Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Creating a life of my own while worrying...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 668246" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>SeaGenie, you are in the middle of a perfect storm. I am so sorry. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Don't try to determine today what will happen in the future. You have found that he is abusing drugs so every single bit of his behavior today can be tied directly to that. When people are abusing substances, and they don't get what they want when they want it, they go beserk and pull out all the stops to try to get you to cave in. </p><p></p><p>As I have been told by multiple mental health professionals over the years, you can't know if there is anything else wrong with him until the addiction is treated and arrested. </p><p></p><p>With my Difficult Child, ALL of his behavior was tied to his drug use. Today, he is sweet, kind, polite (says thank you all the time), helpful when he comes over here (by invitation only, still) and respectful. When he was using drugs, he was like your son. </p><p></p><p>In Al-Anon, they teach not to "awfulize." Not to dwell on the absolute worst that can happen, because most of the time it doesn't, and besides what good does it do to think about that now? I know our minds go to that...I call it "playing the movie"...but ultimately it's a pointless exercise. </p><p></p><p>There is just as great a chance that something good will happen as something bad happening, down the road. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My son was the ultimate victim. Everybody and everything was out to get him. Even his teachers (every one of them...lol) in high school "hated" him and lied about him and were out to get him. Really? Absolutely stupid. </p><p></p><p>You can't evaluate what or how he thinks right now. He is under the influence and bad thinking is a part of addiction. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I so understand this. This is what it comes down to. Just hoping and praying that somehow he stays alive through all of his journey...and comes out of it on the other side. </p><p></p><p>There was a time that all I needed to know was that he was alive. I would look at Facebook and see if he had been online. It will show if a person has been online within the past xx number of hours. If I could see that, I could rest assured and go on with my day. I truly didn't want to know any more than that...where he was, what he was doing, how he was...just that he was alive. That was my prayer during those months that seemed endless.</p><p></p><p>I guess the bottom line for me finally became this: We never thought we would be in this position as mothers. We were good mothers, and we did the very best we could every day to take care of our children. Things happen, and people have their own paths and their own journeys. I can't pretend to understand any of it, except I believe addiction is genetic, and my son had the genetic background from both sides of our family. He triggered at some point, and the rest of the journey unfolded.</p><p></p><p>It was an awful six or seven years. His high school years were very hard for me, but nothing like from age 19 on. He is now 26 and he has been on a positively moving track since June 2014. I pray it continues but I know there are no guarantees. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there, and work to surrender all of this. I think cleaning out his room is a very good thing for you to do. Reclaim that space in your mind and heart and house. He is on his own path, and it's impossible to know the twists and turns that he must take before he hits the rock bottom (s) that you are praying for.</p><p></p><p>We are here for you. We so understand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 668246, member: 17542"] SeaGenie, you are in the middle of a perfect storm. I am so sorry. Don't try to determine today what will happen in the future. You have found that he is abusing drugs so every single bit of his behavior today can be tied directly to that. When people are abusing substances, and they don't get what they want when they want it, they go beserk and pull out all the stops to try to get you to cave in. As I have been told by multiple mental health professionals over the years, you can't know if there is anything else wrong with him until the addiction is treated and arrested. With my Difficult Child, ALL of his behavior was tied to his drug use. Today, he is sweet, kind, polite (says thank you all the time), helpful when he comes over here (by invitation only, still) and respectful. When he was using drugs, he was like your son. In Al-Anon, they teach not to "awfulize." Not to dwell on the absolute worst that can happen, because most of the time it doesn't, and besides what good does it do to think about that now? I know our minds go to that...I call it "playing the movie"...but ultimately it's a pointless exercise. There is just as great a chance that something good will happen as something bad happening, down the road. My son was the ultimate victim. Everybody and everything was out to get him. Even his teachers (every one of them...lol) in high school "hated" him and lied about him and were out to get him. Really? Absolutely stupid. You can't evaluate what or how he thinks right now. He is under the influence and bad thinking is a part of addiction. I so understand this. This is what it comes down to. Just hoping and praying that somehow he stays alive through all of his journey...and comes out of it on the other side. There was a time that all I needed to know was that he was alive. I would look at Facebook and see if he had been online. It will show if a person has been online within the past xx number of hours. If I could see that, I could rest assured and go on with my day. I truly didn't want to know any more than that...where he was, what he was doing, how he was...just that he was alive. That was my prayer during those months that seemed endless. I guess the bottom line for me finally became this: We never thought we would be in this position as mothers. We were good mothers, and we did the very best we could every day to take care of our children. Things happen, and people have their own paths and their own journeys. I can't pretend to understand any of it, except I believe addiction is genetic, and my son had the genetic background from both sides of our family. He triggered at some point, and the rest of the journey unfolded. It was an awful six or seven years. His high school years were very hard for me, but nothing like from age 19 on. He is now 26 and he has been on a positively moving track since June 2014. I pray it continues but I know there are no guarantees. Hang in there, and work to surrender all of this. I think cleaning out his room is a very good thing for you to do. Reclaim that space in your mind and heart and house. He is on his own path, and it's impossible to know the twists and turns that he must take before he hits the rock bottom (s) that you are praying for. We are here for you. We so understand. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Creating a life of my own while worrying...
Top