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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 681966" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>That I am aware of my son has used marijuana which I do not like but has not had a problem with other drugs or alcohol. But I want to comment on detachment.</p><p></p><p>I know you did not ask me. I write this because others will come along and I want my comments to reflect what worked for us.</p><p></p><p>I believe the single thing that helped my son and I most was detaching. I was the most doting and involved of mothers. It was this that had to change. I loved my son more than I loved myself. This was not good for him. Let alone me. </p><p></p><p>I had not heard of detachment parenting until I came to this site. It made all of the difference for us.</p><p></p><p>For my son to begin to become invested in himself and develop the incentive to change, he needed to come to the point where he realized he was alone. I do not mean abandoned or rejected. I mean this: That I would not follow him to anywhere he would harm himself. That I would say no.</p><p></p><p>I believe this gave him the motivation to accept our bottom line, which was that he show us respect and that he respect himself and be productive. He is now at work remodeling a home with my SO that we bought for him to live. He seems invested in the work and the idea that he is doing for himself. This is a 180 degree turnaround.</p><p></p><p>This would not have happened had I not detached.</p><p></p><p>I know each of our situations is different, but as long as we do most of the work, as long as the motivation and the ideas come from us, I fear this train will be stuck on the track,</p><p></p><p>I believe our adult children do not need their mothers or fathers to make decisions for them or to take responsibility for their treatment.</p><p></p><p>They need themselves.</p><p></p><p>Only when they decide to invest in their changing and to put their efforts and resources into helping themselves will it work.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 681966, member: 18958"] That I am aware of my son has used marijuana which I do not like but has not had a problem with other drugs or alcohol. But I want to comment on detachment. I know you did not ask me. I write this because others will come along and I want my comments to reflect what worked for us. I believe the single thing that helped my son and I most was detaching. I was the most doting and involved of mothers. It was this that had to change. I loved my son more than I loved myself. This was not good for him. Let alone me. I had not heard of detachment parenting until I came to this site. It made all of the difference for us. For my son to begin to become invested in himself and develop the incentive to change, he needed to come to the point where he realized he was alone. I do not mean abandoned or rejected. I mean this: That I would not follow him to anywhere he would harm himself. That I would say no. I believe this gave him the motivation to accept our bottom line, which was that he show us respect and that he respect himself and be productive. He is now at work remodeling a home with my SO that we bought for him to live. He seems invested in the work and the idea that he is doing for himself. This is a 180 degree turnaround. This would not have happened had I not detached. I know each of our situations is different, but as long as we do most of the work, as long as the motivation and the ideas come from us, I fear this train will be stuck on the track, I believe our adult children do not need their mothers or fathers to make decisions for them or to take responsibility for their treatment. They need themselves. Only when they decide to invest in their changing and to put their efforts and resources into helping themselves will it work. COPA [/QUOTE]
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