custody question

[Shari]

Following Step's drama, I've noticed some of you are well-versed in legalese. The threads have me thinking.
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husband's daughter (easy child 2) is 12. For the past 3 years she has told anyone who will listen that she wants to spend more time at our house but her mom won't let her. When we have asked, she says she would like to be at her mom's when her step-siblings are there, and at our house the rest of the time. Her step-dad has 50/50 custody of the steps.
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We probably have enough garbage against the woman with denial to get tutoring, counseling, etc, to show a bit of a change in circumstances, but it would be a fight, I'm sure.
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Someone mentioned having the daughter file the motion to modify based on her own wants. Would that apply in this case? And how do you go about it? Hire her the lawyer and let it go from there? Does she need to have a "next friend" involved instead of us?

 

[totoro]

I don't know how it works legally, but when we were deciding to take us completely away from my Dad and not getting into his drug use etc.
My Mom and future Adopted Dad told him they wouldn't bring it all up and the Judge spoke to me in his private chambers.
My Mom coerced me on what to say at the time though, which was not the truth.
I told the judge I wanted to be with only my Mom and all of the reasons.
It worked. I was only 5.

 

[AnnieO]

I would have your husband talk to his lawyer regarding a change of circumstance, i.e, that the daughter is mature enough to deicde for herself, with the main request being that the daughter be allowed to speak with the judge or magistrate herself.

Unfortunately, slinging garbage may be satisfying, and truthful, but it doesn't work. All of the negatives we've heard/seen/found in the last few years, we try to spin as not negatives for her but positives for husband. We don't always succeed. Sometimes it's just too awful.

And here? I rant about the negatives. Gotta get it out somehow!

 

[witzend]

You would have husband (he's the legal "party" involved) file based upon an affidavit that supports the motion. The surest way would be to have a therapist meet with everyone to make a recommendation. If biomom won't cooperate, that just makes her look bad. Just be sure that there's no bitterness involved when you talk to the therapist, and that it is approached as "the best interests of the child". Her statement that she likes to be there when her steps are there is really a good avenue to take. It shows she's interested in maintaining the familial relationship.

 

[AnnieO]

What witz said!

 

[Shari]

That was my "alterior" motive for pushing the counseling. Despite the fact that it was recommended by easy child 2's physician THREE YEARS ago...her mom finally allowed us to get her into counseling about 5 months ago - if we take her and pay for it, which we are.

But this is part of the reason I've kept on the issue. I figure a therapist can help in this matter, too.

It seems bio-mom's mom is not paying her way quite as much as she has in the past...bio-mom is actually having to buy easy child 2's school supplies herself this year (first time EVER). So it might be, also, that the therapist could mediate a bit, as bio-mom may not be able to fight in court. And pro se, for her, would be disasterous. She can't talk to husband to this day without screaming about the past...there's no way she could maintain her composure in a courtroom with just her and him and a judge.