns or any dangerous weapons without adult supervision.
    • Child is not injured in a vehicular accident even though child was not wearing a seat belt or in a child restraint seat.
    • Parent or caretaker’s relationship with criminal elements has not placed child’s health or safety at risk.

    • Child receives adequate care from parent or caretaker despite substance abuse or misuse by their parent or caretaker.
    • Child does not have access to illegal substances or prescription medications.
    • Child receives adequate supervision despite substance abuse or misuse by their parent or caretaker.
    • Newborn does not display evidence of illegal drugs/ misuse of prescription drugs in his/her system or does not suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome.
    • Mother tests positive for illegal substances/excess of prescription medication or alcohol at the time of delivery
    There are no exposed wires, there is one broken window but the storm window is closed over it, new HVAC system, new roof, all water and faucets work, child doesnt have her own bed but we do have a toddler bed used with the oldest grandchild but she wont sleep in it. In my opinion she isnt at risk of disease or harm by the housekeeping. I have raised 4 kids now in my messy houses and no one has died yet. My house does not look like an episode of Hoarders. There is DEFINITELY no sexual abuse going on. And last but not least, from this list it appears that just using drugs isnt enough to consider a child at risk.
  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    There is a room filled with black mold and water damage which constitutes a health risk under the last bullet of PHYSICAL. The things piled in the living room and the one bedroom piled with stuff could be considered a fire hazard under PHYSICAL bullet one.

    Billy didn't take the trash out while you lived there so you may not realize that there could have been several bags of trash lying around in the kitchen, or right outside the front door or whatever.

    In regards to the carpet, if there is suspicion (or if it can't be proved that they are not) any of the stains are human body fluids or pet excreatment, they could be considered hazardous to a toddlers health. Laws are getting pretty strict here in Virginia as it relates to "stains" on any surface considered a porous fabric.

    I wouldn't even assume to know what the condition of the home was when CPS came by.

    I think I would file this under detaching from the drama and let mom and dad handle it. Unfortunately your grand is going to pay the price, but mom and dad need to handle it. You can't take the baby because of health issues and you certainly can't go over there and patch the holes. I am continually amazed at the Cory and Billy's ability to exist bubble without regard to others......

    I'm so sorry.

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  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know. I dont know what it looked like when they came. I do know that none of the stains are actual pet stains anymore because we had the carpets shampoo'd last fall after we finally got Abby completely trained. Before that I had bought this huge reusable twin sized bed pad that is for incontinent people but I used it for her. I just washed it as needed. The carpets got really bad in my family room from people spilling stuff plus when my mom was alive and she just did everything. One time she actually found some nail polish and poured whole bottles of it all over the floor. Ugh. I just gave up on them.

    Tony went over tonight and said it is looking pretty good. Mandy's mother is over cleaning the kitchen and Cory and one of his friends are doing all the holes. I told them to just pack up the items we want to keep in the empty bedroom and put a lock on it. One funny thing is that they got rid of everything on one of my built in bookshelves. Why I dont know since it wasnt messy or anything. I just had books, nicknacks and then my mom and grandmother. I told Cory he should just casually introduce the social worker to his grandmother and great-grandmother as he is showing them around and I will bet my right arm they will leave in a hurry!

    I am a bit upset that Billy isnt helping more than he is. He seems to think he has no other responsibility other than going to work. I hate to think about what his place is going to look like when he has to live on his own. Which by the way wont be too far in the future. Tony and I have told both boys that we plan on going back home when our year here is up so they have to find other living conditions. I wont live with grown kids again. Im enjoying this just way too much.
  12. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet, glad to hear Cory is working on it and getting help. It shows he knows the consequence of doing nothing.

    Gosh, I hope the boys will take care of your home Janet.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well if nothing else the holes in the walls will be patched!

    I had to laugh at a few things. Mandy's mom was over helping to clean the kitchen when Tony went over yesterday. First thing she said to him was "boy, I never knew this place was so big!" Ummm, even if you have never stepped foot into my house just by looking at it from the front yard you can see its 76 feet long and 28 feet wide. It doesnt take a mental giant to know that is quite a large mobile home! Its quite a large home of any sort.

