CPS issue???

[klmno]

I just got home and found a VM that concerns me- a person had called and left a message then didn't realize that they hadn't hung up the phone completely before going off on their kid. I didn't heear any beating or physical altercation but verbally, I am not sure if this qualifies as abuse or not. I was going to call cps and describe it to see if they thought it was worth checking into. Unfortunately with that type of vm, they can't hear the message themselves without coming to the house phone. But guess what- the flipping child abuse hotline (cps) for this area automatically switches to a busy signal so no one ever answers- no recording- no VM.

I'm really trying to work on my attitude that has gotten so cynical about everything and most people but things like this aren't helping.

Back to original issue- if a man is yelling to his kid that he's "going to 'git his butt whipped" over and over because the kid was disrespectful to his teacher and is referring to a missed or blank answer on a question of homework while yeslling "why" to the kid and the kid is whimpering (sounds between 8-10yo to me) and saying he couldn't remember how to do it and this goes on and on until the kid starts saying things like "i didn't pay attnention"; "I didn't do what I was supposed to do in class", "my work is sloppy", "I don't behave in school", etc, then finally the man is saying "that's right, that's right and you don't 'git your butt whipped' when you just say things like that to begin with" then my message time ran out. Is that verbal abuse or an issue cps should know about?

Poor kid-I get that he might have needed a punishment if he was disrespectful to a teacher. But I worked hard to undo my son feeling that way about himself- the last thing a parent should do is threaten to spank if the child doesn't say those things about himself, in my humble opinion. Kid probably needs an IEP. I yelled at my son sometimes and I've said and done things I wish I hadn't in hindsight but I never went on and on like that man did with a whimpering elemntary school-age kid just belittleing himself because that's the only thing that would make me stop. But I don't know- maybe that's what my son needed to turn him around before it got to the point it did for him.

I'm interested hearing others' opinions on this.

 

[HaoZi]

If CPS won't answer, you could also call the desk Sgt (non-emergency number) at the local police station and ask to have an officer stop by to listen and decide if they should do a "wellness check" or something. I'm sure they have ways to contact CPS that aren't available to the general public if they decide it needs to go that route.

 

[flutterby]

The sad truth? CPS is so hardened to abuse, that this probably won't even register with them. If you call them, they will have to look into it, but I doubt anything will come of it.

That doesn't mean I don't think you should call them. Might not be a bad idea to at least get this parent on their radar.

 

[klmno]

I'll try again then maybe pursue the other suggestion. The thing is, I don't really think it's abuse that warrants an emrgency placement or anything- but an IEP evaluation and parenting classes would be a good idea, in my humble opinion. But then again, look where my son is right now. My father or step-father never yelled at me like that but I wasn't defiant- who knows what the status of this kid is.

 

[HaoZi]

My thought is this kid's status being a Friday afternoon and plenty of time for marks to vanish by Monday morning. But maybe I'm paranoid.

 

[klmno]

CPS answered this time. The man asked what I heard on the phone, I relayed it, he said "that father needs some parenting skills but it doesn't meet the criteria for child abuse. Bye." He never asked the father's name or anything so this could go on forever before this kid gets on somebody's radar.

 

[HaoZi]

So they won't even check into whether or not the father makes good on his threats? Nice. In that case I would be asking for an officer to do a wellness check.

 

[JJJ]

I wouldn't have called. Yelling at your kid -- even beating their butt (as long as it is done with an open hand and the redness fades in 24 hours) is not abuse. I'm not surprised that CPS blew it off.

If this is a friend, I may just bring up how hard parenting is these days and talk about some options we used, etc.

 

[klmno]

I guess they are all- sd's, Department of Juvenile Justice, and dss- too busy keeping tabs on those of us who really do have difficult children and are really trying to be decent parents- not perfect- but not abusive.

saying to self: work on attitude. work on attitude. work on attitude......

 

[TerryJ2]

I agree with-Flutterby.
I called CPS yrs ago on a neighbor who went out of town for a wk and left her 12-yr-old home alone. CPS supposedly investigated and didn't come up with-a thing. Turns out mom came back in town and said she was there all along.
If the kid has a bullet wound next to his heart, they will stop by.
So sorry.

 

[HaoZi]

During my 1st marriage, we got pulled over because ex#1 and I were yelling at each other and he pulled a too-sharp turn. She wanted to make sure he wasn't being abusive (he wasn't, we were arguing about which way to go).

 

[klmno]

So, would you find that behavior that I described as verbally abusive or is that what "good" parents do to keep their kids from becoming difficult children and worse- incarcerated difficult children?

 

[HaoZi]

I'd say making a kid say bad things about himself or else get beaten isn't good parenting.

 

[DDD]

I understand your concern but parenting is approached differently by people in different socio/economic levels. Although a parenting class would probably be beneficial for almost all parents the Courts don't get involved until there is evidence of abuse
beyond yelling. One good thing is that there are many "mandatory reporters" so that if there is evidence at least there is a chance for intervention. CPS can not make any parent do anything with-o using law enforcement and/or the court system. DDD

 

[susiestar]

in my opinion it is abuse but CPS will do exactly NOTHING about verbal and emotional abuse. You can say pretty much anything you want to your child and you can make your child say anything you want to.

I would want to report it, klmno, but I know they wouldn't do anything because they are overwhelmed with the physical and sexual abuse reports. They feel there is no point in investigating verbal or emotional abuse reports because it is all he said she said and the courts won't do anything.

 

[JJJ]

It's poor parenting but it is not abuse as defined by law in my state.

 

[klmno]

That's what the guy at cps said and I guess I agree. I don't know what I was expecting them to do- it would have been nice to think someone could go talk to the man and the sd and maybe suggest something for this kid and family but that's not very realistic. It just really bothered me to hear this man going off like that while that child whimpering those negative statements out about himself.

 

[HaoZi]

I'd keep the recording just in case.

 

[TerryJ2]

HaoZi, you are the Poster Child for all marriages on this planet. Sooooooo typical, LOL! (So sorry.)


During my 1st marriage, we got pulled over because ex#1 and I were yelling at each other and he pulled a too-sharp turn. She wanted to make sure he wasn't being abusive (he wasn't, we were arguing about which way to go).

 

[TerryJ2]

KLMNO, no, I do not think that's good parenting. It breaks my heart. But it's not something that CPS wants to deal with, as you have discovered.

Also, you don't know the history. Maybe this kid really is a difficult child and he's actually learning, the hard way, how to say "yes" to adults instead of argue.
This technique would not work on my son.