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Daughter 24 stole from me
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 681346" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have been shopping online to try to buy a moment of diversion from grief and depression. I could care less about the stuff. I have stopped, recently, thank goodness.</p><p></p><p>I understand compulsive behavior.</p><p></p><p>What makes me wonder, is how she can come and try to explain, so soon. How can she know what drove her? How can she explain her hurting loved ones, without a thought?</p><p></p><p>How can she believe that she can make it right? How she can believe there is anything to be said that makes a difference, when she has so deeply wounded people who love her, and whose every impulse was to protect her.</p><p></p><p>That is what has my head spinning. What words does she think she can come up with? That would explain. How can she feel that words would ever explain.</p><p></p><p>The word restitution comes to mind. Not with money, but morally, with work, with care, over time, to try and to restore belief, trust and faith. To change through effort and work. But words?</p><p></p><p>She seems to believe that there is some sort of manipulation she can come up with, to snow her sister or you to make it alright.</p><p></p><p>It will never be alright what she did. Never.</p><p></p><p>She may over years and years demonstrate anew her loyalty, her responsibility, her care...but in 3 weeks? It can only be a theatre what she is saying, and it concerns me that she believes in her theatre.</p><p></p><p>You know, at first, I had empathy for her. And I do. But I do not think she in any way could have any real understanding of the harm she has done...and it upsets me that she even try to make it alright with words.</p><p></p><p>I do not want her to suffer, but I wonder, if this is what it will take. That the boyfriend leave. That her family look at her and wonder who she is.</p><p></p><p>I am not saying that you should do one thing different. Be mad. Be rejecting. To tell her anything. I am not saying that.</p><p></p><p>There is not one thing any of us can do with respect to the moral transgressions of our children. I have never seen it as clearly as do I right now. My anger. My sadness. Depression. My constant railing at my son. None of these do one thing to make my son live better or choose better or be better--or love me more. Your sadness, too, will do nothing.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter may or may not be able to one day understand what she really did. She may or may not one day care.</p><p></p><p>The belief that there is anything at all we can do or feel that will make a difference, is a fantasy.</p><p></p><p>To protect ourselves, to find a way to be strong and steady and independent and whole; to tell the truth to them and ourselves, that is it. No more.</p><p></p><p>Nothing more. The rest is between your daughter and herself, and her G-d. Let her spend her energies to try to find the answer to tell herself. But it will not come in a few weeks. It may not come in a few years.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 681346, member: 18958"] I have been shopping online to try to buy a moment of diversion from grief and depression. I could care less about the stuff. I have stopped, recently, thank goodness. I understand compulsive behavior. What makes me wonder, is how she can come and try to explain, so soon. How can she know what drove her? How can she explain her hurting loved ones, without a thought? How can she believe that she can make it right? How she can believe there is anything to be said that makes a difference, when she has so deeply wounded people who love her, and whose every impulse was to protect her. That is what has my head spinning. What words does she think she can come up with? That would explain. How can she feel that words would ever explain. The word restitution comes to mind. Not with money, but morally, with work, with care, over time, to try and to restore belief, trust and faith. To change through effort and work. But words? She seems to believe that there is some sort of manipulation she can come up with, to snow her sister or you to make it alright. It will never be alright what she did. Never. She may over years and years demonstrate anew her loyalty, her responsibility, her care...but in 3 weeks? It can only be a theatre what she is saying, and it concerns me that she believes in her theatre. You know, at first, I had empathy for her. And I do. But I do not think she in any way could have any real understanding of the harm she has done...and it upsets me that she even try to make it alright with words. I do not want her to suffer, but I wonder, if this is what it will take. That the boyfriend leave. That her family look at her and wonder who she is. I am not saying that you should do one thing different. Be mad. Be rejecting. To tell her anything. I am not saying that. There is not one thing any of us can do with respect to the moral transgressions of our children. I have never seen it as clearly as do I right now. My anger. My sadness. Depression. My constant railing at my son. None of these do one thing to make my son live better or choose better or be better--or love me more. Your sadness, too, will do nothing. Your daughter may or may not be able to one day understand what she really did. She may or may not one day care. The belief that there is anything at all we can do or feel that will make a difference, is a fantasy. To protect ourselves, to find a way to be strong and steady and independent and whole; to tell the truth to them and ourselves, that is it. No more. Nothing more. The rest is between your daughter and herself, and her G-d. Let her spend her energies to try to find the answer to tell herself. But it will not come in a few weeks. It may not come in a few years. COPA [/QUOTE]
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