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Substance Abuse
Crisis after crisis.
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 652927" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Rina don't ever apologize for posting, our crisis come and go, there was a time when my entire life for years was in chaos and I needed to post often.</p><p></p><p>Since I adopted my daughter also I now see what made our situation so crazy beyond the substance abuse. We were dealing with adoption issues, abandonment, identity, rejection, displaced anger, long before the substance abuse. The drinking/pot on top of that just drove it over the edge.</p><p></p><p>We had our daughter in therapy for years trying to deal with her issues and very few therapists knew how to get through to her. I watched so many of my fellow adoptive families go through the same thing.</p><p></p><p>Of course your son does not want to get better. He is 16 and the drugs make him feel better. My daughter use to say the only time she felt normal was when she was drinking. It took years of legal problems and natural consequences for her to decide she didn't want to live that way. She would do whatever she could to,push us away as a self fulfilling prophecy. She felt she wasn't good enough for her mom to keep her so no one else would either. And she hated me the worst because it always comes back on the mom as an object for the anger. He may feel like you stole him from his mom like our daughter did. She couldn't verbalize this at the time of course. Your son is trying to hurt you because he is hurt. One therapist that did understand adoption told us our daughter was rejecting us before we could reject her.</p><p></p><p>So now you will have to come up with a plan B. Don't give up Rina. Our daughter has come through all of that and we now have a very good relationship.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 652927, member: 59"] Rina don't ever apologize for posting, our crisis come and go, there was a time when my entire life for years was in chaos and I needed to post often. Since I adopted my daughter also I now see what made our situation so crazy beyond the substance abuse. We were dealing with adoption issues, abandonment, identity, rejection, displaced anger, long before the substance abuse. The drinking/pot on top of that just drove it over the edge. We had our daughter in therapy for years trying to deal with her issues and very few therapists knew how to get through to her. I watched so many of my fellow adoptive families go through the same thing. Of course your son does not want to get better. He is 16 and the drugs make him feel better. My daughter use to say the only time she felt normal was when she was drinking. It took years of legal problems and natural consequences for her to decide she didn't want to live that way. She would do whatever she could to,push us away as a self fulfilling prophecy. She felt she wasn't good enough for her mom to keep her so no one else would either. And she hated me the worst because it always comes back on the mom as an object for the anger. He may feel like you stole him from his mom like our daughter did. She couldn't verbalize this at the time of course. Your son is trying to hurt you because he is hurt. One therapist that did understand adoption told us our daughter was rejecting us before we could reject her. So now you will have to come up with a plan B. Don't give up Rina. Our daughter has come through all of that and we now have a very good relationship. [/QUOTE]
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