Cross fingers for difficult child please

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mattsmom27, Jan 26, 2007.

  1. mattsmom27

    mattsmom27 Active Member

    difficult child has always had a problem following through with things, especially sports. He loves sports but doesn't stick it through. He did hold onto his spot on the cross country running team for 2 straight years, he loved it. Then he just up and quit, no real reason that I'm aware of. Years ago he tried Beavers (beginner Scouts) and quit half way through first year. Went to RaptorBall (a beginner basketball program run by the Toronto Raptor NBA team through a special program). Lasted 2 sessions and quit. This was many many years ago. Then there was soccer, 3 practices, quit before first game.
    Last year he joined basketball team and was sticking with it but was kicked off team for bad attitude, horrible effort at academics (despite maintaining allright grades)and multiple suspensions, eventually at year end he was expelled.
    This year he is nearly easy child behaviour wise at school, but his grades are lowest of his life (he was failing as of moving back home in Oct/Nov. He has managed to slightly pull his grades up and he is trying, although nowhere near the effort he is capable of.
    He made the basketball team and shows no intention/desire to quit. He is very excited. He has a g/f at school, she is the "popular girl" of the grade 8 students. Being a JK-8 school this makes him "cool" via his going out with the cool girl of the graduating class. But he has made zero friends outside of her. She has a huge group of friends. He will not stay for lunch break, he walks home even in -36 weather for lunch, a 15 minute walk both ways, leaving about 10 minutes to eat, warm up and go back. She hangs out with friends and he doesnt want to for some reason make ANY friends. I don't understand it. Teacher told me other kids are confused. difficult child is not rude to the other students, they go out of their way to befriend him, talk with him, etc but he just finds a way to walk off without rudeness. Won't engage.
    He has made a friend now through the basketball team. His team is undefeated in our district so far. He made 14 points in his last game. He had a person from the provincial boys basketball team (equivelant of State teams in the US) approach him and 2 other boys on the team and ask them to try out for the team this summer. He was pretty psyched about it. This weekend is a big tournament. Unfortunatly another player on the team he played Thurs. p.m. shoved him backwards mid jump to make a shot and he would have fallen flat on his back so he braced himself with his hand/arm behind him. Hurt his wrist. So tonight he was to play in the first night of the tournament and he was unable. The coach called after the first game (from home to boot, in between games, guess he was home for dinner) and asked him to please come for second game at 9p.m. and he'd check out his wrist. difficult child went with my blessing, telling him I trust his coach to not play him if he couldn't risk the wrist, and that it would be nice to support his team anyhow. He ended up only playing one quarter due to the wrist being still a bit tender. They won again. He has 3 more games tomorrow and his wrist is much better. If he wins he will go to finals tomorrow evening and later in the evening championship game. The way the teams are in "pools" it is a pretty good guess his team will win their pool. I think they will make the championship game. He is very excited, couldn't sleep. Turns out the Provincial coach came to the tournament too and talked to difficult child and the other two boys on his team again. He has also been asked to go out for a team called CAN Stars (CAN=Canadian). He would get to play across the province as well as a few tournaments in NY State and possibly Pennsyvania.
    Please keep your fingers crossed difficult child sticks with this. He is doing so well and like I said, has made friends with one boy. The boy's parents dropped him home after the game tonight and will bring him home from out of town games he plays (I have no car). He had his first non g/f phone call since moving home today!!!! I think this is going to really help difficult child's self esteem boost back up again, also this a new school due to expulsion so these kids don't know difficult child's history. He has a chance to have a new start. Also this is a new district for him, making it a different high school in Sept than if he'd been living in our old neighbourhood (and also grandmonsters neighbourhood). SO the kids he knew "then" who also saw him at his worst, will not be at this high school, it will be the kids in his current school who just see difficult child as the quiet kid who is dating the cool girl (haha).
    I can't wait to go watch difficult child do well tomorrow, win or lose, at his tournament. Now i have to get him to sleep, it is after 1a.m.and he keeps turning his light on to read "just one more chapter". He is excited. He told me it is like the feeling on Christmas eve knowing tomorrow is Christmas (lol)

    So all, fingers crossed for a difficult child who could really use something good and healthy in his life??????

