Cybersex

buddy

New Member
I love that you are being careful with your wording. That can't be easy after such a big shock. Just a thought. If this was my child, he would never be able to do homework AFTER being talked to because he might be embarassed, defensive, obsessive, etc. Maybe wait till after he does his homework, then have the talk???

I think once you let him know, you will need to explain that since he is a child, it is your JOB to protect him. So, to do that you are going to have to monitor his use of the internet. You will have parent protection passwords and software installed (people here use different kinds, it is your choice, I use Norton Family Online-it is free and you do not need to buy the norton anti-virus package to have it) that will let you know each site he is on and when he tries to get into a site that is not appropriate, a notice will be sent to your email. Be prepared for him to be really mad at you because he will be caught, and upset at a HUGE change in his activities (if you know what I mean). He may get aggressive. Let him know that if he is aggressive, you may need to say NO internet for a day. As long a he rebuilds his trust you will let him use the internet, if he breaks the trust, then the internet will not be available.

This is just how I do this stuff. If it doesn't work for you of course do what does. Other moms here who have been thru this will likely have much more wise suggestions! Keep the questions coming!
 

Crystal72

New Member
I used norton too but he is doing on Facebook even I blocked access to 18 and above.
The minute he has the computer he will know cos I changed the password on Facebook and his email account.
I rather let him know than he found it out and uses it as anger.
I m not sure what his response or reaction world be?
Not sure if he would feel uncomfortable cos he is aspie.
I might offer him that if he has curiosity about sex and not comfortable asking, he can write to me.
As I m typing this, he is asking for his computer and wouldn't take it when I say after dinner. Cos, he has a date with that GIRL.
 

Crystal72

New Member
As expected. Full blown aggression. Used total humiliated words on dad saying things like you shut up I don't even see you here. You can just be as transparent as I see you as.
I basically told him that I found out about it and it's illegal and inappropriate and before we found out a better way, if he require to use the computer, he would need to do it in front of me.

So it's just banging throwing things, going to sister room to ransack while I reinstall norton parental control
 
L

Liahona

Guest
I think you're doing the right thing. Supporting you 100%. I know sometimes its scary and hard to stick with a decision when they are so mad.
 

buddy

New Member
my son can be really aggressive too. I know that is just awful to go through. I am sorry but you did the right thing obviously. He is too little to make a choice like that. I was actually at my friends house when her Aspie got busted, we had to use his computer for a second because mom's wasn't working. she clicked on the history and there it was! so they had the talk too...he too was humiliated. She only lets him use the computer at the dining room table now. I had to do it because my son will give our number out to anyone to order free catalogs like for cars and parts....I also have locks on the tv because you can order things on home shopping without a credit card..just click OK! He ordered over $800 dollars once, a green sweater anotehr time and jewelry...each time after the first was because there was a power outage or the cable had changed in some way so I didn't see that he locks didn't reset. I am sure at some point something will pop up and he will work his way to something inappropriate...my nephew did a google search for boobs on his ipod. These impulsive kids are really tricky
Hang tough, you are not alone. He may be worried you are saying he can't pleasure himself anymore and that may be too much to take. When hubby gets a chance he can have a man to man.
 

Crystal72

New Member
My husband can't handle it. He tries but he just can't so most of the times he lives in his tv world when he is home,
This morning my aspie wakes up calm and nice. After he took his medication and wash up. I gave him a hug and told him I love him and I will do anything for him but we need to talk about it and not just let anger takes over. We are a family, we can work it out.
He said yes but I m not sure.
I am actually fine if he needs to pleasure himself but privately,I m fine even if he watches porn but he needs to understands the reality too.
 

keista

New Member
Crystal, you might be fine with it, but the reality is that it is illegal for him, and can open a huge can of worms. Suggestions that were made to me when my son was going through it were getting lingerie magazines/catalogs and leave them "lying around". I don't know if National Geographic still puts out a magazine, (I looked at Dad's collection when I was a teen) but that's an option. Buy some "coffee table" type books. The kind with big artsy pics. Find one that has some nudes in it. It can be argued that it's the same thing, but in my opinion it really isn't. At least this way you control the actual material he views, but he can still get the stimulation he needs.

