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Daughter out of control
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 666534" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>while I believe you are responsible for her, if she CHOOSES to live elsewhere then she must pay for that as long as you have a place she can live in. </p><p></p><p>The key to this is to provide only the basics, and have rules that she must abide by or leave. You probably should go see a family law attorney to verify, but another member in NY was told this a couple of years ago. Provide a room with a bed, a lamp, clothes but not ones from fancy stores - Goodwill clothes are just fine and just a weeks worth, nutritious food but not the fancy junk food. Have clear rules about her chores, behavior expectations, etc... and do what you can to enforce them. Make it clear that it is YOUR home, YOUR rules if she wants your support. she is free to move out but you won't pay for it or for more than the very basics. It won't be easy, but she is an adult and if she wants extras then she can pony up the $$$ for them. If she bring stolen items or drugs into your home, call the cops and have her charged. don't bail her out and make it clear that you won't tolerate those things under your roof. Talk to the cops to make sure that if you call to report her that they will come and that you won't be charged. They likely will search to see if you are using, but if you are not then you should not be charged. But ask first to be sure! I would go to the most convenient police station and speak to someone to be sure. Ask them what they know about the financial support too. </p><p></p><p>I think the NY financial support is to keep kids age 19-21 from getting food stamps and welfare. I would speak to an attorney ASAP about what you do and do not have to provide. I would not provide 1 single thing more than required until she let you speak to her doctors freely, is in school &/or working, and is reasonably behaved. </p><p></p><p>I am proud that you moved out until you know if her allegations are true or not. I know it is hurtful to hear them, but of course it is important to show her that you care. It had to be hard to do, but it was the right thing to move out.</p><p></p><p>Get an appointment with an attorney (family law) ASAP! You really NEED to know what your rights are and what you are required to provide. Also ask if you will be charged if you call the cops because your daughter has drugs in your home. Throw away any drugs you find (mix with kitty litter and get wet - used litter if you have a cat. This way they cannot be found and used.) and break any paraphernalia you find before you throw it away.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 666534, member: 1233"] while I believe you are responsible for her, if she CHOOSES to live elsewhere then she must pay for that as long as you have a place she can live in. The key to this is to provide only the basics, and have rules that she must abide by or leave. You probably should go see a family law attorney to verify, but another member in NY was told this a couple of years ago. Provide a room with a bed, a lamp, clothes but not ones from fancy stores - Goodwill clothes are just fine and just a weeks worth, nutritious food but not the fancy junk food. Have clear rules about her chores, behavior expectations, etc... and do what you can to enforce them. Make it clear that it is YOUR home, YOUR rules if she wants your support. she is free to move out but you won't pay for it or for more than the very basics. It won't be easy, but she is an adult and if she wants extras then she can pony up the $$$ for them. If she bring stolen items or drugs into your home, call the cops and have her charged. don't bail her out and make it clear that you won't tolerate those things under your roof. Talk to the cops to make sure that if you call to report her that they will come and that you won't be charged. They likely will search to see if you are using, but if you are not then you should not be charged. But ask first to be sure! I would go to the most convenient police station and speak to someone to be sure. Ask them what they know about the financial support too. I think the NY financial support is to keep kids age 19-21 from getting food stamps and welfare. I would speak to an attorney ASAP about what you do and do not have to provide. I would not provide 1 single thing more than required until she let you speak to her doctors freely, is in school &/or working, and is reasonably behaved. I am proud that you moved out until you know if her allegations are true or not. I know it is hurtful to hear them, but of course it is important to show her that you care. It had to be hard to do, but it was the right thing to move out. Get an appointment with an attorney (family law) ASAP! You really NEED to know what your rights are and what you are required to provide. Also ask if you will be charged if you call the cops because your daughter has drugs in your home. Throw away any drugs you find (mix with kitty litter and get wet - used litter if you have a cat. This way they cannot be found and used.) and break any paraphernalia you find before you throw it away. [/QUOTE]
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