Here I am again. Wishing I had a counseling appointment tomorrow, but wishing worse that I could just check out of life for a bit. I'm truly exhausted with the drama. Truly. Still working on my parents to break their enabling cycle. The train seems to have least slowed. Possibly stopped, maybe even in reverse. That's good. Basically daughter has admitted she's a daily pothead. But not "addicted" - just needs it to stay sane (even though the other day she told her grandpa she uses coke, too). Pretty much every night she's out using with someone. At any rate, last night my husband gets a call. She's been in a fight. She sounded lucid (probably coked up, not slurring drunk yet). They shared 1 more phone call, then a text. Husband told her to leave where she was and get home. Usually if there's a fight, there's going to be more. We were worried, but know there is nothing we can do. We are helpless. At least we can admit this now. This morning I get a call from my mother. She's looking for advice on what to do (this is a step in a better direction - them not jumping at her phone calls, but thinking it through). She said my daughter called, awoke in a hotel. No clue how she got there, no recollection of the prior night's events. As grouse as that scenario is, it didn't really shake me much. It's become par for the course. Sadly. I told my mom I'd call my daughter, who has been known to make up painfully intricate lies simply to snag a ride from my parents. My mother was grateful. Daughter's story held when she talked to me. She sounded a bit disoriented, concerned. But not so out of it that she wasn't able to get up and leave, go to nearby Target. She ascertained that she didn't know how she got there, who she was with, but she obviously wasn't alone (there were condoms). I asked if she thought she was assaulted. But there's where things are gray. She says she was concerned, but this was pretty NORMAL, these kinds of things happening to her (getting used, getting raped, assaulted, whatever). Who knows?.. Did someone slip her a pill, or was she using so much she blacked out? I told her it was highly abnormal, either way. But frightened with the situations she puts herself in daily and how they lead to results like this. At any rate, my parents did go to pick her up, but only if she went to the ER and had a kit done, testing, etc. Not to simply take her home and drop her off as normal. When they go there, she refused. Got in the car, threw a fit (called me 3 times, called her dad at work, said horrific, vile things in front of my parents). Somehow my parents stood ground, though and the end result was that she got out of the car, they gave her $2 for the bus and went back home. I have no idea where my daughter is right now. She says she's home taking a bath. She said she didn't go to the doctor. I don't even know what to think or say or do. Again, my helplessness is evident. I feel like rushing over, taking her to the ER, but I can't. I can't do the drama. I can't leave my other kid who is sick at home alone. My mind is solid, but my gut is working with what must be going on in my subconscious. I'm worried. Concerned about what is going on with her, concerned she will try to harm herself. Concerned for everything I don't know. Tired of being helpless, knowing that's what I'm stuck with. Venting here. Needing to go back to my regularly scheduled programming soon. I feel like I'm riding a roller coaster and trying to eat soup without spilling it.