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CPS....opinions.....what would you do?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 748669" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Busy,</p><p>I have grands who were subjected to who knows what while their biological parents were chasing their high. My first contact with CPS was a call years ago that my daughter was accused of smoking pot while breastfeeding her third child. Hubs and I ended up with all three, two in diapers while CPS enforced outpatient rehab and counseling, which we had to make a monthly trek to go to with the intention of reuniting the family. It worked for a short time, until the whole circus started up again. We received no help financially and pretty much blew our savings on diapers, clothes, food and formula. I don’t know if things would be different now. I think we had a really shady social worker who was too lazy to help <em>us</em> get help.</p><p>Anyway.</p><p>I have called CPS a couple of times with concerns for my grandchildren. The response was not what I had imagined. Not much was done. Here in Hawaii they rely a lot on Catholic Charities for counseling, etc. My grands kind of fell through the cracks in the system, the older they got, the less response. I think the system here is very overwhelmed with cases and they focus on infants and toddlers.</p><p>I am still glad I called for my own peace of mind that I did <em>something</em>. But, CPS can be a tricky road, being that if children are removed from a home and put into foster care, what kind of care are they getting?</p><p>I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I understand the frustration and heartache. To have a wayward adult child coupled with grands and the knowledge they are not living a normal life is heart wrenching. My daughter would come and go with her three, as long as we were housing them we had contact. She would “punish” us with no contact often using the grands as pawns.</p><p>Sigh.</p><p>Last brutal encounter, I spent my summer helping Mom get a TRO against her abusive baby daddy, (again)....only to find him in our home weeks later. Long story short, she took off after a hellish morning with the kids while screaming they were HER kids, not mine.</p><p>As a grandmother, I had no rights.</p><p>Seems everything we have done has no merit with the parents.</p><p> But, my grands remember.</p><p>Hubs suffered illnesses through all of this and passed three years ago.</p><p>I had to stand my ground of not allowing my two home, and not becoming rescue grandma.</p><p>I couldn’t. I had to take care of my son.</p><p>The parents eventually went completely bonkers.</p><p>The grands preferred to stay with their paternal grandparents. They come for visits here. They are remarkably well for all they have been through.</p><p>Sorry for my rambling memories. It has been awhile since I have posted and it’s all coming out again.</p><p>We tried to help our daughter get away from her abusive boyfriend, she kept bringing him back into the picture which made our home a battleground. I know victims of domestic violence need to feel supported. It can take some time before they decide to leave. So, take time to take care of yourself and think things through. It is heart wrenching to see your adult child and grandchild in this difficult spot.</p><p>As one who has walked this journey, I feel for your aching heart and desire to find a remedy. There is only so much anyone of us can do, when we are dealing with adults who will do as they choose. The hardest part is the fact that the grands have no say in any of this. I had to rely a lot on prayer to get me through some very tough times. Especially the Serenity prayer. I think that works even if you are not religiously inclined. Acceptance that some things are the way they are and realizing you may not be able to fix it. One thing that really helped me was a new friend who grew up with two addicted parents and had the tough life that goes with that. She said that times she spent with her grandparents, however few and far between helped her tremendously. She remembered their kindness and normal conventional lifestyle.</p><p></p><p>Take one day at a time and keep posting. The kindness and understanding from folks here is immeasurable. I have been pulled up from some very dark spots due to the wisdom and grace flowing from this site.</p><p>Hang in there!</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 748669, member: 19522"] Hi Busy, I have grands who were subjected to who knows what while their biological parents were chasing their high. My first contact with CPS was a call years ago that my daughter was accused of smoking pot while breastfeeding her third child. Hubs and I ended up with all three, two in diapers while CPS enforced outpatient rehab and counseling, which we had to make a monthly trek to go to with the intention of reuniting the family. It worked for a short time, until the whole circus started up again. We received no help financially and pretty much blew our savings on diapers, clothes, food and formula. I don’t know if things would be different now. I think we had a really shady social worker who was too lazy to help [I]us[/I] get help. Anyway. I have called CPS a couple of times with concerns for my grandchildren. The response was not what I had imagined. Not much was done. Here in Hawaii they rely a lot on Catholic Charities for counseling, etc. My grands kind of fell through the cracks in the system, the older they got, the less response. I think the system here is very overwhelmed with cases and they focus on infants and toddlers. I am still glad I called for my own peace of mind that I did [I]something[/I]. But, CPS can be a tricky road, being that if children are removed from a home and put into foster care, what kind of care are they getting? I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I understand the frustration and heartache. To have a wayward adult child coupled with grands and the knowledge they are not living a normal life is heart wrenching. My daughter would come and go with her three, as long as we were housing them we had contact. She would “punish” us with no contact often using the grands as pawns. Sigh. Last brutal encounter, I spent my summer helping Mom get a TRO against her abusive baby daddy, (again)....only to find him in our home weeks later. Long story short, she took off after a hellish morning with the kids while screaming they were HER kids, not mine. As a grandmother, I had no rights. Seems everything we have done has no merit with the parents. But, my grands remember. Hubs suffered illnesses through all of this and passed three years ago. I had to stand my ground of not allowing my two home, and not becoming rescue grandma. I couldn’t. I had to take care of my son. The parents eventually went completely bonkers. The grands preferred to stay with their paternal grandparents. They come for visits here. They are remarkably well for all they have been through. Sorry for my rambling memories. It has been awhile since I have posted and it’s all coming out again. We tried to help our daughter get away from her abusive boyfriend, she kept bringing him back into the picture which made our home a battleground. I know victims of domestic violence need to feel supported. It can take some time before they decide to leave. So, take time to take care of yourself and think things through. It is heart wrenching to see your adult child and grandchild in this difficult spot. As one who has walked this journey, I feel for your aching heart and desire to find a remedy. There is only so much anyone of us can do, when we are dealing with adults who will do as they choose. The hardest part is the fact that the grands have no say in any of this. I had to rely a lot on prayer to get me through some very tough times. Especially the Serenity prayer. I think that works even if you are not religiously inclined. Acceptance that some things are the way they are and realizing you may not be able to fix it. One thing that really helped me was a new friend who grew up with two addicted parents and had the tough life that goes with that. She said that times she spent with her grandparents, however few and far between helped her tremendously. She remembered their kindness and normal conventional lifestyle. Take one day at a time and keep posting. The kindness and understanding from folks here is immeasurable. I have been pulled up from some very dark spots due to the wisdom and grace flowing from this site. Hang in there! (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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