daralex
Clinging onto my sanity
My dad and I have not spoken in over 10 years (with good justification in my head anyway) After 25 years I moved back to my old stomping ground. We even decided that we hate it here (which is why it's been 25 years!) and are moving AGAIN next April. So as fate would have it my father (he's 72) has an inoperable brain tumor and is not doing very well. They say it is very large and very advanced. They are waiting for pathology results - but it looks very grave. I occasionally speak with my mother ( 1-2 times every 2 years!) and have a decent relationship with my brother (small family - that's it)
I know I should be feeling something but I'm just not.
I told my mother that difficult child wanted to see my father and that if she thought it would help I would come by as well.
So father says - NO - doesn't want to see me. I actually think I'm ok with that and feel guilty for feeling that way. I will still try to get difficult child over there for her sake.
But how ironic that I'm gone for more than 2 decades and he gets deathly ill while I'm here. That will teach me to move back here again! What was I thinking?!
Ever think you are supposed to feel bad and don't? Does it make me crazy and mean?
I always wondered how I would feel if this happened and quite frankly I almost feel nothing.
-Dara
I know I should be feeling something but I'm just not.
I told my mother that difficult child wanted to see my father and that if she thought it would help I would come by as well.
So father says - NO - doesn't want to see me. I actually think I'm ok with that and feel guilty for feeling that way. I will still try to get difficult child over there for her sake.
But how ironic that I'm gone for more than 2 decades and he gets deathly ill while I'm here. That will teach me to move back here again! What was I thinking?!
Ever think you are supposed to feel bad and don't? Does it make me crazy and mean?
I always wondered how I would feel if this happened and quite frankly I almost feel nothing.
-Dara