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Crippling anxiety
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 52612" data-attributes="member: 3"><p><span style='font-size: 11pt'>I noticed that some of the interventions/placements that thrilled me were met with anxiety and a little trepidation from difficult child. I was totally shocked that he wouldn't be over the moon just to be out of the present situation. It was a case of me seeing different needs from the big picture to his very real, very now need to be a kid who thinks in a very small focused picture mostly of himself. </p><p>I think the anxiety is healthy and normal. Mourning over the loss of people who were his "family" of sorts. He has grown attachments and feelings for the people who are part of his every day life. I know that feels very unsettling to me as a mother. His attachments and loyalty and emotional energy should be to his family. This is where you have to step back and realize he has a right to how he feels about those people. They will always be a part of his life experiences that don't include his bio family. You aren't a part of that. It's ok for him to miss them and to be afraid of the unknown. Heck Sue, I know a lot of adults who are just fine in their known world but ask them to come out of their comfort zone and they can't do it or freak. So asking a 16 yr old who is just finding his path out of the chaos of mental illness and behavorial instability to change what works for the unknown is a big step. </p><p>Reassure him and give him an out. I always told difficult child to give it a week/month/3 months. If it doesn't work out we will do xyz. My difficult child seemed to appreciate that he had options and a back up plan. </p><p>Teen love is pretty traumatic for easy child teens so his anxiety at being away from each other is pretty much expected. </p><p>by the way,allowing relationships within a controlled setting is a good thing. It's where they are supervised and proper boundaries can be taught and monitored. They have to know how to love their future mate and it our kids have to be taught. It's much better than him having his first love when he has no supervision. It's also healthy that he wants long term relationships.</p><p></p><p> :bravo: He is doing well. How far he came from those early years. It does my heart good to see him defy the odds. Many hugs. I don't know if what I wrote is of any use but it how I think. Let him have his feelings but love him and reassure him of what he has already accomplished. He can do this. </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 52612, member: 3"] <span style='font-size: 11pt'>I noticed that some of the interventions/placements that thrilled me were met with anxiety and a little trepidation from difficult child. I was totally shocked that he wouldn't be over the moon just to be out of the present situation. It was a case of me seeing different needs from the big picture to his very real, very now need to be a kid who thinks in a very small focused picture mostly of himself. I think the anxiety is healthy and normal. Mourning over the loss of people who were his "family" of sorts. He has grown attachments and feelings for the people who are part of his every day life. I know that feels very unsettling to me as a mother. His attachments and loyalty and emotional energy should be to his family. This is where you have to step back and realize he has a right to how he feels about those people. They will always be a part of his life experiences that don't include his bio family. You aren't a part of that. It's ok for him to miss them and to be afraid of the unknown. Heck Sue, I know a lot of adults who are just fine in their known world but ask them to come out of their comfort zone and they can't do it or freak. So asking a 16 yr old who is just finding his path out of the chaos of mental illness and behavorial instability to change what works for the unknown is a big step. Reassure him and give him an out. I always told difficult child to give it a week/month/3 months. If it doesn't work out we will do xyz. My difficult child seemed to appreciate that he had options and a back up plan. Teen love is pretty traumatic for easy child teens so his anxiety at being away from each other is pretty much expected. by the way,allowing relationships within a controlled setting is a good thing. It's where they are supervised and proper boundaries can be taught and monitored. They have to know how to love their future mate and it our kids have to be taught. It's much better than him having his first love when he has no supervision. It's also healthy that he wants long term relationships. [img]:bravo:[/img] He is doing well. How far he came from those early years. It does my heart good to see him defy the odds. Many hugs. I don't know if what I wrote is of any use but it how I think. Let him have his feelings but love him and reassure him of what he has already accomplished. He can do this. </span> [/QUOTE]
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