  2. kris

    kris New Member

    <font color="brown">if he doesn't have one already i'd get him a for you & little sis too in case you get to go with. you can't cross the boarder anymore with-o one.

    sounds like he's found his niche.

    kris </font>
  3. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member


    Fingers crossed for the tournament, but more importantly, that he sticks with it. Sports can be a wonderful avenue for self-esteem and making friends.

    As for the passport, kris, you don't need one to cross the borders via car until next year. That only applies to air or ship travel, I believe.

    Good luck in the tournament, Melissa's difficult child !

  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Good luck wishes to difficult child. Let me know if you end up in the Buffalo/Rochester area. I'm fairly close by. by the way, Deb is right. No passports needed when crossing by car until 2008.
  5. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    I'll keep my fingers crossed for him.

    It sounds like things are going well for him. It's great that he is getting a new start in a new school with new friends. I wouldn't worry so much about the amount of friends he has. If it isn't bothering him, he probably is content the way things are.

    Good news.
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey Melissa,

    Great for difficult child! Starting new is a good thing. I hope he sticks with it. He will eventually find his niche and make some buddies. Sounds like things are going really well.

  7. On_Call

    On_Call New Member


    Crossing my fingers, and everything else, that this is the thing that clicks with your difficult child and he sticks with it! Sounds like this is a positive start!
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I am glad your son is doing well. I hope this is something he sticks with. Often sports are sife-savers for troubled kids. I sort of understand your son going slow with making friends. he has been through alot and is probably having a hard time trusting people not to hurt him. Give him time. -RM
  9. lordhelpme

    lordhelpme New Member

    best wishes for him and his team!
  10. mattsmom27

    mattsmom27 Active Member

    Thank you all. His team won this afternoon, they are going to the final game at 6p.m. I don't know why the coach set difficult child up for such disappointment. He played him just a bit last night for their games, giving his wrist a chance to rest a big more. difficult child is considered a "starter" meaning there are the main boys who play most of the game. He was on the bench this entire game. He asked half way through the game if he was going to get to play. The coach said "we'll see". At the end of the game, the coach said smile Matt, you should be happier (because they won again, they are undefeated all season now). difficult child half smiled and asked if he was going to get to play in the final game tonight. Again the response was "we'll see". I am disappointed in this coach today. difficult child was going to sit out the entire tournament if he had to for his wrist. It was the coach and him who decided his wrist was good to go and he could play, limiting it last night to ensure he would do well today up against the harder teams. difficult child was good to go this morning, wrist not bothering him much at all. At some point the coach asked for a doctors note. Well coach: first you never asked for one LAST NIGHT when you phoned my son at home from your home to make sure he came to the evening games (he had skipped the afternoon game, as he was told he was out for the tournament). difficult child had left his gear in his locker at school and the coach even drove to difficult child's school at night to pick up the gear out of difficult child's locker from him and brought it to the location for the tournament. He never mentioned it after the game last night which he did play difficult child for part of the game.
    So difficult child who was on cloud nine all night and all morning is very discouraged. I tried to rally him and encourage him to attend tonight and if the coach decides to bench him at least he is supporting his team. difficult child says he doesn't want to watch the team win a big tournament and recieve a award for winning when he wasn't even allowed on the court. He is pretty angry with the coach, he says he feels lied to. I feel for him as he was resigned to sitting out this tournament until the coach said otherwise yesterday and he got so excited. Now he is refusing to attend tonight (so far anyhow, we have a few hours to hope he changes his mind) and says he is going to tell the coach that he is quitting on Monday morning. I understand difficult child's disappointment, but I don't want to see him quitting this team. He is resistent to influence at this point, I'm hoping a couple of hours back home here will calm down his anger and frustration and he will be willing to listen to reason and attend tonight. I won't "force him" as it will end up with him blowing up at the coach if the coach keeps saying "we'll see" and then doesn't play him. What a crappy situation overall. Especially because the coach is aware of difficult child's issues, his history, how hard he has worked to improve his behaviours, etc. The coach knows how important this team is to difficult child. Now I could understand if there really was concern over the injured wrist, but truly it was sore from the fall but it is fine now and the coach could obviously see that when the kids were doing warmup.
    *sigh* Going to be a heck of a disappointed difficult child if he quits this team. I can't see him going out for high school teams at all if this team experience isnt good. The high school pool at tryouts is far larger and with alot of experienced players etc and difficult child was already nervous. If he isn't playing and boosting confidence this year, no way he's going to try out next year in high school.

    Melissa ... feeling bruised for difficult child