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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 384201" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Jo,</p><p></p><p>We have been told by therapists that difficult child does not have resilience and that's a big part of the reason that her self esteem is so low and she can't bounce back when she has a disappointment or loss. I am aware how important resilience is so I can only hope somehow through therapy and her treatment plan she learns some skills that can compensate.</p><p></p><p><em>When gfg17 was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) we were told in a family meeting "We wish we had ten of him." That alone made me want to run screaming from the room.</em> </p><p></p><p>Every Sunday when we went to family day at the rehab everywhere we went we had staff tell us how wonderful difficult child was. The administrator himself told us how she was so different than the others and husband and I looked at each other and thought she must either be a multiple personality or the staff were all idiots. They were seeing a completely different person than her counselor or peer group. The same day they were singing her praises, the counselor was telling us how the group confronted her about her vulgar language and promiscuous behavior with all of the men there. </p><p></p><p>I think you're right about the cunning and charming stuff being part of attachment.</p><p></p><p>The past couple days have been iffy. While she's not drinking she hasn't been going to meetings and she has become attached to a 17 year old "boy" who looks like he's 12. She met him at the young people's AA club and lied about hanging out with him the other day. She wouldn't answer my phone calls and of course I figured we were back to square one. She finally did call and apologize and ask me to pick them up at the shake shop so I could meet him. When he got in the car I looked at her and said, you've got to be kidding. I mean I almost laughed in his face. He proceeded to tell me he's been sober for two years and he knows all about rehab since he was in it 4 times and his parents had to pay $2,000. I told him she wasn't following her program since she's been hanging with him and he said she had no program yet until she got into the Big Book. And when I told him she was not suppose to get into a relationship for a year after treatment he said the Big books doesn't say that and his sponsor said it was ok. I wanted to leap across the counter and shake him until his eyeballs fell out but instead told him with all due respect you are a 17 year old boy and know nothing about what she or we have been through and she certainly does have a program to follow that we are paying $400 a week for and his 4 times in rehab was really 4 times in a 5 day detox center and $2,000 was a drop in the bucket to what we spent and we were not willing to let that go down the drain over him.</p><p></p><p>She is still so vulnerable and ready to attach to any guy who shows attention to her. Just three weeks ago she was in love with a 27 year old crack addict in rehab, then when she came home she tried to beg her ex to get back with her, and today she is in love with a 17 year old boy she met 5 days ago. She has a lot of Borderline (BPD) traits to work on.</p><p></p><p>But I think today we pulled her out of whatever bad place she was in and got her into a better place. She went to a meeting tonight and is going to one tomorrow afternoon before work. She said she did her homework for IOP. It's so hard to always have to pull her back up and get her on the right path again, save her from her self destructive ways. She is trying but it is sooo hard for her to maintain that good place. I wish she could get resilience.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 384201, member: 59"] Jo, We have been told by therapists that difficult child does not have resilience and that's a big part of the reason that her self esteem is so low and she can't bounce back when she has a disappointment or loss. I am aware how important resilience is so I can only hope somehow through therapy and her treatment plan she learns some skills that can compensate. [I]When gfg17 was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) we were told in a family meeting "We wish we had ten of him." That alone made me want to run screaming from the room.[/I] Every Sunday when we went to family day at the rehab everywhere we went we had staff tell us how wonderful difficult child was. The administrator himself told us how she was so different than the others and husband and I looked at each other and thought she must either be a multiple personality or the staff were all idiots. They were seeing a completely different person than her counselor or peer group. The same day they were singing her praises, the counselor was telling us how the group confronted her about her vulgar language and promiscuous behavior with all of the men there. I think you're right about the cunning and charming stuff being part of attachment. The past couple days have been iffy. While she's not drinking she hasn't been going to meetings and she has become attached to a 17 year old "boy" who looks like he's 12. She met him at the young people's AA club and lied about hanging out with him the other day. She wouldn't answer my phone calls and of course I figured we were back to square one. She finally did call and apologize and ask me to pick them up at the shake shop so I could meet him. When he got in the car I looked at her and said, you've got to be kidding. I mean I almost laughed in his face. He proceeded to tell me he's been sober for two years and he knows all about rehab since he was in it 4 times and his parents had to pay $2,000. I told him she wasn't following her program since she's been hanging with him and he said she had no program yet until she got into the Big Book. And when I told him she was not suppose to get into a relationship for a year after treatment he said the Big books doesn't say that and his sponsor said it was ok. I wanted to leap across the counter and shake him until his eyeballs fell out but instead told him with all due respect you are a 17 year old boy and know nothing about what she or we have been through and she certainly does have a program to follow that we are paying $400 a week for and his 4 times in rehab was really 4 times in a 5 day detox center and $2,000 was a drop in the bucket to what we spent and we were not willing to let that go down the drain over him. She is still so vulnerable and ready to attach to any guy who shows attention to her. Just three weeks ago she was in love with a 27 year old crack addict in rehab, then when she came home she tried to beg her ex to get back with her, and today she is in love with a 17 year old boy she met 5 days ago. She has a lot of Borderline (BPD) traits to work on. But I think today we pulled her out of whatever bad place she was in and got her into a better place. She went to a meeting tonight and is going to one tomorrow afternoon before work. She said she did her homework for IOP. It's so hard to always have to pull her back up and get her on the right path again, save her from her self destructive ways. She is trying but it is sooo hard for her to maintain that good place. I wish she could get resilience. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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