I did not follow through with any of these because my son ceased his viewing "addiction" before I could, but have been considering one of these lately because it's been over a year since he took a "long shower". Doesn't mean he's stopped "treating himself" but it is an indicator. Reality is that that is a good way of releasing frustrations, and as his frustrations build, I wonder.
 

Crystal72

New Member
Well, I understand what you mean. What I am trying to say is more like I wouldn't be as shock as finding out what he is doing compare to the usual stuff like treating himself or watching porn.
Not that I m going to tell him yes I don't mind you watching porn ..
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
Crystal - for a long time my hubby stuck his head in the sand, too.

He may not be the #1 bad guy, but he DOES need to back you up. Does he do this?
 

Crystal72

New Member
No. I would rather he not correct me in front of the kids. Like last night. Aspie ds took the laptop downstairs and I warned him that he is not allowed to and aspie responded he was going to pick up the bag. I say, your laptop bag was just here and my husband jumped in and say, no the bag was not
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
No, no, not what I meant - back you up - when you discipline, he agrees with you. And vice versa, you agree when he disciplines. Best if you can work that out BEFORE, but that's not always an option, sometimes you have to discuss it later if you didn't agree... Consistency is important.

Y'all have to be on the same page... Or things will erode between you two, as well. That was the worst part of dealing with Onyxx... My marriage darn near ended 2 years ago.
 

Crystal72

New Member
I investigated more deeper into that Facebook account of my 11 years old aspie. Found notes from his school mates threatening to beat him up and making racist remarks about him and our family. My son told her to stop and she continued using vulgarity and racist remark and says if xxx doesn't beat you up like he says he is going to, I will pay someone to beat you up.
I feel so sad that our kids has social disabilities and in order for him to get friends, he had to endure these. Protect his friends whO hurtled him.

Anyone came across bullies?
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
I feel so sad that our kids has social disabilities and in order for him to get friends, he had to endure these.

Those aren't friends. We had a similar situation with Jett, and are still working on it. He should NEVER HAVE TO ENDURE BULLYING TO MAKE "FRIENDS".

BUT - if these are schoolmates - the school needs to be made aware, as do parents. No one can do anything if they don't know.
 

Crystal72

New Member
She is a school mate cos they talk about classes. She says things like he is a nerd that never had girlfriend and nobody likes him.
Those remarks were made in June 2011. Would it be still valid to report to school?
My aspie would be ****** cos he feels I made his friends hate him
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
It wouldn't hurt to give them a heads-up that it might still be going on... And if he's angry, he's angry. Fact is, they are NOT his friends. :sigh: I wish it wasn't so hard for our kids to make and keep real friends...
 

buddy

New Member
HUGS Crystal. Sorry your husband is not backing you up on parenting decisions. That must be especially hard because your child has Autism and needs consistency and a strong team to parent him. I am sure that is a lonely thing too. I hope once this issue settles a little bit you and your son can have some better moments together. IT is hard to have your child act out and seem like they are so mad and disrespectful. Even if you know why it is hard not to take it personally. Keep working on things and stay strong. We are here for you.
 

Crystal72

New Member
Thanks. Honestly, without the supports I got here, I wouldn't be still sane.
There are times I thought death is the only solution cos I have two boys with the spectrum and no resources. Now finally I m starting to get services.
 

Crystal72

New Member
Sometimes I don't understand what my husband is thinking
I was told repeatedly that man doesn't like to feel helpless and when there is a situation that they don't know how to fit,they choose to escape into something they are capable of.
The day when I told him we need to talk to our aspie about the issue.,,he choose to go to the mall to help his coworker pick up an order that he knew wasn't here ( you get an email or text to tell you it's there).
Yesterday when I told him I would be roasting beef and expecting him home regular hour...and he decided to go pick up the order and lie to me that it was traffic
I am so sick of all his lies..I am cope in the house the whole day,school,doctors,services,paperworks,house chores,blah blah blah.... And he can't even understand.
I am so exhausted...
 
Top