    Since everyone is doing all this so called remodeling I have been looking online for how I want to do things when we go back. There is no way Cory can afford to put new carpet in right now so CPS will just have to live with it or offer him help to get some. However I have spent the better part of last night and today looking at interesting and low cost flooring alternatives. I found one where you glue brown paper to your floor and it looks like leather. Its awesome looking. Of course you have to seal it. Tony was dumb enough to ask me what happened if you want to take it up to put down something else. I said...uhhh...its paper, you put whatever else you want right over it! LOL.

    I also found out how to DIY my countertops to look as if they are granite. And I found out the right kind of paint to use to paint the cheap cabinets they put in mobile homes. I also think I am going to tile my "kids" bathroom in colored bottle caps! Such interesting ideas if you search for them.
  14. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    there are many things you can "hide" with contact paper also, currently using it in my house (3 places) to hide code violations. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL Nancy...I would have simply covered everything with poster board! Or wall paper.

    Its amazing, years ago we had this idiotic social worker come out to my house because Cory and Jamie were being left alone during the summer. They were 12 and 14 at the time. Well old enough according to our laws. At that time Billy wasnt living with us but they insisted that I was also "neglecting" him by leaving him home alone too. He was 17! Now they couldnt have it both ways, if Billy was there then there wasnt an issue at all with all the boys being home alone. In fact because of Jamie's age he was old enough to babysit Cory...or any child. But I digress.

    This dumb social worker comes over to do whatever it was she was going to do and when she walked in the door she noticed my five and a half foot iguana which was lounging on top of the curtain rod above the couch. The iguana normally just roamed around but you didnt notice her much until she turned her head. Well when she heard that woman's voice she slowly turned her head, blinked her eyes and then swished that tail! That woman was out of my house in 5 seconds flat. She never stepped foot back inside either.
  16. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am amazed at the section on substance abuse. I would have thought that they would take away children in any home where there were illegal drugs. So a parent could be shooting up heroin but as long as the child does not have access to it and isn't being neglected then everything is hunky dory? At least until the parent overdoses I guess.

    Janet, from the things that you have told us, I think that Jamie is truly the best option right now for the baby. She needs stability and Jamie and Mandy don't provide that. She is already showing signs of acting out which is totally not surprising.

    I also don't think that you and Tony should be the ones to take her. Considering your health issues, that wouldn't be fair to you or Tony.

  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was amazed at the section on sub abuse myself but it makes sense considering how many times I tried to turn in clients when I worked for social services. Never once did they step in.
  18. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You know, when we were trying to make difficult child leave our home, we went with the interventionist to the court to get an temporary protection order. Everyone kept telling us how hard they are to get and that we had to be in actual physical danger to get one.

    We filled out the forms and put bringing heroin into our house as the second reason that we were in danger and needed the TPO. The judge started reading our list, stopped when he read about the heroin, and said that was reason enough to get the TPO. Deputies were sent to our house immediately and she was told she had to leave.

    So, having heroin in the house is enough of a physical danger to get a TPO against someone but it is not considered enough of a reason to remove a child from that danger.

    Amazing and not is a good way. by the way, I am only using heroin as an example since that is what my difficult child was doing. I have no idea what drugs Cory and Mandy are using but I can't believe having and using any illegal drugs in the home could be a good thing when raising children.
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2014
  19. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    That's because if they step in for drug use have to spend a small fortune offering rehab and counseling etc. also once that can of worms is opened they often end up in a no choice but to take the kids.

    So they nit pick about housekeeping, when inspector sent letter my landlord needed to rip out wall next to toilet & replace (i shudder at the thought of my idiot landlord even with paintbrush) i cleaned it, sanded it, painted it then covered the whole thing in contact paper

    as far as what age needs childcare, depends on the kids... i'm currently scheduling my therapy sessions for my son's days off work; 17 & 19yo can't leave them both together home alone, one alone fine but not both LOL

  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My kids were fine together...obviously, they are alive today. What really irritated me to no end over that was I knew with certainty that there was a CPS worker who was married to a cop who routinely left her very young children alone during the day. I knew it because her kids played sports with mine when they were younger. They were on the teams the age down from mine. At the time they were being left alone I think they were 6 and 8. Now that is illegal.

    From what I understand the house is in pretty good order now.