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"Daily Terror", or "difficult children and The Joy of PTSD..."
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 8387" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>[ QUOTE ]</p><p>Sorry you are seeing these things about M, but unless you want to report it to somebody, maybe you shouldn't read it. it's only going to make you sadder and harder for you to detatch.</p><p></p><p>[/ QUOTE ]</p><p></p><p>If I ever saw something that was illegal, I would report it in a heartbeat. In the meantime, I know that M is working, has a place to live, and food to eat. I wouldn't know that if I didn't check from time to time.</p><p></p><p>[ QUOTE ]</p><p>i think the others are right.....you would be better off not reading M's my space. you get upset every time you do.</p><p></p><p>[/ QUOTE ]</p><p></p><p>I think you are mis-remembering. I have never posted that I was upset about his "MySpace" stuff, and other than you and Karen (who <em>does</em> check her daughter's page, and suggested I stop only if I don't follow through with the law when appropriate), no one else said I should stop. Most said they do too, or if they can't tolerate it they have someone else checking for them. No one wants to do that for me, and I wouldn't ask anyone to.</p><p></p><p>I did post once that he says he parties a lot and that was something he didn't used to do so far as I knew. I also posted that he was working and where, had an apartment, and I had found a phone number for him. I smoked pot every day for 12 years and I didn't turn out so badly after all. Given my current lot in life, I wouldn't change a thing in my past, good or bad, if I had to give up anything that I have now. I have faith that M can change too. It's the not knowing that's killer. I'm not going to turn him in for smoking dope if there's no reason to believe that it causes him to act out. Besides, in the neighborhood he is in the cops would laugh in my face if that was the worse thing I could say about a kid.</p><p></p><p>[ QUOTE ]</p><p>maybe it's time to stop tracking him.</p><p></p><p>[/ QUOTE ] </p><p></p><p>I know that this may not be what you are used to in your home, because you have contact with your kids and what is now a good relationship with them. But for me, I wouldn't have a clue about him if I didn't check. I'm not "tracking" or "stalking" or anything of the sort. I'm checking occassionally to make sure he's safe and I can find him. Sometimes I see that he is still being stupid. And if I didn't check, instead of knowing that he's being stupid and posing with guns or getting high - while he works and pays rent - I would be worried every time I hear the news stories where the unidentified white male with brown hair and a shaggy beard did some horrifically stupid or violent thing. I check his MySpace once or twice a month, see he's still partying and barely getting by, see he hasn't moved, see he's still working at the 7-11 and set my mind at ease.</p><p></p><p>If you read what I wrote, I'm not that upset about the MySpace, I'm upset by the news and the not knowing. Like most of us are upset about ringing telephones or sirens. Do I like the picture? No. Is anyone else watching out for my kid? No. Would I have him or his friends arrested if I thought there was evidence that he was committing violent crimes or vandalism? In a heartbeat. Would anyone else he knows do that? No. So, thanks for the advice, but until you have walked a mile in my shoes or taken my particular situation into account, it sounds a little judgmental. </p><p></p><p>Just because M has written us off doesn't mean that I have written him off, or that when I see something stupid in his life I don't get to comment on it because I choose to not actually involve myself in it. I come here for support just like everyone else. I don't know of anyone who has successfully removed themselves from their kid's drama as much as husband and I have. I haven't spoken to him or interfered with him in any way in over two years. If I want to comment on his dumbness a few times a year, I think I should be allowed to do so.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 8387, member: 99"] [ QUOTE ] Sorry you are seeing these things about M, but unless you want to report it to somebody, maybe you shouldn't read it. it's only going to make you sadder and harder for you to detatch. [/ QUOTE ] If I ever saw something that was illegal, I would report it in a heartbeat. In the meantime, I know that M is working, has a place to live, and food to eat. I wouldn't know that if I didn't check from time to time. [ QUOTE ] i think the others are right.....you would be better off not reading M's my space. you get upset every time you do. [/ QUOTE ] I think you are mis-remembering. I have never posted that I was upset about his "MySpace" stuff, and other than you and Karen (who [i]does[/i] check her daughter's page, and suggested I stop only if I don't follow through with the law when appropriate), no one else said I should stop. Most said they do too, or if they can't tolerate it they have someone else checking for them. No one wants to do that for me, and I wouldn't ask anyone to. I did post once that he says he parties a lot and that was something he didn't used to do so far as I knew. I also posted that he was working and where, had an apartment, and I had found a phone number for him. I smoked pot every day for 12 years and I didn't turn out so badly after all. Given my current lot in life, I wouldn't change a thing in my past, good or bad, if I had to give up anything that I have now. I have faith that M can change too. It's the not knowing that's killer. I'm not going to turn him in for smoking dope if there's no reason to believe that it causes him to act out. Besides, in the neighborhood he is in the cops would laugh in my face if that was the worse thing I could say about a kid. [ QUOTE ] maybe it's time to stop tracking him. [/ QUOTE ] I know that this may not be what you are used to in your home, because you have contact with your kids and what is now a good relationship with them. But for me, I wouldn't have a clue about him if I didn't check. I'm not "tracking" or "stalking" or anything of the sort. I'm checking occassionally to make sure he's safe and I can find him. Sometimes I see that he is still being stupid. And if I didn't check, instead of knowing that he's being stupid and posing with guns or getting high - while he works and pays rent - I would be worried every time I hear the news stories where the unidentified white male with brown hair and a shaggy beard did some horrifically stupid or violent thing. I check his MySpace once or twice a month, see he's still partying and barely getting by, see he hasn't moved, see he's still working at the 7-11 and set my mind at ease. If you read what I wrote, I'm not that upset about the MySpace, I'm upset by the news and the not knowing. Like most of us are upset about ringing telephones or sirens. Do I like the picture? No. Is anyone else watching out for my kid? No. Would I have him or his friends arrested if I thought there was evidence that he was committing violent crimes or vandalism? In a heartbeat. Would anyone else he knows do that? No. So, thanks for the advice, but until you have walked a mile in my shoes or taken my particular situation into account, it sounds a little judgmental. Just because M has written us off doesn't mean that I have written him off, or that when I see something stupid in his life I don't get to comment on it because I choose to not actually involve myself in it. I come here for support just like everyone else. I don't know of anyone who has successfully removed themselves from their kid's drama as much as husband and I have. I haven't spoken to him or interfered with him in any way in over two years. If I want to comment on his dumbness a few times a year, I think I should be allowed to do so. [/QUOTE]
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