d/h never came home last night

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by guest3, Jul 22, 2007.

  1. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    d/h never came home last night

  2. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    yup passed out at a friends, why I expect the courtesy of a phone call after 15 years of this I do not know!
  3. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Thank goodness he is at a friends and not in a worse place.

    Myself and husband do not drink. Rarely. He is a mean person when he drinks. As he decided to do a few weeks ago. What he told me was he was going to the store. When he didn't come back I thought something happened so I called. He said he was at the store walking around. Then he said he WAS at the store and ran into a buddy from work. Then he said somebody from work had this party at the bar after work.
    Never mentioned it before he left. Never asked me to go. But, I wouldn't expect that much. We haven't gone out together since difficult child was born. He went to his Christmas party one year and never even told me! Atleast I ask him to go to my Christmas party. He says no, but I ask.

    sorry, off subject. I don't know how you can deal with it for 15 years. Once is enough for me.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    You asking him to leave may be the best thing for him. It might help him hit bottom faster. Alcoholics don't get help until and unless they have hit bottom. If he keeps getting to come home after being stupid like that, he is not hitting bottom.

    Jut a thought.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Living with an alcoholic is hard, to say the least.

    husband has been "banned" from drinking since he decided to rage at Travis when the boy was 8. (he'd just crossed his path) He had his choice, Us or his Beer. husband chose us. There was no slipping on husband's part cuz I can smell alcohol a mile away, no matter what is done to cover it up. I meant what I said, husband was smart enough to realize it. Putting up with someone who drank himself into a stupor most nights was bad enough, but there was no way I was going to tolerate a violent raging drunk in my home.

    I have to agree with BBK. The only way your husband is going to hit bottom is if you let him land there. With the condition of his parents, and his reaction to it, I'd say you're in for a much rockier ride ahead.

    I can't tell you what you should do, nor will I. But if it were me, I'd sit down and try to take an objective look at the situation. Can you continue to live this way? Will you be able to tolerate it probably becoming much worse with his parent's health problems?

    If you haven't done so already, you might want to get involved with Al-anon. They are a huge help to families of alcoholics.

  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh - Big HUGS!!!!!!!!!!! I have been there done that, and there is nothing worse. I mean - sitting around wondering where you mate is for hours on end is mental torture, especially when you know illegal activity is probably going on. I used to just sit there and dial one hospital after another, and then move onto the jails. (This was back when I was younger and naive.)

    He might not make it through this thing with his Dad and Mom without completely self destructing, and if that is the case, I would certainly only do what is in the best interest of you and your family. They are your first priority.

    Hang in there..........
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I am sorry for the life you have to go thru. it is hard esp when you love them.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{hugs}}} Currently, my H is 7 months sober and hanging in there. The final straw for me was in December when he was heavily drinking and controlling and yelling a lot and being downright mean to everyone in his path. I had detached, but forgot that difficult child hasn't quite grasped that yet so she got caught in the crossfire and wound up in a bad place. Then she discovered porn (a no-no around here) on his computer completely by accident, which threw her into a tailspin. I threw him out and told him not to bother coming back unless he was willing to get the help he needed. Initially, he did but he's been white knuckling it since February. He recently started drinking non-alcoholic beer. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop as I feel that drinking non-alcoholic beer is his first step towards drinking alcohol again. I realize it's hard for him, especially in the summer when everyone else is partying hardy, but he is supposed to be getting help via AA or a private counselor. That he's not making that effort spells trouble to me.

    Self preservation comes first dear, and although it hurts like heck, I'm glad you're considering throwing him out. He needs to hit bottom and know that he's risking not only his life, but the loss of his family in the process. I hope he gets help. Hang in there and know that you're doing the right thing by your family. Hugs~