F
flutterbee
Guest
difficult child came to me last night with the same angst as we've done a bazillion times. I know I've posted about it before and I posted the one from Friday night in the WC on the grumpy thread. This was the exact same thing.
The only difference is, instead of offering possible solutions that she always, always shoots down or says she *can't* or whatever...I just sat back and when she said that she hates it (hitting the door for emphasis), I just replied, "I can tell." I used those kinds of statements, such as that or "I'm sure you do", etc. And I didn't go any further. Then she said that she also hates it when people ignore her. I told her that I wasn't ignoring her. She said, well, you're not saying anything.
And I told her that I don't know what I can say that would change anything. She said there isn't anything I could say. So, then I tossed it back at her and asked her if she had any thoughts on what she could do about any of this. She doesn't know.
Anyway, it evolved into a conversation of I know you like to think that you're completely different than me, but the things I offer as strategies are things I have pulled out of life experience; whether things I learned for myself, in watching other people or talking to other people in similar situations or in reading and learning about these things. I don't just make them up. We talked about various things and she realized (I think) that I might actually know a little something about what I'm talking about and what she's experiencing isn't really so different from what I have in the past. Talked about why she is so against therapy, talked about how it could help with teaching her appropriate skills and coping mechanisms, talked about joining group activities, etc.
Told her the board saying of, "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got" and that it's time to try something different. Asked her to at least entertain the idea of seeing a therapist to learn these skills that I just don't know how to teach to her even if I do know what they need to be and stepping outside your comfort zone because if you don't, you'll never become comfortable with it as you'll never have opportunity for practice.
This entire conversation lasted about 2 hours. Of course, she didn't come to me until about 3am. But, in the end she was much more receptive to these ideas...to the understanding that there is no magical fix for these things and that she is going to have to do the hard work it takes and that means being uncomfortable and practicing and all that jazz.
Maybe I got through? Maybe some of this will take root? I hope so.
The only difference is, instead of offering possible solutions that she always, always shoots down or says she *can't* or whatever...I just sat back and when she said that she hates it (hitting the door for emphasis), I just replied, "I can tell." I used those kinds of statements, such as that or "I'm sure you do", etc. And I didn't go any further. Then she said that she also hates it when people ignore her. I told her that I wasn't ignoring her. She said, well, you're not saying anything.
And I told her that I don't know what I can say that would change anything. She said there isn't anything I could say. So, then I tossed it back at her and asked her if she had any thoughts on what she could do about any of this. She doesn't know.
Anyway, it evolved into a conversation of I know you like to think that you're completely different than me, but the things I offer as strategies are things I have pulled out of life experience; whether things I learned for myself, in watching other people or talking to other people in similar situations or in reading and learning about these things. I don't just make them up. We talked about various things and she realized (I think) that I might actually know a little something about what I'm talking about and what she's experiencing isn't really so different from what I have in the past. Talked about why she is so against therapy, talked about how it could help with teaching her appropriate skills and coping mechanisms, talked about joining group activities, etc.
Told her the board saying of, "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got" and that it's time to try something different. Asked her to at least entertain the idea of seeing a therapist to learn these skills that I just don't know how to teach to her even if I do know what they need to be and stepping outside your comfort zone because if you don't, you'll never become comfortable with it as you'll never have opportunity for practice.
This entire conversation lasted about 2 hours. Of course, she didn't come to me until about 3am. But, in the end she was much more receptive to these ideas...to the understanding that there is no magical fix for these things and that she is going to have to do the hard work it takes and that means being uncomfortable and practicing and all that jazz.
Maybe I got through? Maybe some of this will take root? I hope so.
