This is part of a process to try and get over my EXTREME rage at Daughter for once again putting us on display like a freak show in public. I swear all we needed was a barker to bring in a larger crowd. Im so angry and I feel like Im never NOT going to be angry again. Today, Daughter was to have four wisdom teeth pulled, after very carefully orchestrating her school schedule, my work schedule, along with the oral surgeons schedule. During her pre-op she, and I, were told explicitly that she was not to eat, or drink, ANYTHING after 10pm last night. I went over and over with her on that and it was carefully explained the reasons why she was to do that. They were going to put her under a general and didnt want to risk her possibly vomiting and choking. Again, very carefully explained. She has been in a lot of pain because of her wisdom teeth and was anxious to get them removed. I rush out of work, which wasnt easy, as it is the first day of school where I work, to run home and pick her up. She marches right up to the front desk and tells them that she had two chips because she was so hungry. The front desk people get very wide-eyed and say that they might not be able to do the surgery. They ask what time she ate, etc. They take her back to meet the Dr. and he declares that hes simply not willing to take the risk and do the surgery. Daughter comes out red-eyed and crying into the lobby. Luckily, there are only a couple of people there. The front desk people are trying to figure out what to do. Daughter starts throwing a fit saying Ill MAKE him do the surgery! So, they come up with a plan to give her gas and then shots to numb her mouth. Daughter freaks and says shes afraid of the pain. After everyone tries to reassure her that she will be fine, she relents if I agree to be in the room with her. Everyone is on pins and needles awaiting my answer. Fine, Ill go in. I go in and they put a little mask over her nose. Shes being rude and blaming me for her eating because I wasnt home (me, working). Then, she says its not her fault because it only said dont have breakfast. Or, Im a bad Mom because I am offering her no sympathy. Of course, Im growing angrier by the second, but handing myself okay. I just want her to be quiet and tell her to lay back and relax. Think about her last trip to the beach when she had such a great time. She goes back and forth. Good, then upset again. The doctor comes in and says in a pleasant voice, Well, you can go now, well take care of her. I ask if hes asking me to leave. He laughs and says Yes. I respond, I dont think that is a good idea, shes very afraid. I been through a lot with her, its probably better that I stay. Doctor wouldnt go for it. He thinks my kid is a typical kid and Im a typical parent. Just peachy. About five minutes later, here comes doctor. It would be better to bring her back another day so that she can be put under a general. I DONT WANT HER TO HAVE BAD FEELINGS ABOUT COMING TO THE DENTIST! I took a big sigh and tried to explain that Daughter has had many medical procedures, and surgeries, over the years and still goes to the doctor. So, I dont think bad feelings are the issue. Will he please reconsider me being in the room? In short, no way was his answer. Then he tells me that when he went to give her the numbing shot, Daughter tried to grab the needle out of his hand. Too dangerous to continue. So, that was that. Im waiting in the lobby and the Drs assistant comes out and asks if Im waiting to speak to the doctor. I respond, No, the doctor has spoken, Im waiting to take my kid home. A few minutes later, daughter appears in the lobby frantic and crying. I get up to leave and as politely as I can tell the front desk people I will make another appointment when I come in next week for myself. Im just trying to get her out of there. I get out the door just trying to make it through the maze of office buildings to get to the parking lot. Daughter starts screaming, Go back! Go back! I can make him to do it! Shes grabbing me and pulling me, nearly knocking me over. Then, shes locks her arms around me trying to stop me from moving. All the while screaming and yelling. People begin to come out of the offices to see what the commotion is all about. That is people that couldnt already see through their office windows. I make it to the parking lot and she begins to desperately grab, pull, yank, and lock her arms around me. I lose one of my shoes and nearly fall over again trying to break free. While Im trying to keep myself from falling and my head is about two feet from the ground, I turn and see a whole group of people lined up along the opposite side of the parking enjoying the freak show display. Im trying to get in the car. I even take my keys that are on a long lanyard and swing them at her to get her to let go of me. She keeps trying to lock her arms around my upper body and shove me back to the dentists office. With one shoe on (and its over 100 degrees on asphalt on my bare foot) I make it into the car. Im slumped over the wheel with daughter screaming at me and refusing to close the passenger side door. Finally, I lose it. Get in the car NOW, or I drive off with, or without you. I dont care anymore. Finally, were on the road and I lit into her. I blew my stack. Once again I am being subjected to Daughters public displays of out of control behavior. When shes like that, there is simply no penetrating her wall. About half way home, she begins to realize what she did. Shes begging forgiveness and promising next time she will follow directions. Shes asking me over and over if I care about her. Why do they always do that? I answered that all of what I do answers that question. I just couldnt say it. We get home, and she (of course, once again!) wants a hug. I literally feel repulsed. No, I cant I need space. She starts up again and follows me into the house screaming she needs a hug. If I just give her a hug she will leave me along. She begins grabbing and pushing me again. I really have to restrain myself. Im very strong and could hurt her. I keep repeating, Give me space, Daughter, give me space. Then, she says she wants to kiss me on the cheek. I dont want one. I used to play that with her, but today I just cant. She manages to kiss me on the leg and promptly leaves my room stating, Thats all I wanted. Shes already tried to sneak in my room through the sliding glass door. I grabbed her phone and tried to break it over my knee. It didnt break, but it did get her to leave me alone. So, here I am locked in my room to gather myself. I dont think I really realized until today just how much PTSD I have left over from my childhood. My Dad was a freak show onto himself and he used to embarrass me with his constant outrageous public behavior. When I was a kid, I used to fantasize that he was not my real dad, and that someday my real Dad (of course, being normal and kind) would emerge from the shadows to claim me and give me a normal life. Those same feelings overtake me when Daughter does this kind of stuff. I work so hard to give her, and her brother, a loving and secure home. I work endlessly to make sure they have all that they need. I just want peace. Ive always just wanted peace and Ive never been able to achieve it because Ive always had to deal with some out of control family member. I think its a big part of the reason I dont like parties, or large group social gatherings. Its just too uncomfortable. Now, with Daughter, she will even spoil a small family gathering. She nearly ruined last Xmas at my sisters because she messed with her computer and my sister was angry about it because her computer IS her business. Daughter flew into a rage because my sister touched her arms. I hope this doesnt happen when shes 18. I can see myself tossing all her belongings into the street.