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General Parenting
Crazy thoughts, needing some guidance from experienced parents!
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 570021" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Ours is a success story. My difficult child was 11 when troubles began. He started withdrawing and no one could figure out why. He couldn't go anywhere even if it meant going to get Legos. He was unable to go to school so I went with him. We didn't last the whole day. He started having medical complaints.... Not able to breath, chest pains, headaches, ect. His doctor was stumped with advise of, "umm, I don't know but I think this is anxiety. Here is Zoloft to try." I was not going to give my son Zoloft on a "I don't know, I think" so we continued on our path. With a referral to another doctor, my difficult child was told that all his concerns would be looked at however it does appear to be anxiety and was referred to a therapist. While waiting for that appointment., self harms as well as thoughts of harming others (mainly mom) started to grow. He battled those thoughts. The worst moment being his body wanted him to jump from the 3rd floor of the Mall of America. I insisted his therapist appointment get moved up. After our first visit which is an orientation that gives all our options sitting on the 5th floor with difficult child cowering because his body wanted him to jump from the windows and he was fighting the urge, we got to the car and difficult child asked to be taken to the phospital. He couldn't take it anymore. He returned to school with tools to use when his anxiety peaked. However, by this time, his very small class and school had already formed that year's bonds and difficult child felt left out. He became very angry and with a strong sense of right and wrong took it upon himself to dole out discipline to those not following rules both academically and socially. He didn't want those reactions. One of the medications he was on became a disinhibitant finding him disrespecting authority. His teachers knew him well and knew that the person he was that year was not the person he really was or wanted to be. Their faith in him helped so much. They were on his side, rooting him on and recognizing the positive goals. I am not much into discipline the way some people wanted. I do a lot of talking to explain and explore what happened and what better options there could have been. He has come now to the point that anxiety medications are working well. He is an incredible young man at 16 years old. I credit it all to him because he wanted to change. I showed him that he could be the person he wanted to be and he took all the tools given to him and worked his program well. Those super dark years I did have thoughts of a life ruined with no hope what-so-ever of not becoming a prisoner by the time he graduated. All through it, I told him that he had the power to become whatever type of person he wanted. Because you don't see your son that often, you can be a positive source in his life. Have "man to man" talks with him to find out how he handles different things in his life. Help him to look for positive outcomes of challenges he may face. Your son is facing the hard path of over coming sexual behaviors so tools he needs will be different then the ones my son needed. Since you may not have much say in therapy all you can do is support him when you do have him. Whatever time you can give to be with him will do wonders. If he can start looking forward to visits with you, maybe he will keep a line of communications open with you. I often wonder if those who do these awful acts felt they had someone to turn to or did they feel a lone in this world? I am so blessed that my son was able to confide in me or we would have had a different outcome. It is very scary those dark moments. We did have to hid sharps (at his request because of thoughts of stabbing). I hope his mom has him in therapy. I hope he takes ownership in a program to become the person he wants to be. I figured out that my son was worried about how he would support a family. I explained to him that it is a process. He was 11 years old. His years of school will make him ready, college will secure his ability. One step at a time and that is what he has done. Every kid is different. I hope you find what will work for yours.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 570021, member: 5096"] Ours is a success story. My difficult child was 11 when troubles began. He started withdrawing and no one could figure out why. He couldn't go anywhere even if it meant going to get Legos. He was unable to go to school so I went with him. We didn't last the whole day. He started having medical complaints.... Not able to breath, chest pains, headaches, ect. His doctor was stumped with advise of, "umm, I don't know but I think this is anxiety. Here is Zoloft to try." I was not going to give my son Zoloft on a "I don't know, I think" so we continued on our path. With a referral to another doctor, my difficult child was told that all his concerns would be looked at however it does appear to be anxiety and was referred to a therapist. While waiting for that appointment., self harms as well as thoughts of harming others (mainly mom) started to grow. He battled those thoughts. The worst moment being his body wanted him to jump from the 3rd floor of the Mall of America. I insisted his therapist appointment get moved up. After our first visit which is an orientation that gives all our options sitting on the 5th floor with difficult child cowering because his body wanted him to jump from the windows and he was fighting the urge, we got to the car and difficult child asked to be taken to the phospital. He couldn't take it anymore. He returned to school with tools to use when his anxiety peaked. However, by this time, his very small class and school had already formed that year's bonds and difficult child felt left out. He became very angry and with a strong sense of right and wrong took it upon himself to dole out discipline to those not following rules both academically and socially. He didn't want those reactions. One of the medications he was on became a disinhibitant finding him disrespecting authority. His teachers knew him well and knew that the person he was that year was not the person he really was or wanted to be. Their faith in him helped so much. They were on his side, rooting him on and recognizing the positive goals. I am not much into discipline the way some people wanted. I do a lot of talking to explain and explore what happened and what better options there could have been. He has come now to the point that anxiety medications are working well. He is an incredible young man at 16 years old. I credit it all to him because he wanted to change. I showed him that he could be the person he wanted to be and he took all the tools given to him and worked his program well. Those super dark years I did have thoughts of a life ruined with no hope what-so-ever of not becoming a prisoner by the time he graduated. All through it, I told him that he had the power to become whatever type of person he wanted. Because you don't see your son that often, you can be a positive source in his life. Have "man to man" talks with him to find out how he handles different things in his life. Help him to look for positive outcomes of challenges he may face. Your son is facing the hard path of over coming sexual behaviors so tools he needs will be different then the ones my son needed. Since you may not have much say in therapy all you can do is support him when you do have him. Whatever time you can give to be with him will do wonders. If he can start looking forward to visits with you, maybe he will keep a line of communications open with you. I often wonder if those who do these awful acts felt they had someone to turn to or did they feel a lone in this world? I am so blessed that my son was able to confide in me or we would have had a different outcome. It is very scary those dark moments. We did have to hid sharps (at his request because of thoughts of stabbing). I hope his mom has him in therapy. I hope he takes ownership in a program to become the person he wants to be. I figured out that my son was worried about how he would support a family. I explained to him that it is a process. He was 11 years old. His years of school will make him ready, college will secure his ability. One step at a time and that is what he has done. Every kid is different. I hope you find what will work for yours. [/QUOTE]
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