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Cultivating Relationships with difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 484697" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>It was impossible to try any sort of relationship building with difficult child 1 once he hit his teen years. I was completely worn out from the constant chaos, violent outbursts, verbal abuse, lying, stealing etc., etc., etc.... The sad part was that you could see how much he enjoyed making everyone miserable from the look on his face. Honestly, all I wanted was for him to become an adult so I could throw him out of my house.</p><p></p><p>husband and I found him an apartment, co-signed the lease, and moved him out several months after his 18th birthday. It was the best decision we ever made. Once difficult child 1 was living on his own, our relationship improved. Although it had to be on his terms, and always will have to be on his terms, we've gotten closer. I had been hurt too many times by him and decided that if he wanted to see me, he would have to make the first move. I was shocked that the following year he called to take me out for Mother's Day breakfast, just me and him. He even remembered my birthday! </p><p></p><p>He's been living on his own for about 2.5 years. Our relationship has it's ups and downs. We've shared some special moments and had a few long heart-to heart conversations. I'm learning to accept him for who he is and try really hard not to expect too much from him. When it comes to maintaining contact with me, he runs hot and cold. I'm not even sure if he'll call me on Christmas. This hurts.</p><p></p><p>I'm grateful that at least, for now, he seems to be happy and doing well. I'm hoping that as he matures, our relationship will continue to grow. Underneath it all, his heart is in the right place and I'll always love him and have a special place for him in my heart - He is my firstborn. SFR</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 484697, member: 3388"] It was impossible to try any sort of relationship building with difficult child 1 once he hit his teen years. I was completely worn out from the constant chaos, violent outbursts, verbal abuse, lying, stealing etc., etc., etc.... The sad part was that you could see how much he enjoyed making everyone miserable from the look on his face. Honestly, all I wanted was for him to become an adult so I could throw him out of my house. husband and I found him an apartment, co-signed the lease, and moved him out several months after his 18th birthday. It was the best decision we ever made. Once difficult child 1 was living on his own, our relationship improved. Although it had to be on his terms, and always will have to be on his terms, we've gotten closer. I had been hurt too many times by him and decided that if he wanted to see me, he would have to make the first move. I was shocked that the following year he called to take me out for Mother's Day breakfast, just me and him. He even remembered my birthday! He's been living on his own for about 2.5 years. Our relationship has it's ups and downs. We've shared some special moments and had a few long heart-to heart conversations. I'm learning to accept him for who he is and try really hard not to expect too much from him. When it comes to maintaining contact with me, he runs hot and cold. I'm not even sure if he'll call me on Christmas. This hurts. I'm grateful that at least, for now, he seems to be happy and doing well. I'm hoping that as he matures, our relationship will continue to grow. Underneath it all, his heart is in the right place and I'll always love him and have a special place for him in my heart - He is my firstborn. SFR [/QUOTE]
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